15 Hard Lessons I’ve Learned From Life

Having reached a milestone of age and maturity in my life, I’ve come to realize a number of hard lessons I’ve learned, deserved or otherwise, that can only come from real life experience.  We live in the type of world where so many pretend to know so much, yet how many people have really earned real experience?  Let’s be honest:  life is often a bitch.  But the upside of a difficult life and suffering is the character that a man is rewarded with, that most valuable of traits.

Allow me to share with you some things I’ve learned along the way…

Your Past Doesn’t Have to Define Your Future, But Will Affect Your Present

No matter your background or what you’ve been told that you would amount to in life, success or failure is ultimately up to you.  I grew up in both lousy home and school environments and was often reminded how I was “bad” and would not amount to anything worthwhile.  You can probably guess what happened:  I almost failed high school, I was always in trouble, and subconsciously I believed I didn’t “deserve” a meaningful life, much less the far-flung idea of going to college.  My lack of confidence hit me hard when it came to social opportunities too.

A turning point in my life was when I was given the straight truth regarding personal decisions.  At the encouragement of a friend and paying my own way, I enrolled in a technical school where one of my instructors, after giving me poor marks on a test paper, told me point blank, “If you decide to succeed, you will.  If you decide to fail, you’ll do that.”

In a world where so many are looking for an excuse for their failures, I realized he was right.  I changed my attitude, put in the effort, and from then on regularly earned honors for my academic achievements.  Next stop: a college degree in a good-paying field.  I’m now the only person in my family tree with an education like mine and working professionally.

However, I was naïve in thinking it was simply a matter of moving forward.  The truth is, what happened in the past (lack of an involved father, an overly strict and negative mother, apathetic teachers, and much more) caused great damage to my self-esteem, confidence, and social skills.  My lack of success in life and the girls I dated were a direct reflection of my self-esteem due to my inner shortcomings; yes, another blue-pill beta dating unattractive plain chicks and “accepting” he could do no better.  Since that time I’ve made great improvements and realized that while my future is unwritten and looking better, it’s not wise to ignore those things inside which keep us from being whole, solid men.

You can make your life something to be proud of if you so choose.  However sometimes we have to look further and address the underlying causes of what brought us to be the way we are with regards to our personal demons; otherwise, we’ll never be the best we can be.

You Snooze, You Lose!

Procrastination is a worthless endeavor.  See a woman you want to pursue, but decide “Nah I’ll talk to her next time”?  She’s gone when you go back even only two days later.  Want to buy that car?  It sold yesterday.  Found a great job?  It’s filled right away.  I could go on and on but I think you get the point.

Opportunities can disappear in the blink of an eye.  A man has to pursue what he wants, and now.  “Once burned, twice learned”; so true!

Life Isn’t Fair; Get Used To It

The truth is, after enough difficulties in life we can suck it up and grow from harsh experiences, or play the victim role (which seems to be becoming the new American way).

Life is simply a bitch sometimes, and life isn’t fair.  There will always be someone who has it better than you.  There will always be those that never had to work a hard day’s work, never had to really pay their dues in life, and those who never suffered the tragedies you have.  Shit will go wrong, and at random times.

The sooner you accept it, the sooner you can adjust your mentality to that of what really defines a strong man and not a boy:  tough it out, and survive.  Deal with problems and earn your way in life.  In the end, you’ll be the man who can survive and you’ll possess an understanding of how the world really works unlike others who’ve not had to pay the same dues.  If anything, you’ll possess a drive and character that no one else around you does.  Desirable women do not need a momma’s boy who runs to mom when things get hard.

A Man Often Can’t Count On Anyone But Himself; You Have to Be Self-Reliant


Don’t let your success in life be dependent upon assuming you’ll be able to get help.  So many times in life I had no one to turn to for my education, to talk about my struggles with, getting started out on my own as an adult, and much, much more.  Once I was in Panama and discovered my debit card was missing!  I was running out of money and need help fast.  It’s hard to describe the sinking feeling when in an emergency situation I contacted those back home who I could have sworn would help me (after helping them many times in the past)  only to hear, “I ain’t got no money” and “Sorry man, nothing I can do.”  Never again!

Also, I see fewer and fewer men capable of repairing their homes, cars, and fulfilling “manly” tasks.  A man who can’t take care of himself isn’t much of a man.  Even the greatest handymen started with just trying.  To be self-reliant you have to actually try, not just say “I can’t.”  For crying out loud you don’t have to be able to swap out a motor in your Honda but I’ve met a number of men who can’t even change a spare tire on a car.

Accept Help From Others Graciously

Being self-reliant and highly independent is great.  However, being so independent that you refuse help from others at all times is not.  Growing up I had so few instances of getting a helping hand from those around me that I naturally over time prepared for struggling alone in whatever situation I had to face.  It became my default thought process.

In time, when allies or more loving, caring people came into my life, I refused their help, and lived to regret it.  The lesson learned?  Sometimes it’s okay to ask for help; sometimes it’s fine to allow others to help you even when you could do it alone.  Good people often feel rewarded for helping, and always refusing for help builds a cold wall between you and people who actually give a damn about you.  Don’t become that cold, bitter, anti-social uncle that nobody cares to deal with.

Even If Everyone Says You’re Wrong, It Doesn’t Mean They’re Right:  Be Prepared to Stand Your Ground


It comes as no surprise to my fellow RoK readers that American society is permeated with a politically-correct, hyper-sensitive, “groupthink” approach at shaming those who have a voice of dissent in almost any subject.

One of the greatest lessons in life was to find out sometimes that even when you’re fairly certain you’re right, you’ll be attacked for your beliefs.  Being pressured and shamed into changing what you believe is manipulation and an attempt to make you conform and submit.  In the end, the wise man analyzes whether he is right or wrong, but stands firm in his beliefs when he believes he is right.

It is interesting to see how chinks in our armor are exposed at those moments of attempts at “shaming” or pressure from others.  The inclination to give and not “rock the boat” is a strong feeling.  By attempting to appease others, you end up gaining nothing and actually lose.

We are here not because we pander to herd mentality but instead because we seek the truth.  You will lose friends, acquaintances, and maybe even more when you stand behind your beliefs.  That’s the price a man pays sometimes for being his own man.  I might get the stink-eye from women near me when I say a plain-looking white chick with average clothing and a rather dull face is unattractive, but I sleep better at night knowing I stood my ground; and my confidence grows a few bits more.  No one respects a pushover anyway.  Will you submit to others, or be your own man?  The choice is yours.

Traveling To a Foreign Country Is Very Valuable


My first trip overseas was in 2003 to Lima, Peru.  That experience and others to follow in other Latin countries tremendously benefited me in many ways.  Watching kids in the streets selling candy for money, teenage mothers begging for change, and seeing how people in the real world get by without government handouts to prop them up delivered a swift kick in the ass to my American worldview.  No longer did I have the right to complain about my life when in fact I have so many opportunities as an American.  I no longer can tolerate those who are given so much here and blow it all due to laziness, excuses, and apathy.

My image of what a woman should be was shattered forever as well.  The women I have met, known, and been with were much more passionate and feminine.  A sexy, loving, and attentive foreign woman is awesome.  Going to a disco with a Latina who has a caramel complexion and is wearing tight jeans, colorful top, and huge earrings is a pleasure indeed instead of the frumpy, disorganized plain women back home.  It was very eye-opening to see women who didn’t have much money still dress like women and taking value in being sexually attractive to men.  Feminism has yet to destroy healthy societal norms in many countries.  And foreign women often possess much more traditional values and can be quite loving, valuing men as men.

Learned a little bit of another language?  You can get out of the “gringo tourist” label and meet cooler people and enjoy knowing women outside of the sheltered tourist areas.  And I’ve made so many more friends here in the USA because I can relate to them and at least can speak with them in their own language some.

Has it been all rainbows and sunshine?  No, of course not.  I met gold diggers, visa chasers, I got scammed easily the first few times I traveled, got sick several times, and had the usual travel stories where things went wrong.  Foreign women can be a handful at times, too, but the overall experience has changed me forever and made me the man I am today.

Once you’ve traveled, you’ll never look at things the same again.  When I go out now, I’m well aware that what passes for beauty here is often a sad joke.


Appearances Matter!

The self-delusional premise of the fat acceptance community – basically a laughable attempt to rewrite human nature  – proposes that you can still be sexy and desirable when ugly or otherwise unattractive.  This is absolute bullshit.

The truth is, no matter how “ok” I thought I was, or how “wonderful on the inside” a beta I was, in the end I wasn’t my best.  I was thin, dressed in whatever lazily-picked ill-fitting clothes I liked, and put no real effort into it.

In mid-2011 I started working out regularly and eating better.  In 2013, I began dressing better, wearing better fitting clothes, and throwing on the occasional sport coat.  The results have really surprised me.  Despite what I thought, appearances make a huge difference in how people respond.  Last week 2 women said I was handsome and wanted to give me hugs when I was doing no more than walking through Macy’s in a well-fitting polo shirt that compliments my new physique.

“Expressing your individualism” by wearing an ugly goatee, crappy t-shirts, and bad hair may make you feel like a rebel, but damn sure won’t appeal to the average woman’s desire.  Again, success is a choice.  And more importantly, my confidence level is up, and it’s easier for me now to open with women.

Another “red pill” truth is that appearances appeal to fundamental human nature—we can’t help what we’re attracted to. A better appearance means better results.  Most women respond well to an in-shape, well-dressed man.  I found out the hard way that I was not at my best and had far worse results when I didn’t make the effort in those categories.

In a time when obesity and dressing like you’re 15 years old and going to summer camp is more often the norm, being an in-shape, well-dressed man means you’ll stand out and draw attention.

And one more point:  wear good cologne.  So few men wear cologne at all anymore.  Let’s just say the results have been excellent.

Keep Your Emotions Under Control

When you lose control of yourself, you lose control of the situation and lose respect from others.  You look like an irrational brat.  Now that I’ve swallowed the red pill, I know longer expect women to be logical, rational creatures no matter what they would try to have me believe.  And I accept that as I man I have to be the rational, stable individual.

No man should lose himself in his emotions like a woman does.  Don’t be a little bitch-going overboard and ranting, being passive-aggressive, and acting like a weak man; this weakens you in the eyes of women.  KEEP YOUR FRAME.

Let me be honest, it’s so damn hard for me to keep cool sometimes when someone pushes my buttons, but I keep practicing and have to remember that the path to a stronger male persona won’t allow me to break into a nonsensical fit when slighted.  People notice strength, and people notice weakness… especially women.

Sometimes It’s Not How You Are That Matters, It’s How Others Perceive You


Unfortunately this is a lesson that took me time to get.  Bad mood?  Stressed?  Sound unsure of myself when speaking?  Not dressed so well?  The things that I allow to affect me affect my outward appearance, demeanor, and attitude… and therefore affect my interaction with others.

The truth is, no one really cares how we feel or what’s bothering us.  They care about how you make them feel and how you act towards them.

First impressions are incredibly important and others judge us on what they see, hear, and based on smaller clues to our confidence and value as men.  Many times when I’ve not put my best effort into social interactions, I’ve later come to find out that it had a negative effect on what they thought of me.  My attitude and demeanor cost me.

When not appearing to be 100% confident when speaking, I’ve sometimes seen the change in people’s confidence in me.  Very uncomfortable!  Get in practice, and put some thought into what you say and the vibe you give off.

Remember, most people want to like you, but you have to give them reasons to.  Give off confident, warm, and charismatic vibes and people will feel good and thus feel good about you.  Give off a sour mood and keep to yourself, and you’ll be treated accordingly.

Save Your Money (A Man Needs Resources)

Unfortunately my parents had no real money management skills and my father did not save for retirement.  They also blew through money received through a lawsuit when I was young.  The end results were:  no education funds for me, my father having to live on very modest means (social security), and a lack of emergency funds should things go wrong.  Social security is something no man should ever let his future well-being depend upon.

When younger I blew my money on expensive electronics, girls, and other things that cost me a lot of potential savings and this limited my ability to travel and enjoy life as well as being prepared for a job loss, etc.  Now I regret the lack of self-control and budgeting that I had back then.

While it’s (almost) never too late to start, time is on your side when you’re young.  Invest, save, and plan for retirement.  Don’t live beyond your means.  Don’t blow your money on junk.  Don’t spend $60 on a date with a girl who you honestly know inside probably could care less that you busted your ass to earn that money.  Don’t make the mistake so many others are making by putting no importance in your future retirement.

So many mistakes I made but I’ve started making corrections and can already see the benefits.

A little bit of money in the bank and you’ll be able to take some time off and get out of Boringville, USA to experience what life has to offer in other countries while Joe Smith back home is in a cubicle day and eating a shitty microwaveable lunch before going home to his chubby wife.

Don’t Believe Everything You Hear.  There’s Often More To The Story


Inevitably, almost every time some hot-button, dramatic, or critical issue was presented, whether in a domestic dispute, feminist attention-grabbing headlines, or listening to a friend talk about their breakup, I have learned that there’s almost always more to the story than is being told.

So many times I’ve taken things at face value only to learn later (and feel terrible for it) that the story indeed was not what it was made out to be.  People’s lives, reputations, and jobs have been destroyed over “truth” presented this way.  Let’s just say I know from personal experience that a woman often has no qualms about playing the victim card when she wants to and can tailor the truth to fit accordingly.

Withholding information is a manipulation tactic used to bias the truth & further the agenda whatever it may be.  Unfortunately so many people are gullible and easily taken in.

As the saying goes, “There’s one side, there’s the other, and somewhere in the middle is the truth.”

Enjoy Life While You Can.  It Is Short

Take my advice—don’t burn away all your time working or studying.  Find time to go places, enjoy life, and enjoy the company of women.

It’s a very hard lesson to learn, but looking back, so many opportunities to simply enjoy life were spent working too much or studying too hard.  Those are moments I can’t get back.  All work and no play makes Jack a dull, unhappy boy.  You deserve to enjoy life.  Otherwise, what’s the point?

She’s One In A Million, but She’s One OF a Million.  Don’t Destroy Your Life Over One Woman

Ah yes, the Achilles’ heel of so many naïve men-the classic “oneitis”.  Feeling and behaving like the woman in your life is the last woman, absolutely pining for her, and tolerating her disrespect and severe flaws is the mark of disaster waiting to happen, and a sign of personal weakness in a man.

I hate to admit it, but I too was afflicted by this.  Let’s be honest, the soft-spoken underdog male portrayed in TV and movies is so often the same one who can’t seem to let go of Ms. Average and puts her on a pedestal of epic proportions.

Looking back on my life (including even recently!), I can recollect the results of this mentality and emotional attachment. In the end, I was with a woman who was less than optimal, and ultimately I could have found much better if I tried.  I was even married to one and you can imagine what happened there.

Severing the emotional and mental cords that make a man feeling like he’ll die without Princess Wonderful is not easy, but the effort is worth it.  When you’re dependent upon one woman so much, you give her more power in the relationship and as so many men do, forgive her fatal flaws that cause others to say “Why do you put up with that?”  Remember, Ms. Princess may be “one in a million” in your mind, but she’s one of a million.  There’s a world full of women out there, compadre.  Swallow the truth.


Listen To Your Instincts

Listen to that inner voice that tells you when something is wrong.  When doing so, almost always I’ve found, sooner or later, it was right.  Sometimes I couldn’t see what I might have avoided, but it’s an inner ability worth paying attention to.  Life is hard enough, so if you get extra clues, take them.


We all will have different experiences, given our different paths in life.  However, some basic universal truths, I believe, remain true regardless throughout time.  Life won’t always be easy, and sometimes we pay a great price, but at the least we can embrace the value of those hard-earned lessons it presents.

Read Next: Life Lessons From Niccolò Machiavelli

120 thoughts on “15 Hard Lessons I’ve Learned From Life”

        1. This video is good ,I watched the whole thing. I am not giving up my guns. I am not going to shoot police, I am going to shoot criminals trying to hurt me or my family and call the police to pick up the body. You cannot call the police while you are being assaulted.

        2. quote:”I am not going to shoot police, I am going to shoot criminals trying to hurt me or my family and call the police to pick up the body. ”
          I’m sorry man, but thats just stupid. You shoot somebody, then you must have a body disposal plan ready. Calling the cops will just get you thrown in jail and sued by the scumbag’s family.

  1. Good post. Keeping control emotions is something I must work on. I would add picking your battles all and all solid post.

    1. Good point about picking your battles. I did learn that lesson also: some things are worth fighting, some aren’t.
      Greetings from Atlanta, by the way.
      Glad you liked this.

    2. I should add, keeping emotions under control is a bitch to do, but can be done. I’m still learning.
      On the other hand, good to know in advance a red pill truth is that women attempt to provoke sometimes as a test.

  2. Life Isn’t Fair; Get Used To It
    A Man Often Can’t Count On Anyone But Himself; You Have to Be Self-Reliant
    Keep Your Emotions Under Control
    That about covers it all. My favorite for myself is “tough times don’t last, tough people do”.
    Another spot on article. this is how a man should live his life…..as a man!

    1. We agree again. Man you are solid like this post. More young guys need real advice like this, based on experience and cold sobering reality.

      1. Cold sobering reality is the best medicine for almost all psychological ailments. You either accept the truth about life or let your delusions destroy you slowly.

        1. Absolutely. The truth is so cold and hard, sometimes it will cut you to your soul. But those who learn and persevere grow.

        2. quote: Mr. Direct Atlanta Man :
          “Cold sobering reality is the best medicine for almost all psychological ailments. You either accept the truth about life or let your delusions slowly destroy you.
          Men, my friend, real men, don’t make excuses about life or their current situation. They find solutions to their own problems, fix them and move on to the next challenge. A man doesn’t want pity and doesn’t ask for it. He is the controller of his own destiny…..and he knows it.”
          Print this out on paper amd hag up on the refridgerator. Gospel.

        3. I had an idea for a meme or graphic that shows on one side all the various and sundry pills prescribed for depression and anxiety, et al. On the other side is the red pill. At the bottom, “You choose.”

        4. Dude, that is pathetic if this is such a revelation to you that you are pinning it up on your refrigerator. What emasculated faggot raised you?
          Don’t get me wrong, it’s not my purpose here to insult you. Rather I wish to direct you to a place which will train you so well in being a man that such realizations will flow out of your heart like water down the Niagara Falls.

      1. fucking excellent article man. you covered all the points. i particularly liked the one on self reliance, and also knowing when to accept help graciously. the world is full of a lot of douches, but sometimes there are genuine people that are there to help mentor you, or pull you out of a bind, and they are worth their weight in metric gold.
        really its a great article and a great start to hopefully a prolific blogging career.
        maybe i heard this at the right time or something but a half dozen of those points covered shit that i’ve been dealing with for the last couple of years, and seeing someone put it all up there in one piece really made me wanna do some self examination.

        1. Thanks so much.
          I understand what you’re saying. It seems like there’s so much anti-(masculine) male rhetoric out there that it is especially helpful to have uncensored sources of information and opinions that the manosphere offers.
          It really helps to validate the truths I’ve long suspected were true, but always was brow-beaten by blue-pill social norms to ignore. I love that red-pill men are very self-critical, self-analytical, and we’re all looking for things bigger than ourselves.

  3. Bravo sir! Bravo! THIS. It’s as though you’ve reached into my soul and plucked my philosophies from the tree of inner life. Nearly every male who reads this post will scoff at my claims, but they do not have the capacity to witness the ways in which I have embodied every one of the things you have written about. I commend you, sir, for illustrating the epitome of this website in a single post. Return of KINGS. As a woman, it comes down to a father’s teachings to instill in her honour. I am an example of such a woman. It was through my father and a life of lived experience in which I have come to practice these teachings. Proof that it is not one’s outter shell which defines them, but the thinking that makes it so. I apologise for talking about myself, but I have found that I can not say a word of comment if I do not first put up armor to deflect the tirade of hateful replies that are sure to ensue. Again, men like you are what keeps me respecting the true red pill community. Thank you.

    1. Thanks for the feed back. I suppose it’s evident from what I wrote these are things I’ve learned the hard way.
      Unfortunately my father wasn’t involved so I didn’t have the benefit of learning these except by going it alone and blood, tears, and sweat.
      Wish I could figure out how to get Disqus login figured out.

    2. I agree with you and the Articles writer. Outstanding, straightforward and from the heart insights from a real MAN. Not like the ball-less sad sacks that feel the need to engage in endless hopeless debates with the man-haters that have become so prevalent here.
      Hopefully you can join the other two cool chicks that post here.

      1. Nothing is either good nor bad, but thinking makes it so. Shakespeare. Think about that one long and hard.

    3. “…but I have found that I can not say a word of comment if I do not first put up armor to deflect the tirade of hateful replies that are sure to ensue. ”
      There’s not many RoK sites for men to vent so don’t take it personally when men get nasty with you here…some have been burned by women beyond repair.

      1. Yeah, well other, good men, need to step up and denounce this behavior when it happens. We always criticize feminists for not denouncing insanity, and yet here we are doing the same thing.

    4. The Rules of this site are clear, woman. “No women and homosexuals”. So abstain from posting – even if you support the teachings of ROK- Rules are rules.
      Ordnung muss sein.

  4. Great post and great advice all Men should read. I think the best piece is to enjoy life. We get one shot at it so do what’s best for you. Don’t intentionally harm others to live your life BUT that being said, you will unintentionally break hearts, let people down and disappoint others. You can’t let that get in your head.

  5. “Now that I’ve swallowed the red pill, I know longer expect women to be logical, rational creatures no matter what they would try to have me believe.”
    This is the such a good point, always follow the women’s actions not her words…
    “Let’s be honest, the soft-spoken underdog male portrayed in TV and movies is so often the same one who can’t seem to let go of Ms. Average and puts her on a pedestal of epic proportions.”
    All the love songs and romantic movies written in the last 50 years followed this recipe of brainwashing. Alpha man believing he’s beta begging for average girlfriend to take him back while he’s an alpha all along (Swingers)

    1. Thank you. I’ve been seeing this type of brainwashing going on in society for decades. Media wants you to believe men should be for the attention of women. This is the world turned upside down. We have been brainwashed into thinking that men are supposed to be this chivalrous, prince charming to women. Men are supposed to sweep them off their feet and save the day and live happily ever after. A man should never hit a woman even if that woman has put herself in the position of a man and challenged him…..This type of nonsense is a lie and goes against logic. Men, successful men of adventure and worth are a HUGE commodity, far more so than women…and they know it. Alpha males can have their pick of the litter or the whole damn litter, and most women will accept this because they want to eventually be the one that gets the goose that lays the golden egg (not just talking about money but companionship too). Men have been tricked into not knowing their true worth but once they awake from the lie, true growth and living and happiness can begin.
      To paraphrase Malcom-X
      We’ve been hoodwinked, bamboozled, led astray!!
      Now is the time to wake up, remember who you are and become who you were meant to be by your own hand. Write your own destiny brothers. Live your life your way!

      1. Again I agree, are we related or something dude. Damn. There is no baiting possible with this post, if you got a twig and berries you better be ready to handle your own shit.Solid post solid video.

      2. Just cancelled a dinner recently with a woman because I had better things to do. Refused to feel guilty because I’m looking out for myself. I bring more to the table than any woman so I am not obligated to put their interests ahead of mine.

    2. I understand the intention of love songs from long ago, but yeah, I see what you mean. Now I have clarity on songs in which a man idolizes a woman. it just seems so clear now.
      However I’d wager TV & movies are much worse as far as examples of masculinity/dealing with women goes. (ex.: The underdog love story, etc., and all that crap).

      1. All inputs from the government and media companies are LIES to keep men from getting off the grid and spending money on things they don’t need…
        You don’t need a wife, kids or house to be happy…
        I bet if boomers knew what they know now (after divorce, no retirement), they would all come back and do the Clooney life path instead…

  6. The trust your instincts one is so true. My father once told me he wished he had done so more often in life. I would say the same now that I am older.
    Trust your instincts gentleman!

  7. This article is one of the best I’ve seen on RoK in a while. Lots of great, sound advice. Though I am 27yo, I constantly reflect and learn from the past, change my attitudes accordingly and try to make better decisions.
    A man who doesn’t learn from his mistakes, and those of others, is nothing more than a fool.
    Thanks for this.

    1. Thank you.
      Let me be honest, at 27 I thought so much time had gone by, and that things were set in stone. How wrong I was.
      I wish I could go back in time and apply what I’ve written here, and to enjoy what life had to offer (if I was willing to go outside the box).
      Enjoy your youth. You have so much in front of you, don’t waste it.

  8. “Enjoy Life While You Can. It Is Short”
    This is bad advice, especially to those who are in the midst of self improvement. We’re all improving ourselves because we do not have the freedom to have fun.
    The fat young man-child addicted to video games and with no employment should definitely not be enjoying life, the only enjoyment he can get is a game of TF2 and a dozen porn sites.
    The guy trying to kick start his career, develop his interpersonal skills, improve his game, make connections in industry, learn new skills and developing an online business should not forsake these tasks in order to have some fun. While he has more freedom to enjoy life then the basement dwelling neck beard, his fun is saving up enough funds for a weekend get away with his beta-like friends where he might pull a girl for a weekend FB. It won’t last and he only has the freedom to this every 3 months or so.
    The man with a well established career, financial security, confidence, connections, varied skill set and owns some land has the opportunity to have a lot of sustainable fun that is not as conditional.
    Here is how I would change this one point;
    “Enjoy your work and studies. Life is too short to do something you hate”
    Work is going to take up 1/3 of your adult life, so you better do something you are passionate about. Doing boring work like retail or customer service just to have enough cash for the weekend is not a good way to live your life. In the same vein doing a petrochemical engineering degree just so you can make decent bank in 6 years is poison for the soul.
    You’re work and study should be constantly challenging you, teaching you new things and you should enjoy it. Don’t be an engineer if what you really want to do is be a designer. Yes it’s risky, you will have to be the top 5% in hopes of getting reasonable employment and if you fail it’s your own fault but that is what life is about, the adventure, not the destination.
    Don’t waste your hours doing data entry in an office or stacking shelves. If you need short term employment do something that will develop your personality and skill set. Be a bartender or a DJ if you want increase your SMV and improve your game while earning some money. Work at a gym if you’re passionate about fitness. These jobs are harder to get (RISK) and you may have to sacrifice a few nights out with the boys while you’re trying to land one. Again it’s the journey.
    Even if you are working at a shit job, constantly be looking for better opportunities.
    If you enjoy your work and your studies, then you will enjoy your life, you will be having fun while doing them. If you’re the grumpy sour-grape, your work colleagues are not going to be your friends and the cute girl at uni want nothing to do with you. If you’re the fun, energetic, passionate guy people will flock to you and you will have the chance to have fun 24 hours a day.

    1. I believe you are saying exactly what he was trying to say. Enjoying what you do in work can help one enjoy life in other matters, ie. socially. All the miserable grumps in life ALL hate their jobs. They take that misery into other aspects of life and, in turn, are not enjoying life.

    2. Well, my original intention was to clarify that we should make time to allow ourselves to “stop and smell the roses”, basically enjoy simple pleasures that make us happy instead of busting our asses working, going home, then going to sleep and little more.
      I agree with your points that you’re making; some good ideas there I’ll remember. I’ll clarify my meaning better next time.

    1. Thanks!
      I’ve done well with the following so far:
      Diesel: Only the Brave
      Nautica Voyage Blue
      Diesel: Fuel for Life.
      Diesel Fuel for Life REGULARLY gets comments from women. It’s like the finishing touch on dressing well.
      My strategy is that instead of always buying a large size, I buy mini sizes from eBay (the little bottles) and keep some in the car and also my bag.
      I use a few sprays before going into social situations or stores, etc. where women may be. Also one in my sport coat pocket always ready for a critical moment.
      Also some of the Bod Man body sprays are not bad but I prefer cologne (far more intricate scents).

  9. you wrote that
    “Severing the emotional and mental cords make a man feeling like he’ll die without Princess Wonderful is not easy, but the effort is worth it.”
    this is something I am currently struggling with big time. Can you give us Specifics on how to accomplish this?

    1. Hi, to be honest, part of how it’s happened to me at this point was intentional, part of it was not.
      The unintentional part seemed to come from the aftermath of an LTR in which I was emotionally destroyed…after enough damage was done, I seemed to be much more resilient to the effects of emotions that formerly crippled me.
      Honestly, I think it depends on the man in that it depends on one’s emotional situation and “neediness” and things like that which cause the problems to begin with.
      Regarding the other points:
      1. I have to constantly remind myself that the simple truth I’ve always known, but often ignored, was that there are MILLIONS of other women out there, and I often would run into opportunities. Even though for a long time I knew it to be true, it was something I didn’t allow myself to accept.
      2. Self-confidence: it took me a long time to have a decent amount of this. Back before I worked out, dressed better, and started correcting my behaviors/habits/etc I failed so much and likewise had little confidence in myself and hence more “need” to have that Ms. Special. She filled the need for validation that I didn’t provide myself already.
      3. Red pill truths: finally understanding, accepting, and implementing red pill truths I think was one of the biggest factors. Because that and understand game shatters this illusion of “soul mates” and *having* to depend on one woman for happiness.
      After learning the true nature of women, it opened my eyes and I no longer felt the same way about them. Therefore it turned out that it helped to ease me into releasing me from the chains of “one-itis”.
      4. Maintain your frame: (part of red pill knowledge) seems to help me be more rigid and undeterred inside. It takes constant self-reminders and practice for me but I noticed I stay on track, and no longer feel like I’m shot with an arrow if a woman implies she may leave.
      Honestly, I don’t have all the answers but those are some factors I believe I feel have made a difference. The red pill truths, reading RoK, Heartiste, and /redpill at Reddit have helped a lot. Because I see REAL EXAMPLES that greatly influence my growth and break down the shit I’ve been programmed to think over the years.
      Good luck my friend! I think it’s each man’s journey but there are many similarities along the way.

      1. your words have not fallen on deaf ears and I am going about implementing your advice immediately. Thank you so much for the depth of your wisdom and all the sharing that you have committed yourself to here!

    2. To borrow a line from Star Wars, when Obi Wan says “that boy is our last hope”, Yoda replies “No, there is another…” There will always be another woman in the future. We live on a planet of billions and there are plenty of single girls out there for you. Never put all your hopes and dreams on one person. An LTR should be a big part of your life, but not the center of it. Best of luck to you-start changing your behaviors and you’ll see an overall attitude change about women in no time. Now go get some!

  10. I looked how to contact the authors of a post to no avail… is there an email or message link?

    1. Hi, sorry about that. Let me figure something out and I’ll try to reach out to you. It seems my Disqus login claims my info was already in use (new to this).

    2. Hi there, now I added an email address for contact. Thanks! Look forward to hearing from you.

    1. Thanks! And of course thanks to Roosh, whom I originally spoke with before contributing. I have more posts to follow soon.

  11. Getitgoing is the avatar of yours actually an archive photo of Don Knotts? That’s just too damned funny, and at the same time damned cool. Good article, man.

    1. Yes it is, ha ha. In that pic he looked a bit sauve and cool. I almost used a pic or two from The Love God the movie he was in.

  12. I must be the poster boy for ONEITIS, I broke up with my girlfriend of two years after she cheated on me with some douchebag when I was
    out of town. I did not see this coming and didn’t pick her as the type to whore
    herself out like that, I had genuine feelings for her and I did not move on as
    easily as she did, after the usual break-up drama, she moved on and soon got
    married to him and has since had a baby. I later found out that she had been
    seeing him regularly in the weeks before the break-up and the old adage that
    “women are like monkeys, they won’t let go of one branch until they have a hold
    of the next” seemed to fit this broad & situation perfectly.
    Although as a single man of 29, I now eat better, exercise to stay lean and consider myself decent looking with enough previous dating experience, I have put my Ex on a massively undeserving
    pedestal and measure every girl I see against her, . As a result of this I have not had sex or had any contact apart from a
    drunken kiss or touch with a random female when out on the town in the past
    five years since the breakup (!). To confirm that is roughly 1826 days that my dick has been in a drought. I was 23 when this all started. How stuffed am I?

    1. So I take it you were really in love with her?
      Don’t beat yourself up. Look, I was similar to you,and had to accept some hard facts and start working on myself.
      That doesn’t mean I’m there yet, but I’m on the right path. And it sounds like you are too.
      Any man who eats better, excercises, and can be decent looking (or better) is capable of much more.
      Read, make personal changes, and adjust your way of thinking/attitude (frame) and make the best of yourself.
      Something tells me that you have more opportunities with women than seems possible this moment.
      And one more thing, wear a nice, decent-fitting sport coat and some cologne. 🙂

      1. I guess I was in love, though I know i missed a large bullet as she obviously wanted to get married pronto. She ticked all the boxes of a predatory female, I just wanted to get myself right and explore the world doing what I love. She wanted to morph into everything I was interested in until I was convinced I couldn’t find someone else.
        Now I wake up each day and at times can finally see how good it is to be free, these single years have really opened my eyes to the blue pill propaganda, I’ve watched as all the red pill research I have done comes true with beta males latching on to surrogate mothers and getting married. Ball and Chains. Mortgages and hostages…
        I guess the reason the oneitis is so strong is because there has not been a plethora of other broads to compare or to move on with.
        Beats being tied down though…

        1. You’re 29! Go to a national park, smell the clean air…. go for a walk, a cycle, look at the scenery…. time is on your side. I’m 42 now. Had awful times with women but some great times too. Just don’t put up with bad behaviour. Said all I need above about my last relationship. Happy now though. And go see some foreign countries. Travel broadens the mind and sometimes not in ways you might imagine.

        2. “She wanted to morph into everything I was interested in until I was convinced I couldn’t find someone else.”
          Typical predatory female trait here.
          My ex was like that, she took me for ride but I survived and moved on.
          Whenever I miss her I think of all the problems she constantly had and relief comes to me for not dealing with it. Kinda like stepping over a bum in the street.

        3. Whenever I miss my ex, I look a photos of her now as a let-herself-go 27 year old, quite a contrast to the thin fuckable 23 rear old I once knew.

        4. That’s certainly something I’ve done as well, without even realizing it directly.
          One girl I was once involved with when she was more average weight previously had very large breasts. Later in life she got a breast reduction and gained weight. Now her stomach meets or exceeds her breast line.
          It’s a shame.

    2. I too, was 23 when me and my then gf of 5 years broke up and know exactly how you feel. She moved on fairly quickly to another guy and moved in with him soon after meeting him(most likely knew him while we were still together). I have been through some tough times. Now, i’m 25 and decided to finally take charge of my life. I’m paying off all of my debts and then going back to school to pursue my true passion.
      You sound like you have potential, Gurney. Don’t let your ex still have control over your life and preventing you from meeting women(i suffered from this too for a time), because that’s exactly what’s happening. See how easy she moved on? You can do it to, and i’m sure as hell you can find someone better, if a relationship is what you’re looking for. Just live your life, dont let anyone or a thought stop you. Stop comparing girls to your ex, just enjoy their company.
      We’re all gonna make it.

  13. Well done man! Breaking the pattern is one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do.
    It happens to women too, I had one crazy bitch who tried to steal from me go round saying who knows what, certain people don’t talk to me cos of it, anyone fool enough to believe gossip without asking the subject isn’t worth caring about anyway.

    1. Honestly, it’s amazingly hard. I pretended like it wasn’t a big deal, but that was simply an idea. Execution, as always, is far harder.
      Yeah, i know what you mean about people believing gossip. I’m from a small town. It tarnishes reputations and does a lot more damage…usually thanks to people who are particularly bright.

      1. It’s clear you’ve put a lot of effort into this, that’s why it’s getting so much love. It’s balanced, it’s based in experience without being egocentric, and you bring multiple topics together well.
        Those people tend to be found out, it’s beneath good people to muddy their hands in most cases.

  14. Listen to that inner voice.
    Sometimes you cannot see what you are avoiding, but you KNOW it’s bad news. You can check it out later, from a distance.

  15. Great article GIG….
    Self Reliance yes but not to the extreme. Americans often go overboard with the self reliance theme. “No man is an island” is also operative. Have skills. No how to take care of yourself but equally important is to have friends and family that can act as your safety net. Have friends…lots of them to help you network. Indians ( dot ,not woo woo) know the value of large social networks obtained thru marriage which is essential for business and survival. Help from others is an act of grace and I like that you included this in your article…

    1. Yes, after visiting latin countries I saw a big difference between American “independence” and more family/friend involvement.
      Also I’ve heard latino people point out how the family is so separated over long distances, which is less common in other cultures. Which is true! And kind of sad in some ways.

  16. The two sides to a truth point is spot on. The probability of someone always being a victim is zero. If you know someone telling stories and always being the victim in the story then chances tell us that they are in fact the instigator. No one is pathetic enough to have a constant stream of feces falling on them.

  17. The advice given about how others perceive you made a lot of other things click in my head. I’ve heard similar advice before, but reading it here made me realize a lot of truths.

  18. It’s scary how many men have such similar experiences with women throughout their lives. I can so relate to this article especially the “one in a million” paragraph. My last LTR was a mix, thinking this is “the one”, but then putting up with awful sex and behaviour and then I would go off side, a lot. Then feeling so guilty. Tried talking to her several times but she’d clam up at the mere mention of sex. Should have nipped it in the bud early. Needless to say she was from a broken home. Been over two years hence and for some God awful reason keep thinking about the bitch. Gotta meet more of the ladies methinks…..and congratulations on a very inspiring article.

    1. “It’s scary how many men have such similar experiences with women throughout their lives. ”
      Yes, because 90% of women follow the media with no independent thoughts whatsoever. They don’t listen to their inner voice, they listen to their girl friends who feeds them crap for their own intentions.
      We’ve all experienced the same feeling of missing our ex but the trick is not to fall in love again…

      1. I agree. And if you see a pile of mags like Grazia, Heat or any of those style and gossip rags run like fuck!

        1. When I spotted ‘He’s just not that in to you’ on my Ex’s bedside, I knew we had just lost cabin pressure.

  19. 80% of the people you in your life don’t give a shit about your problems, and the other 20% are secret glad you have them!

    1. Yeah, unfortunately. Sure seems that way.
      I’ve found that most people can’t even be bothered to even listen to you talk about your problems.

    1. You’re entitled to your opinion, but I would remind you that even opinions can be wrong. Especially judging by the comments here so far.

  20. Once of the best articles in a while. Thumbs up man!
    “putting no importance in your future retirement”
    This I wouldnt advice. Save is fine. The goal to stop working for someone else is fine. But retirement is not. The moment you retire you will loose it.

    1. Well I meant at least being prepared financially. My father (along with a lot of people today) didn’t plan for the future and had a much harder time when he reached that age.
      Thanks for the compliment.

  21. From what I see here we are going to have two types of articles on RoK. Positive articles for the men that are geared toward real life improvement like this one, and articles to piss of feminist and get clicks(yall already know so I will not sully these good comments by mentioning them and risk releasing the vitriol here). Damn good read. We are Voltron, stay up.

    1. Thanks. You always have interesting points to make yourself. Maybe you should contribute, too.

  22. Great article, although it’s not stated how much of a change you need to do in order to appeal to the masses about your looks. If a man wants a beard, he should go for a beard. But appearances matter, so you don’t go with a full grown lumberjack beard and keep a decent looking 5 o’clock shadow beard.

    1. That’s true. I suggested to Roosh an article regarding that one specific topic but so far I think he’s not liking it. However I still believe it’s important enough to deserve at least 1 article on its own.
      There’s so much to learn regarding clothing, style, and more.
      I would say dressing/grooming conservatively with proven styles with perhaps something to make you more distinguished is a step in the right direction.
      Each man has to find what works for him best, also.

  23. I’m encouraged by the more mature articles coming here at ROK. While the priciples are unchanging, it’s good to hear experiiences and aplications for those of us who are older.

  24. EXCELLENT! All great points I frequently try to communicate to those I can influence. Look forward to more from you good sir.

  25. Never speak of your own personal problems. Everyone’s eyes glaze over. No one give an f. Speak of the issues. Keep your personal live personal.

  26. “The truth is, no one really cares how we feel or what’s bothering us. They care about how you make them feel and how you act towards them.”
    Is sad but is bloody true! After my accident where i couldn’t walk for over a year, I keep my cool but I notice my friends couldn’t handle seeing me as a cripple! My girls all fucking left me and I lost most of my friends! I want no pitty but to share that I learnt who my true friends where and if my bitches really cares about me. There was people that cared about me but I ignored and focus on the ‘popular’ crowd for most of my life! My advise is to make an effort with the people that care about u the most cause when shit hits the fan in life, its good to have true friends around which is so bloody hard to find these days.

  27. Great article, I can really relate myself with it. Groupthink sucks, damn how much I hate it… It’s good for sheeple, I was in a predominantly female school and I saw the deepness and darkness it can reach. hmmm universal suffrage……

    1. The worst part is that George Orwell warned everyone about group-think back in the 1940s in his magnum opus “1984.”
      People didn’t want to listen and the society we Americans now have is a direct result of group-think.

  28. This an excellent article – I repeat, this is an excellent article. I agree with all your points. I just don’t understand why you frame this as an article that only applies to men… A woman who doesn’t dress well, gets overly emotional, blames life for failures, doesn’t know how to take care of herself and doesn’t apply herself in school is similarly not going to get very far. Sure, she can try to get by on sex appeal at first, but if that is the only thing she has, she’ll find herself traded in for a younger woman (if the man is succesful enough to land a younger woman); or be forced to stay in a relationship with a man who can’t stand to be around her anymore. Not a good place to be.

    1. It’s adressed to men for two reasons:
      1) This site is mainly for men.
      2) It’s because many of the advice he gave (having one’s life under control, having resources, learning useful skills, having a strong character, etc.) are what makes a man’s sex appeal. Although they can be useful to a woman too.

    2. I agree with you with regard to the idea that there are principles that apply to women as well. That is true; to deny it would be foolish. However, they are different principles (with some that are common, at least to higher or lower levels) but the ideas I presented here are from the perspective I have as a man who’s not had the best life and learned a lot.
      It’s undeniable that men will go through far more difficult situations that women could even imagine (typically, although less so in the modern western world). I’d say you have some very good points I don’t often see embraced by today’s women, or at least not American women.

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