An Ode To The Resolutioners Who Are Making It

Resolutioners, as Urban Dictionary puts it, are;

…a new or rarely seen gym member who’s sudden appearance has undoubtedly been brought about by a personal resolution to “get in shape.”

The Resolutioner is viewed as somewhat of a nuisance by regular gym patrons because their commitment to fitness is often only temporary (usually fading within 2-8 weeks of initial sighting). In the mean time, the Resolutioner succeeds only in crowding up the gym’s limited floor space, sweating up the machines, and generally interfering with the workouts of more hardcore gym members.

Now, there’s enough hate out there for resolutioners by those in the fitness community and it’s pointless for me to add my contempt for those who join the gym and drop out after a short span – besides, others get the point across is far more hilariously entertaining ways.

What I’d like to do, in this so short it barely qualifies as an article and really is more of an ass kissing letter, is to congratulate those resolutioners who stuck to their personal resolutions of becoming fit. It takes an incredible amount of will power to not only get your butt into the gym but to keep it there regularly week after week and month after month.

We live in a society which increasingly wants us all to be mediocre and below average, so that those who refuse to rise up and become something better then they are won’t feel so pathetic for their piss poor life choices. But some men out there have nutted up and made the right choice for themselves.

I’ve been going to my gym since I first moved to this city in August, and sure enough it was a relative ghost town until January first when it filled up like a night club. By the time February rolled around it had dropped back to it’s normal, plenty of open space – but there were a few new faces in there which had shown up in January and stuck with it. Some have already made noticeable changes, and others are well on the right path. They’ve passed the two month point, having made it to March, and show no signs of slowing down.

It’s heart warming to see these guys who – in the words of the ever controversial Zyzz – are gonna make it. They’ve put their money down, got their ass in the gym and have joined the 10% rank of gym goers who actually stick with their new healthy lifestyle instead of quietly dropping out to cultivate their beer bellies and fat, cottage cheese thighs. I know a few guys who hate the idea of there being more fit or outright shredded men walking around – more competition for the ladies is essentially their reasoning – but I’m a very tribal minded guy. I want to live in a community of ripped brothers for whom leg day isn’t just an internet meme but an integral part of their life. I want to see fit bros everywhere I go. I want our society to stop being the laughing stalk of the world, where we’re more associated with McDonald’s and Stretch Pants then gyms and phenomenal physiques. It’s never been easier for someone to make the change into a physical Adonis, yet our society has never been fatter. It’s sounds narcissistic but nowadays just being in shape does make you better then those who aren’t. Don’t let anyone else tell you different.

Way back in October we had our magical Fat Shaming Week. My own contribution garnered me a lot of positive fan mail from fella’s who decided to make the change. One even sent me a progress pic. He’s made some amazing progress since October. It makes my day to run into fit folks or to see positive progress pics on fitness forums.

So for those of you men whom have made a commitment to excellent health and stuck to it, or have already been sticking to it for a long time; fuckin’ A. Keep doing what you’re doing and take pride in your positive lifestyle. Enjoy the mirin’ of jelly beer bellies, and keep on smiling condescendingly at all those  dairy queens who deride you for being awesome enough to bang their fit sisters – even though those porkers desperately want to grind up on your swole self.

Keep lifting and lowering heavy stuff gents. Keep making our society a little less embarrassing. Keep being more then average. I wish all you the best and success for your body goals. You’re gonna make it.

And for those of you not already committed to a lifestyle of fitness, what are you waiting for? Why aren’t you trying to be the best person you possibly can be? What’s your excuse?


Read More: Thin Privilege Doesn’t Exist

41 thoughts on “An Ode To The Resolutioners Who Are Making It”

  1. I like this post, it’s optimistic and encouraging. Men should be in good shape both to stave off all sorts of maladies that tend to take the average fat guy out and to feel better about themselves. My old man’s fat and has a host of related health problems. When I was a kid there were a lot of physical things he couldn’t do with me because he was overweight. Partly because of that, I decided early on I never wanted to be fat. Plus being fat is nasty.
    I just read your Fit to Fat article, by the way, and it was great.
    I laughed so hard at this:
    “Gone too was the taut midriff that drives men wild; her stomach had become rumpled and loose, the beginnings of a brown stained pudge turning her once sexy expanse of flatness; into something that looked like a battalion of Marines had just fought over it.”
    The text under the picture was great too.
    They played Taps over my dead boner.
    Well done.

  2. Billy Chubbs is consistently one of my favorite ROK authors. Vive la Canada, motherfuckers.

  3. Its amazing to see how that guy grew 2 arms and a leg, got shredded, and then grew another leg in old age.
    Truly inspiring stuff.

    1. Women don’t have any excuse either. Every so often thechive(my favorite humor site) posts user submitted before/after pictures. Some of the gals on there weight less than half their starting weight in the “after” picture.

  4. True, true, gotta get it on. But this Zyzz dude, c’mon man. I mean there’s getting in shape to improve yourself, but if your juicing and tanning your ass off so you look like the cover of a checkout line romance novel, are you really improving yourself or are you just risking your health to be some woman’s eye candy?

  5. My place of work has an on-site gym.
    Best believe I am there less than one minute after the shift ends.

  6. I sure as hell wasn’t new to the gym, but my diet helped me put on some weight that I’m fucking damn proud of. Everyone should be ! It’s your fucking temple, make sure it lasts !

  7. Also…..time to make my asshole comment of the day.
    Those who have stuck with their New Year’s resolution aren’t my superiors. They’re just on the way to being my equal.

  8. I wanted to keep going to the gym. I was going regularly up until January, but then I got a horrible illness that left me exhausted 24/7. Fucking sinus infection. Getting back to where I was may take some time.

  9. I have no idea why anyone would not want to go to the gym.
    1. You improve your fitness, image, mood, health and strength.
    2. You are surrounded by positive people doing the same.
    3. A great place to meet girls.
    Many people have walked into a gym, only to give up a few weeks later, and I put much of the blame on shitty instructors.
    Many times I have seen instructors putting BMI 25+ people on the treadmill and getting them to jog. This is not going to do anything except fuck up their joints.
    Many times I have heard them talking the same food-pyramid diet nonsense.
    Many times I have seen them dodge the free weights, in favor of non-natural movement machines.
    Many times I have seen them not teach the basics of stretching.
    Beginners should avoid international corporate gym companies, where the instructors have minimal training, spend most of their time in the changing rooms checking their hair, and have not even accomplished what they are trying to teach.

    1. Agreed, instructors are losers for the most part. Very few, such as a close friend of mine, are excellent at what they do. I always cringe when I see them in the gym, they embarrass people by making them do stupid exercises. Working out isn’t that difficult. After you get the proper form down, its really just push ups, sit ups, etc and cardio. You can change it up only so much. Many trainers try to make people do silly crap, like balancing on a half ball, in the same way that late night advertisements try to sell some new gizmo that’s suppose to give you ripped abs etc. It comes down to work and motivation, most people don’t have that…that’s where a trainer is best used.

      1. Absolutely.
        Watching some 60kg gaylord trying to teach a newbie how to do crunches on a pilates ball, with their feet wedged in some bungee straps hanging from the ceiling; its just fucked.
        And I bet none of these instructors could do 20 straight flat foot situps themselves.
        But the ones I really want to bitch-slap, are the guys on the machines who spend 5 minutes fucking around with their smartphones between their reps.

    2. Interesting. I have never thought of the gym as a place to meet girls. The gyms I go to are usually filled with men lifting weights or middle-aged women on treadmills. Besides that, my focus is generally on making gains rather than chasing girls. I guess its different for everyone.

      1. A valid point. We don’t go to bars and nightclubs to lift weights, so why use the gym to meet girls.
        But if a cute girl asks you for a spot, or wants to know where your accent is from. Then why not make the most of a opening.
        Living in Asia, most of the girls in the gyms are pretty young and trim.

        1. Sounds like I need to visit gyms in the Far East. I will say this: if a cute girl actually lifts enough weight to require a spot she deserves my attention.
          On a slightly different note, gyms are one of those places that have been highly feminized over the years. It used to be hard men lifting iron. Whiners need not apply. It was a place for men to talk about whatever they wanted.
          Now they are filled with machines and treadmills and PTs that know less than you. Even worse, in many gyms the free weight area seems like an after thought.

        2. Ha ha a funny thing today. I picked a girl up in the gym! It was after my work-out so no distraction. I just think its funny we have this conversation and real life throws me an example.

        3. That’s why I lift alone. I can be loud, pound my chest, and take 5 minutes between sets to stretch.
          Whatever I want to do to get stronger and more athletic. No meeting girls alone, but no distractions either.

  10. Not exactly a resolutioner here, because I didn’t start from zero this January – I did martial arts and the curlbro program all through college, got fat after four years at a desk job, then did starting strength one year ago and made decent progress until i injured myself. Spent the year spinning my wheels lifting 2x per week and not eating well. So this January 1 I said fuck it, I’m getting serious. I’ve missed a week or two but have generally stuck to my SS routine of lifting 3x per week, and just hit 250 with my squat and 315 with my deadlift. Not strong at all by most standards, but it’s a lot more than I was lifting one year ago.

        1. So your 1RM is about 360, nearly twice your body weight. Not earth shattering but certainly respectable since the average mortal could only dream about that lift.

  11. my gf goes to the gym at least 5 days a week. The bf keeps fit too. Dates now= going to gym together. Ode to this site… I’ve chosen the right gf who’s not the bitchy American woman but fit lady.

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