You Have To Learn To Love Rejection

If your ambition is to get good with girls, there’s one immutable law of game that you must recognize and accept right now – you will face rejection.

Unfortunately, even for the most experienced and best-looking players, rejection is simply an integral part of the process.

People have a natural tendency to avoid situations and feelings that are uncomfortable. If you put your hand in the fire, it’s going to hurt. Therefore our inclination is to protect ourselves as far as possible from adversity.

There’s no two ways about it – rejection is painful. When you walk up to a smoking hot girl, say hi and she ignores you, mumbles something and walks off, or worse insults you to your face, then you will feel terrible – at first. Why? Some game theorists link it back to our tribal requirement for acceptance. To get knocked back in prehistoric times meant excommunication from your social set, violence, or even death.


Of course, in the vast majority of normal interactions we face none of that today. But rejection remains a deep fear of many who are new to game, and even persists to some extent in those who’ve been macking chicks forever.

This is because when you approach a woman you are putting yourself on the line in a fundamental manner that is extremely unusual in any other area of life. Essentially, you are presenting yourself to another person and asking them to judge your fitness as a sexual prospect, even as a human being.

We live in a society where we are increasingly protected from taking personal responsibility. “Team work” is the norm, and if the team fails, then it’s not entirely your fault, right? PC culture with its insistence on egalitarianism posits that everyone is equal and that any failure is not the fault of the individual, but must be attributed to circumstances beyond his control – his upbringing, his social background and so on.

Suckling on the teat of these comfortable notions for most of our lives, we are encouraged to believe that when we don’t measure up it is someone else’s fault.

The Sexual Marketplace


Unfortunately, in the cruel arena of the sexual marketplace, there is nowhere to hide. Some people say that rejection in game is not personal. I am inclined to disagree. I think it is personal in many cases. True, she could be married or simply a bitch, but generally speaking if a girl turns you down, she does so based on the manner in which you present yourself – your personality, your looks, your dress sense. Your degree of masculine dominance – or lack thereof. You put yourself forward to be judged and you were found lacking.

Fortunately, the good news is that most of these things are within our control. If you’re out of shape, go to the gym. If your verbal game sucks, take an improv class. If you lack style, book an appointment with a personal shopper. And so on. These measures will improve your chances. But the law of averages being what it is, you will still face knock backs. Maybe you’re just not her type.

The point of this article is not to give you a pep talk – I’ve already done that here. The point is simply to make it clear that rejection is not only an inevitable part of the process, but it is also a desirable one. You should be facing rejection – you should be getting rejected every day. It is only through doing so that your game will improve, and by racking up the numbers that you will meet more women who are into you.


Knowledge is no substitute for action. You can read a hundred books and have learned discussions online spouting theory, but in the end, true game is putting yourself on the line. If you go to a club, stand around with a drink talking to your wings, and make a couple of half-assed, “hey, are you having a good night”-style “approaches” then you’re not really putting yourself on the line. You’re making the minimum effort.

What you need to be doing is walking up to girls displaying confident masculine dominance with the clear subtext that this is a man-to-woman interaction. You need to push for tangible outcomes – make-outs, phone numbers, sex. This is truly risking rejection as a man, this is putting yourself on the line, this is game. If she still turns you down, then fine, nothing lost and at least you’ve been congruent with yourself. You need to get to a mental place where you relish the challenge of being judged – where you come to crave the high-wire risk of loaded sexualized interactions.

Approach like you mean it, and approach frequently. These are the iron rules of Troy. You have to learn to love rejection. How? By recognising that by putting yourself on the line unequivocally, and by taking the greatest risks, you will achieve the greatest rewards. You may get knocked back, but at least it will be on your own terms. Anything less isn’t game but trolling, wasting both your time and hers.

Read More: You Must Push Each Interaction As Far as It Will Go 

122 thoughts on “You Have To Learn To Love Rejection”

  1. Like the old saying goes, you have to put out a few lines before you catch a fish. Not all of them are going to be successful, but if you don’t try, you’ll never succeed.

    1. The authors fear they would be seen as woman-haters and/or homosexuals. That’s the only reasonable explanation I can think of.
      But otherwise, I see it as an insult on the audience’s intelligence.

      1. What till you see her elbows; they are pointy as fuck.
        Geez, you guys must be dating 10/10 supermodels by the way you talk.

    2. The pictures just help to break the article up and give the reader something to pause at since a lot of people have short attention spans and can’t read long articles.

      1. Plus images can transmit ideas faster than words can.
        Now that I think about it, it’s also subliminal. You’re using your logical mind to decode the written words at the same time you view the image, so it goes straight to your subconscious.
        You’re being hit with two communicative mediums at once, so they’re a multiplier effect/synergy involved.

  2. “I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” ― Michael Jordan

    1. Very insightful and salient advice from ROK’s ace author Troy.
      Ability to shake off defeat and doggedly pursuing your ambitions must be the cornerstone of every men’s life. Take this legend for instance :-

    2. “We talkin’ about PRACTICE.”
      —overrated failure Allen Iveson. Naturally, during his brief flowering, ESPN loved him.

      1. Yeah he only lead the league in scoring and took a raggedy 76ers team to the NBA finals at barely 6 feet tall, what a failure…..

        1. Seriously. Iverson was a stud athlete. Check out his high school football reels. He was unbelievable. Passed, ran, returned kicks, 7 interceptions in one game at free safety. Michael Vick wishes he was as good as Allen Iverson. One of the greatest American athletes in my lifetime and I’m grandpa around here. Calling him an overrated failure only diminishes the name caller.

        2. He survived on his raw talent and nothing more— he had the same moves he had in high school. He could easily blow out bad teams based on this and his youth, but this talent+youth alone doesn’t work against strong, dedicated, practicing opponents. As a result, when faced with stiff, smarter competition in the playoffs, he crumpled. In NBA basketball, one great player is 80% of the team, so his failure to get a championsip speaks volumes. Compare Jordan, Kobe, and Lebron, all whom improved in the NBA due to practice and won titles.
          He did not improve himself from the moment he entered the league. That is failure. His natural gifts are not his doing. Praising that is like praising a man for getting tall or being handsome—it’s got nothing to do with his own efforts..

        3. That is typical of black athletes—he was merely physically dominant early. All of his accomplishments in H.S. were based on the fact that he had much more raw talent than those around him and was dominant early..
          There are many highlight reel black athletes in H.s. like Iverson—that amount to nothing when the talent pool becomes equal. Because Iverson refused to learn skill and merely relied on his talent and youth. He was a typical ESPN black athlete—physically dominant on first blush, but arrogant and punkish and too stubborn to practice, preferring the spotlight.
          To call Iverson “one of the greatest American athletes in my lifetime” is laughable on its face; he doesn’t even crack the top 100 of any decade you can name. A few years making highlight reels doesn’t do squat for this boy. He was a flash in the pan. An overrated ESPN failure to a T. Bring on the next one!

        4. You know I thought it over and you’re right. Youdaman. Iverson was barely as good as Jud Buechler. Your opinion of Iverson is completely devoid of any personal animus, just an example of your superior sports intellect.

        5. It’s sad when little boys like yourself can’t stop worshiping their favorite athletes. I truly feel sorry for you, unable to pull the posters of jocks off your wall and have a mature role model.
          oh well; I’m sure you look great in your replica jersey.

        6. What a complete dickhead you are and I mean that sincerely. I don’t even like Iverson and I quit following the NBA nightly box scores after the Tim Donaghy scandal. My dislike of Iverson permits me to appreciate his athletic skill but the concept of objectivity is beyond your feeble comprehension. Go play with your marbles.

        7. Your mom let’s me play with her marbles.
          And your hero worship is still there; Iverson blew it, he choked, and the idea that you think he was a truly great athlete instead of an overrated ESPN flameout just shows you are still on the blue pill for this part of your world.

        8. In one place with few black athletes and no winners check out the Worlds Strongest Man competition. It busts a common myth that whites are weaker.

        9. True. I believe they tend to be older, though. Non-black men physically mature later than black males.

        1. Basketball, much more than the other 3 big North American sports
          (Football, Hockey, Baseball), is single-player driven—- 70-80%% of
          your team is your best player. Lebron James, Michael Jordan, or Kobe in
          their primes alone can turn a basement-dweller into a mid-level playoff
          team, or a mid-level team into a championship contender. It’s the nature
          of the game, especially the modern (post-1980s) game, where superstars
          are promoted and protected by the league (e.g. travel is never called on
          And the talent drop off from 1st-tier NBAer to
          2nd-Tier is steep and quick—this is why the draft is so mega-important
          in the NBA, because after the first 10 or so draft picks, you fall to
          the 2nd-tier dudes, and the 2nd round and beyond are basically scrap
          heaps. Contrast that with the baseball or football drafts, where first
          rounders are hyped but it’s really common for much later draft choices
          to become top tier players. Hockey is closest in superstar-driven sports
          categories, but even then a prime Wayne Gretzky or a young Sydney
          Crosby are not the team-changers that Jordan or Kobe is.
          So when a so-called “Legend” doesn’t win a ring, it
          speaks volumes, since you can’t be a Legend on an otherwise good team
          and NOT win. What it means when a basketball “Legend” can’t win the big
          one is that the Legend is overrated and isn’t a Legend.
          might be a very good player or a player relying on his youth to win, but
          he’s not a Legend. It means he probably beats up on weak teams but
          fails in the face of good and great ones—fails to rise to the occasion or improve. With Iverson, it’s obvious
          that he never improved from his first day in the league; he just got
          more brash about taking over a game. Once he lost the youthful ability
          to just physically blow over opponents and bounce back each night the same way, he was toast. Jordan won titles,
          retired to play baseball (or was suspended, take your pick), then came
          back and could STILL beat the young ones. Jordan’s the legend, Iverson
          was ESPN highlight reels only.
          Jordan, Magic, Kobe, LeBron,
          Russell, Shaq—take one of these guys in their prime, and put them on a
          mid-level team (i.e. 4th or 5th seed in their conference playoffs), and
          they are instantly championship contenders. And all improved after
          entering the league.
          Iverson in his prime—put him on a mid-level team
          and they still are one player away from seriously contending, and he never got better. That’s the
          difference between a Basketball Legend and Iverson.

        2. Cheater extraordinaire Tom Brady has 4 rings. To paraphrase Pres Reagan, Mr. Brady, please return your rings.

  3. Studies have shown that women are less intelligent, more impulsive, and less emotionally mature than men. So by being rejected, she is saying that she isn’t good enough for you or that she can;t keep up with yo. And that’s fine because you shouldn’t have to lower your standards

    1. “So by being rejected, she is saying that she isn’t good enough for you or that she can;t keep up with yo.”
      He he….now that´s what I call positive thinking but you know
      it´s bullshit right? She´s more likely rejecting you because
      you´re not good looking, cool or self-confident enough.

      1. That may be the case from time to time, but you better believe that you will be rejected by women many times because she does not believe that she is good enough for YOU. Fact. You will approach women in your life who will think you are above their league and that you are slumming, even though you are not. Also she will reject because she is just not in the mindset that night. Trust me, if we could read minds, you would approach every broad all the time anytime.

        1. I would say it´s the other way around. From time to time they will reject you because they think you´re above them. Most of the time though they will reject you because you´re not good looking, cool or self-confident enough.
          “Also she will reject because she is just not in the mindset that night.”
          She is not in the right mindset that night because of YOU. Some hotter dude would put her back in the right mood pretty fast.

        2. Disagree with the edit. Ive been hit on plenty of times by women and at times have been cool to their advances because Im not in the mood for blah blah blah how are you junk that night. Comes with age and experience.

        3. What comes with age and experience? Women hitting on you? Please clarify.
          By the way, I´m not 20 either.

        4. What comes with age and experience?
          Not trying to nail everything with a heartbeat. Im 38 y/o been ‘married’ but not on paper. Im no Don Juan, but have never had a difficult time meeting women, just the ones that meet my standards and qualifications. Ive been hit on and picked up by girls throughout my entire life, so I know what its like to be out with a friend, or even myself when travelling, get hit on, and not be in the mood for it. Again, Im older, been with enough women to last a few lifetimes, have plenty of buttons on my phone to push if I want to drain my balls, and I am relating my own experience being hit by women as to why women will reject men. Ive also rejected cute girls just to fuck with them as well. To show them they have no control. Again, Im not thirsty and dont care. My terms, not their’s.

        5. Well, I´m 34, never been married and had my experiences too. Also I totally agree with what you just said. I´m pretty much handling it the same way.
          Still, I don´t understand what you rejecting women has to do with women rejecting men.
          It´s a different ballpark. Their brains are not operating the same way.
          They are like emotional babies and their moods can change from one minute to another….therefore the right dude could bring her mood from zero to horny in a couple of minutes.
          Just because you can´t get her motor running doesn´t mean another man can´t. Different women, different tastes.

        6. While that’s generally the case, I have had several experiences where I have been rejected, sometimes even rudely, by girls who were just plain scared of my charisma. I bet those same girls have gone home and touched themselves to the thought of me.
          Now I’m not the tallest or the best looking guy out there, but there’s such a thing as girls freezing by your approach and shielding themselves, shutting down if you will.
          Just like inexperienced guys can get painfully shy, confused, run outta words while trying to maintain frame and fuck their game up with a hot chick, girls can be the same.

        7. Oh, wow this just happened to me. I couldn’t figure out why this woman, who initially showed me tons of interest, suddenly rejected me. Truth be told I was slumming it, because she had this incredible rack. Any advice on how not to make that mistake again?

      2. She might already be engaged, not alone… or simply, not interested. I mean, if in a club, 10% of the women came to you, would you be interested by all of them? I doubt so. Because you may have your tastes, that’s it. It doesnt make it bad.

  4. What’s wrong with the girl in the picture, she looks weird (deformed)? Is that the author’s ideal of a female beauty?

  5. Not to cockbuff But Troy Francis is hands down one of the best writers of the site. This article is timely even for a “Vet” like myself. This can actually apply to other areas of your life as well. Your job, family, friends etc
    Great article

  6. Ask any player/pimp/mack/womanizer/pua worth his weight and they’ll tell you that they get rejected all the time. In any endeavor, if you’re not willing to taste failure or disappointment you’ll never be successful. If a girl can sense that you take rejection personally she will realize that you don’t value yourself.

    1. “In any endeavor, if you’re not willing to taste failure or disappointment you’ll never be successful. ”
      Absolutely correct. Broads, business, sports, etc…you will always fail more than you succeed. Calculate your closure rate, determine how much and how often you want to close, then keep the funnel filled with abundance of prospects to keep hitting the desired closure rate.

  7. As always, Troy Francis hits the nail on the head. Rejection is often personal, but one thing to keep in mind is that she isn’t necessarily rejecting YOU – she’s rejecting the 5-10 second presentation of yourself that you gave her. So, by being rejected, you can figure out the best way to present yourself which will help make you successful.

  8. “true game is putting yourself on the line.”
    We live in a highly feminized society where women are exalted and men are treated as disposable objects. Today’s self-indulgent Western women are too high-risk for LTRs and marriage for the most part. So men have responded to this by having near-random sexual encounters with these empowered wonder women as the only relatively safe way to interact with them. Thus, the birth of Game as a means to this end.
    While Game may achieve its end, it doesn’t change the underlying dynamics of the status of men and women in our feminized society.
    Game may be “putting yourself on the line” but I fear it really is more of a minstrel show where men resort to all sorts of parlor tricks to receive sexual favors from the overlords. In a certain sense, it is a form of begging.
    It is what it is and maybe that’s all we have now. But I hope that Game is a temporary solution until the natural order of things can be restored.

      1. Agreed. If it ever is restored, however, it will require everything completely collapsing first, then building back to “the natural order of things”

      2. History isn’t linear, nor is culture. The Romans went through an intense period of feminism right before they collapsed, as have other civilizations, to the point that the first recorded words of a Celt was of a British woman mocking a Roman woman because Roman men were so weak and effeminate. The notion of “the toothpaste is out of the tube” applies to a lot of things, but never to human nature and its propensity to predictable fluctuations.

    1. “Game” and “begging” and all that has been applied for millions of years, by about any species on this planet.
      Call it courtship, mating ritual or what have you.

  9. This is a good one. I am archiving this article to my collection. I think too about that quote from MJ and I believe that it applies very well to game – especially to approaching. Would you go to the gym to just sit and stare at the weights? And even if you dare to touch the dumbbells, Would you try just doing two or three reps with poor form and then go back home? You know and I know that crap will not give results. Cut the bullshit and do it for real or don’t do it at all.

  10. The best salesmen are the ones who love to tell rejection stories and laugh about it.
    I’ve known a few I-Bankers in my day, and I-Banking and Wall Street work is all sales, which means burnout and depression and low sales for 80%. The ones who lasted and made tons of dough were the ones who couldn’t wait to get off the phone after being blown out by a client to tell EVERYONE how hilarious it was.

  11. The best thing is to understand that it isn’t even a rejection. Rejection implies that she is the arbiter or decider of what is good, of your future, what the whole world thinks…..the truth is women don’t have the power to decide anything, they are recievers of what is decided by men and they know it. You decide how you Feel. Do you feel rejected? What kind of man feels defeated without another man actually having to defeat him? A sad man indeed. one that deserves no pussy.
    Rejection would be if her boyfriend or some other guy came along and verbally + physically kicked your ass in front of her, your social circle and everyone else in the world, then that same guy fucks/rapes your future wife and daughter, in front of you. Then they castrate you, robbing you of the desire and ability to simply move on to a better woman. Then they walked off into the sunset kicking dust into your face and everyone in the world laughs and claps… THAT would be hard to dust off
    Otherwise you might just be better than her man. Otherwise you might just end up with a hotter/better woman than her. Otherwise everyone else in the world might just think you’re a better guy. It sounds silly, but really all she can do is TURN YOU DOWN. dust off and move on, instead of feeling rejected.
    Women often seem to forget that they, even in this day still subconsciously hide behind men, even just the idea of a man. Well one thing for sure, I don’t believe just the idea of a man can be better than me, and I won’t be taking anyones word for it.

  12. I feel like I’m a decent looking guy and I get rejected all the time. What’s actually funny is that girls that I end up with literally believe that I NEVER get rejected. I let them keep thinking that, but it’s interesting to see it from a girls perspective.

    1. I slept with a woman once… I had a hard time untying her bra (like Joey and Rachel in friends, lol)
      To make the ambiance stay cool and her in the mood of sex, I made a joke on “how long I had seen a bra.
      She told me “yeah, right… I’m sure you bang at least this x number of women a month…”
      I was like wow. Yes, women believe men have an easy time in life to get jobs, women or anything, lol

      1. Recently, a girl told me she believed men received as much messages a day as women on Okcupid or other dating websites. It really shows how out of touch with reality women can be.

        1. It makes driving down the road a scary proposition.
          Might as well share the highway with a bunch of people on an acid trip.

        2. She might not be totally right, but she is not wrong either.
          If she goes for doctor or athlete, of course, she’ll have a hard time to get noticed.
          Those guys literally drown under women proposal, mails, etc… because women are as thirsty of guys with status that men are for women with hot bodies…

        3. Having no success doesnt mean you don’t have opportunities.
          All you have to do sometimes is to show status/power, and they come on you like flies on shit.

        4. Agreed. But to show status/power, you must be willing to go out and, at least, socialize. Barring that, no amount of status/power will get you women. I know people who are doctors but they are homebodies so they never meet anyone, let alone women. One can argue that even going out without any ‘active’ gaming is still gaming, albeit chode gaming.

        5. No, we were talking about dating sites, right? You can show pictures that DHV you (Demonstrate Higher Value)
          * You having a nice hobby (posing on an Aston Martin seems snobbish, while a pic of you playing golf or piloting will make pussies wet)
          * in your work environment (desk, with a discreet diploma in the background)
          *doing something risky/fun
          *enjoying your time at a job party (nicely dressed or decontracted for a barbecue, but drinking wine in an expensive glass)
          It’s those kinds of details that sell you out or that qualify you in the eye of a sexual match.

        6. Yes, on dating sites, perhaps it’s easier to DHV because your pictures relay a lot of value (or lack thereof). I was thinking of in-real-life. You are correct though, this thread veered into online dating.

        7. Yes, while women may use Instagram and photoshop to hide defaults or poor social condition, we can use dating site to our advantage and only show the good side, and the good activities we make at times…
          or the fun we have hanging with our pals.

    2. 1. Could be just shit-testing you.
      2. Could be so deluded by feminism that she actually thinks the sex drives of men and women are equal.
      3. Could be hamsterizing sleeping with you: “oh, so may women wanted him and I got him. I know because he told me he sleeps with many women.”

    3. This. I wish I could give you fifty thumbs up, I’ve never heard this from another guy before.
      I’ve been blown out VICIOUSLY, like I was utter slime by girls who I considered to just barely scrape through as attractive enough to bother with. On the other hand, literally every girl I do get with seems to have this standing assumption that I’m this unbelievable baller who is just swimming in pussy. It really is odd.

  13. Rejection can often be nothing personal. In fact, if there’s one word I hate more than any other in the pick-up community it’s “rejection”. If you walk up to a girl and she walks off, or is a bitch to you or refuses to give you her number – to say that she “rejected” you implies that she considered you as a human being in any kind of in-depth way to eventually come to her decision that you simply weren’t up to par. This is, of course, a fallacy. Yes, sometimes a girl will “reject” you because you failed to tingle her vagina, but a helluva lot of the time the word “rejection” is a complete misnomer. It also places way, way too much substance in a “decision” she made about you.

  14. When I get rejected I start singing the very first line in this song: “bitch don’t like me there’s something wrong with the bitch. Fuck that bitch”
    50 Cent – Material Girl [Power Of The Dollar]:

    1. What I understand from this article is that dating women is like an actor going to an audition for role. If he gets rejected, he shouldn’t take it personal. That what most acting teachers and talent managers say. Now in this article, men shouldn’t take it personal when it comes to rejection. Well I’m slowly learning game here.

    1. Really? She looks like she’s had her lips injected. Maybe it’s an off picture though.

  15. rejection happens to me around 10 times per week. 2 give me their phone numbers and then flake when I call them. Another will go out with me on a date then act like a bitch. Another will play games and then I bolt after 2 wasted dates. Eventually 1 fucks me. Does it get me down? Sometimes. It used to bother me more back in my 20s. Experience taught me that the ones who rejected you regret it later but who cares, they are women, and that is the only power they will ever wield in life. This is another good article from Troy.

  16. You can’t complain about how you didn’t win the lottery if you never even bothered to buy a ticket…

  17. When a woman “rejects” you, it could be because of hundreds of reasons. I used to let it get to me, but looking back, it really wasn’t worth getting upset about. Just move onto the next one.

  18. That woman has man hands and her thumb is hiding her adam’s apple.
    Knowledge of which would make being rejected by her that much easier to handle

  19. Women are the weaker sex, but you pickup artist losers waste your pathetic lives reading articles online to become “alpha” so that hopefully, one day, a hot chick might give you the time of day. So who’s the weaker sex again? You bitter, beta, pussy chasing retards.

    1. if we are retards, then why did you lower yourself by commenting and hanging out with us on the same page ?

    2. I feel so bad for you, since the attitude feminism has ingrained into you has made you so unlikeable and unpopular.
      Those mentally-deranged feminists have implanted counter-productive ideas in your head to make sure you are socially rejected, laughed at, and marginalized, all so that they can receive your money and attention. Because they are so socially rejected and mentally-deranged, they sought and succeeded in making you like them–because misery like theirs loves company.
      I hope one day you can reject those false feminist notions and stop making yourself a laughable outcast for the sake of the mentally insane. Then you can come join our party.

    3. LOL, going by the posting history this one actually sympathised with Ms. Marriage Failure Exhibit A – the fortysomething woman who cheated on her husband with an alpha male and then got unceremoniously dumped by the alpha but still doesn’t accept responsibility for her decision. He certainly wasn’t a pickup loser. Also took time to comment on the fat shaming article, which suggests she’s highly likely the size of a heifer.

    4. I really don’t get all this alpha vs. beta stuff. I take it that alpha simply means someone who is perceived as a leader among men, rather than a follower. If so, that’s fair enough but the pivotally important thing with women, which just works, doesn’t involve a bit of fakery. Be yourself. Tell them what you want and what you expect. Take the risk of being truly honest. Clearly you risk pissing one off, but if she stays, you will have the beginnings of an unbreakable bond. Set these expectations very very early in the relationship so that it doesn’t seem like you’re moving the goalposts later.

  20. I’m that guy who reads a tons of books and online posts. Since i joined the manosphere that’s all I’ve been doing. I haven’t gone out to put theory into practice. I want to otherwise what’s the point. But this rejection thing. Just the thought is extremely terrifying. I just wouldn’t be able to deal with. Sometimes when I’m out I’ll build up some courage, but just as I’m about to start making a move forward…BAM! The thought of rejection uppercuts me right in the face. Then I just go back to more reading as if that’s enough.

    1. approach after you drink alcohol a few times, then ween off the alcohol as you get more confident.

  21. You’ll never love rejection, but you can minimize it’s impact by managing it. Maintain your confidence level by lowering your standards or engaging in p4p when necessary. The less thirsty you
    are, the less likely it is that you’ll be rejected.

  22. Considering I attempted my first group approach yesterday (it was two girls), this is very timely and I should read it. Of course, that approach didn’t pan out but the point was I did it. Before yesterday I always chickened out whenever I saw one or more girls in a group that I thought was attractive. “If only she were by herself” I’d think.
    I’m using what I’m learning here to get somewhere. I may get little more than an annoyed look or the typical “I have a boyfriend,” but it’s better than not trying at all. A bad result is better than no result. I think the approach that taught me this was the one where the girl told me she had a boyfriend already, but she respected that I saw what I wanted and went for it.

  23. It’d be nice if there were women worth approaching in the first place so I can get my rejection time in.
    Went out shopping for shoes today and I lost count of how many lip pierced, purple haired, fat, pajama bottom wearing “women” that were out and about. Not ONE woman, I say not ONE that wasn’t already with a man that I’d consider hitting on.
    And I went all over town looking for those damn shoes…..

  24. Having been approached several times by girls, often I just act like a prick, because I have a prickish disposition. Its much harder than you think to feign niceness to a complete stranger. Frankly, any man who pulls off on a stranger girl is quiet lucky. Because if I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, or I stepped in dog shit 5 minutes ago, or I have a headache and its 5 p.m. or I just had an arguement with the asshole on the phone. Or 100 other factors, then the girl who approaching me is getting chewed out and has no shot. Often getting rejected by a girl has NOTHING to do with you.

  25. It seems to me that in doing this it will numb one to the rejection and serve to reduce and eliminate any emotional connection to a woman ensuring that sure, you may have sex now and then but there will never be anything real behind it. An approach to a relationship with a woman is not the same as persevering in sports or personal activities. Those things involve you and only you. A relationship involves another person and is a wholly different thing. Relationships need an emotional connection to flourish and if we train ourselves to approach potential relationships totally devoid of emotion in fear of the consequences(emotional pain from rejection)then we make ourselves emotionally unavailable and undesirable as a long term partner for any woman.
    If all you want is sex then I guess this is good advice but prepare yourself for a life of forever alone because no woman is going to want to hold onto a man who is unable to connect with her on an emotional level.

    1. The article is about approaching, as that’s where rejection takes place. Being detached to the outcome of an approach is different than being detached in a relationship.

  26. Great post. Comparing Michael Jordan’s career to gaming women – “I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that’s why I succeed” – hits the nail right on the head as well. Maintain your good looks(keep up the gym, watch what food you put in your body) and your game will take care of itself. Also, with the influx of dating websites, more guys are meeting hot women on dating websites like &

  27. Learning to love rejection is probably one of the more damaging PUA beliefs,
    Michael Jordan is a poor example because he has a gift few have and most people even if they work harder then him will never be as good in basketball. After numerous failures most sensible people will come to this conclusion that their talents lay elsewhere instead of learning to love rejection.
    I am tried of the PUA communtity blamming men for things they cannot control like: She finds you attractive, M/F ratio, countries GDP, and just plain dumb luck. By saying Game and lifting a few weights trumps all it’s the PUA community that is spouting egalitarian nonsense.
    What happens when a guy learns game, improves himself only to be told “your not my type.” by dozens of women 3 months straight, I doubt any normal person is going to learn to love this and then to add insult to injury your told “hey your not working hard enough or being masculine enough.” especially when a men is trying this hard already.
    I agree you should act on what you learn by approaching but do it in a knowledgeable awareness of the environment around you but any male / female interaction should be 50% there comes a point when women have to do their part in the mating game as well….

    1. If someone is getting rejected for 3 months straight with *all* his approaches, there is something ungodly wrong with him. Even chodes with no game will eventually find a drunk girl that likes them if they consistently approach for 3 months straight. One has to persevere in the face of failure to taste success. True in every aspect of life, including pick up.

      1. Why deal with that only to get a drunk chick? that would crush anyone’s confidence but The smart men would focus on other areas like making money then move abroad. Pickup is about attraction if she is not attracted to you game is useless.

        1. It’s funny how “make money and move abroad to find good girls” is thrown around here as if it’s as easy as buying candy from a store. Not to mention, not everyone wants to move abroad.
          I said drunk chick as a way to emphasize the lowest denominator that one can expect if he goes out consistently and approaches. Surely, one can find a sober girl who likes him as well. The common thread being going out and approaching.
          Yes, not every girl is attracted to you and part of learning game is weeding those girls out. Many times, though, a girl likes you or is on the fence and running good game can convert that to a lay. I have lost many girls who were into me by running shitty game, which is the reason why I chose to learn it.

        2. RA, No one claimed going abroad was easy but the women are easier to deal with in the USA.
          Game will not create attraction, whether you approach once or 200. First you need to see if there is initial attraction which makes your approaches more productive. Then game will help.
          Ask her a question that has nothing do pick-up
          How is she reacting to you: tone of voice? Pupils dilate? Move closer to hear you when you lower your voice? Does she back away slightly as Move your arm slightly toward as you point to an object?
          If you have a sense that she is attracted to you then you are not wasting your time and your game will then count for something,

  28. Try this trick: Go up, say hello in a nice warm way and just stand, smiling in a relaxed manner. Wait. Keep waiting. If she’s into you she will ask the first question (what’s your name). When she does that ALL the power is in your hands. If she blows you off, move on with a nonchalant shrug.
    Note: I’d only do this once or twice in a night, only after you’ve got a solid IOI.

  29. Totally agree, I have been making a habit after all obvious failed approaches to ask, “Do you want to go hang out”, regardless of how awkward or terrible the conversation went. Just hearing the words, “No I don’t want to” will make you more ballsy for the next one. If I get rejected, I feel I have gained something from the approach. Another good way is to just keep asking a girl “why not’? She will either feel its awkward or actually tell you her reasons (most likely fake reasons). But getting used to rejections is key. if you have no zero fear of rejections or approaching, it’s superpowerful. Think of playing supermario with unlimited lives and how that compares to playing with 3 lives.

  30. I’m in a depressive state, lost most of my mojo and masculine aura though lack of social life, but i’d never stop approaching woman. Sometimes i’ve been obliterated and it felt masochistic to do so, but i know its the only way i’ll heal. Men who are in a better condition than me and struggle to approach women or people who can’t talk to stranger are a mysteries that i clearly don’t care so solve.

  31. This is a great article. Only when you’re prepared to fall flat on your face over and over can you get the best ones. Unless you’re Tom Brady, you really do have to get over yourself and not get butthurt if something doesn’t work out. I am always overconfident because 20-30 years ago I was hot and well known for being so; even though I’m just average now and not particularly rich, I still think I am that way. I have had some comically dismal experiences dating, but they have allowed me to have to have some insanely great experiences too, with women who were by all rights way, way out of my league.

  32. I once read an interview with David Spade where he said that he would have been a total loser in his hometown, but for some reason LA changed the game and all of a sudden he was near the top of the pile. This is a more extreme version of what I have experienced: okay-looking girls sometimes have no interest, but you get over yourself and find yourself dating a truly gorgeous one. I think this may simply be because so-so looking girls are looking for a handsome bf to validate them. A really lovely girl is well aware of it and doesn’t need a particular handsome chap to fill her needs — she needs someone with solidity and character. What I find is so fun about this dating thing is that it really can help you think about and get to the very best side of your character.

  33. I’m very shy and sentimental guy! So rejection is always a huge problem for me! Now I find a solutions! I met girls only online! It helps me to deal with my emotions! I use only reliable dating services( match, eharmony, rbrides ) So maybe I will love rejection soon=)

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