A concept that is incredibly popular in self-development is “fake it ’til you make it”—that is, to affect the external trappings of success until it becomes second nature and you generate actual success. But too many people do the first part and not the second. If you pretend to have “made it” while not actively working to improve your core strengths then your results will start to decline over time until they become suboptimal.
Fake It ‘Til You Make It
Rather like “Feel the Fear And Do It Anyway,” “Fake it ‘Til You Make It” is one of those aphorisms that really requires little explanation. As soon as you’ve grasped the basic concept, it can feel incredibly liberating. In the field of seduction, for example, you might start to act as though you are a man with multiple girls, even when you’re just starting out and are chode-y as hell. Doing so not only works—if you give the impression you are a man in demand then women will believe it and will be drawn to you —but it also feels great. In affecting success or abundance in an area where you seek to excel you will start to get positive feedback from people that will bolster your confidence and reinforce your self-esteem.
Faking it ’til you make it has perhaps been one of the most important tools that I have utilized both in improving my skills with women, as well as in business and socially. When it became obvious to me that the easiest way to feel confident in a situation that might previously have made me feel uncomfortable—say, for example, entering a party and going around talking to large groups of people—simply pretending that I was already a confident guy made a world of difference.
In acting as if, I found that I quickly acquired the mannerisms and skills of the man i wanted to become. In doing so, as I received positive feedback from those I interacted with, so I felt corresponding spikes in my actual confidence. It was a virtuous cycle, until I no longer needed to pretend as I genuinely possessed the confidence I craved.
But Also Work On Making It . . .
Faking it is all very well, but you must also be sure that you are also spending at least an equal amount of time, if not more, working on actually making it.
I once knew a guy, Mike, who spent a lot of time out on the club circuit in London trying to impress girls by telling them he was a successful entrepreneur with a thriving company (which was always his ambition). While this approach did indeed work on occasion, and he was able to attract beautiful girls who were impressed by his apparent enterprise and commitment, he could never fully escape the sense of emptiness this approach gave him.
In the end, after having spent the best part of two years conning people that he was a self-made man, Mike suddenly found things falling apart around him. His parents were unceasingly unwilling to bankroll his lifestyle, Money was running short and he found himself in a downward spiral of alcohol and drug use as he struggled to reconcile his fantasy life with his true existence. Finally, after a particularly vicious three-day bender, he hit rock bottom.
After seeking help with his addictions, and achieving equilibrium, he immediately set about writing an actual business plan for the start-up he hoped to create. Now, through hard work and over a year later, he has millions of dollars of funding confirmed. His venture is shaping up to be a success and he no longer has to pretend. Tellingly, he has also stopped trying to impress girls and has been single for a long time.
Now that he has generated a modicum of genuine, authentic success, and is a man on his own mission, he has felt less need for external validation from girls. His project, and a sense of movement towards his higher goals, has been enough for him.
How To “Make It”
Of course, there have been countless books and articles written by self-help gurus and experts, as well as YouTube videos and TED talks and like, on the subject of making it. If you are interested getting a better understanding of the mechanics of success then I would recommend that you check some of these out. Some resources are better than others of course, but search and you are sure to find something that resonates with you.
As there are so many different ideas about how best to achieve success (in any given field) I really don’t have space to discuss them all here. There are, however, three fundamental principles which, if applied, are sure to set you on the right path. These are:
- Decide what you truly want
- Set goals to get there
- Persist with massive action to achieve them
It makes sense that you should start by determining precisely what it is you want to achieve. Many men aspire to money, but some would prefer artistic success, or some other form of mastery. Decide what’s important to you, rather than what you think should be important.
You should then map out the precise stages that you need to go through to get there, and then attack these with persistence and massive effort until they are achieved. Sounds simple? It is—but executing is a whole lot more challenging.
As you work on “making it” in the background, you should by all means “fake it” on the surface. But just remember that is in only by doing both simultaneously that you will truly achieve success, fulfillment and happiness.
To find out how to become successful meeting and attracting beautiful women read Troy’s bestselling book, The Seven Laws of Seduction. To learn more click here.
Read More: How to Get Laid in Ibiza
Refreshing article,
There is no shortcut in life.
When I was in my early 20’s, I decided to try a scam very similar to the one the author’s friend “Mike” used. I habitually attracted women quite easily, but for some strange reason I decided to pretend that I was a recording engineer who worked with big-name bands, when I went to Spring Break one year in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida.
I met this Serbian college girl from Canada right out of the gate who was 100% prime, center-cut. She locked eyes with me right away when I walked in the door of a club near my hotel, and kept looking at me as I headed in her direction and sat down at the bar about six seats away from her, while 10 dudes hovered around her, trying desperately to get in her panties. To this day I have no idea why I chose this one and only time to make up a bullshit story about exactly who I was, and what I did, in order to score pussy. But I suddenly blurted out, after she moved closer to me and asked me what I did for a living, “I’m a recording engineer in the music industry and I work with big-name bands…”
Mightily impressed, she lasered in on me for the rest of the night. She asked me for more details about my alleged craft, and I stacked the lies up higher and higher until they blotted out the sun. We wound up driving on the beach later that evening, in the moonlight, and we talked for hours, until finally we landed back at my hotel room directly on the water. It was an incredible night. The moonlight was streaming in the window as the ocean waves lapped the shore – Hollywood-movie kind of stuff. But as I went for the kill, she suddenly told me to stop because she was a virgin and she was saving herself for marriage and all she wanted was a committed, loving relationship and a traditional family and nothing else mattered. (Holy fuck.) Not buying her story right away, I tested her love canal for tissue proof, and sure enough, she had a hymen. So we wound up doing everything else but fucking. I took her back to her hotel that morning, and I felt like a fucking piece of dog shit the rest of the day – but this would only get worse as time progressed.
I saw her again that evening at the club where I’d originally met her. We clicked again, big-time, right away, and she started to get more and more into me – or should I say, she got more and more into the illusion. She was one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen up to that point in time, and she came from a good family; she was dedicated to working out and to healthy living in general; she had aspirations for everything that mattered to me; she was a true keeper. We spent more and more time together over the next few days, and I could tell that she was starting to fall in love with me.
During her last night in Ft. Lauderdale, before going back to Canada, we met one last time at the same club where we had initially hooked up. A buddy of mine had flown in that same day to spend some guy time with me before his marriage in nearby Orlando, scheduled a couple of days later, where I was to be the best man. As my buddy and I stood at the door of the club, she broke down in tears and blurted out that she loved me. She begged me to promise her that we would meet again, in the spring, next year, in the same location, to be married. My buddy looked at me like, “How in the hell can you let something like this get away?” But I was fucked on that score. If I decided to man up and tell her that my supposed vocation was a lie, I’d lose her. And if I maintained that the bullshit story was true, she’d find out it was a lie anyway. It was a lose/lose situation. I kissed her goodbye and off she went, crying her eyes out…
A couple of hours later, as I was lying in bed asleep in my hotel room, the phone rang – it was the Serbian girl. She told me she wanted me to take her virginity. (I about had a heart-attack.)
My buddy was sleeping in the king bed next to me; we’d shared the room to cut down on expenses. My mind raced. She was so fucking hot…what should I do. Finally, I told her to come over. And she arrived about 10 minutes later, with a huge smile on her face.
First off, we showered together. We were soaped up, lost in the moment, and I was ready to rock…and then it hit me. I was a piece of shit for doing this to her. I had lied to her and she was saving her virginity for marriage, and she was determined to seal that particular deal with me, and it wasn’t going to happen. So I backed off, stalling for time.
Finally, we wound up in my bed. I could tell that my buddy was still awake, despite the fact that he was laying on his side, facing the other way while pretending to be asleep. This made the whole situation even more bizarre, as you can imagine.
After ultimately deciding to just stop thinking and take her the fuck down, I got between her legs, hard as a post, pressed tight against her opening…and…and…I stopped. I told her I didn’t feel right taking her virginity. If it was going to happen, it had to be because we were actually going to get married. Doing it like this was wrong. So I got up, put on my pants, kissed her goodbye, and ushered her out the door…
Years later, I wondered what had ultimately happened to her. I found her profile on Facebook. As coincidence would have it, she lived only 20 miles from me. After graduating from college in Canada, she moved to the U.S. and she was literally living only a hop, skip and a jump away.
I did more online research on her, and found out that she was married. But I was suddenly intrigued and wanted to see what would happen if I reached out to her; so I sent her an invitation to connect on LinkedIn. Despite having only three or four connections, she immediately accepted my invitation within about two minutes. And then I discovered the kicker while digging deeper for information on the Internet – she was married to a freaking billionaire…this sweet, special snowflake, with the perfect family, and the perfect upbringing, who told me she was only in it for a long-term relationship based on love, was married to a mega-rich dude.
Naturally, over the years, I had thought off and on about exactly why she had jumped on me so urgently upon our first meeting so many years earlier. Would she have had the same enthusiasm for me, had I told her that I was merely attending classes in Florida, to become a recording engineer, instead of pretending to actually be in the business while working with big-name acts?
And immediately, after I found out she was married to a billionaire, I realized the answer was a resounding, “No.”
So I fucked up. And I can’t get it back.
I should have banged the fuck out of her, like a drum, when I had the chance…
I never pretended I was somebody else after that. And I always banged any hot chick who wanted it from me, from that point on (but only if I believed she wasn’t married).
So yes…fake it till you make it. Do what you have to do to get what you want. It’s a war. And you either win it or lose it…but if you don’t take the spoils when they’re right there in front of you, you’ll regret the hell out of it later.
Reminds me of the maxim, “Men regret the poon untapped, women regret the cocks unwrapped”
I love that one. Thanks for sharing.
Is that `tissue test` unmistakable? There’s a vcard claimant who didn’t pass it, with obvious tissue presence at least
I’m no gyno but I thought she was fresh…maybe not. She might have had a couple of Irish wolfhounds who banged her night and day, come to think of it.
Great story, I still think you did the right thing, and the world is a better place for it, seriously. Her lack of moral fortitude does not subtract from the nobility of your action.
However rare, there are still truly good girls out there with purely romantic ideals of building a great family and raising children with the man they love, although granted these girls are almost always not raised in a feminist society.
I’d like to think they exist. I’m not sure about that one, but anything is possible…
I’ve seen it, and my kids will live it, my girls will make it
That also goes to show you how men are still with honor, dignity and respect; virtues most westernize sluts are totally foreign of. Good on Bob
Holy shit…
GREAT story.
Thanks. Experience is the best teacher…
This will no doubt be a great lesson to many in many ways.
I did something much more dumb than that, I worked in tourism when I was young, teenager, and I was always around girls who were bombshells in their 20ties and very confident but I was still a virgin.
One evening the sexiest girl of the whole lot asked me to walk her home from the disco bar, being inexperienced I had no clue what she wanted. She was like 27 I was I think 16-17. So I did part of the way but then I told her she could make it the few hundred meters left on her own, I had to go a different path to get to my place. She literally asked me to come and have sex with her because I didn’t understand her innuendos, and I told her I was a virgin and didn’t have any clue what to do so thanks but no. She insisted and told me she had lubes and rubber and she’d be able to teach me. Being a dumbass raised by females I thought I should lose my virginity to someone whom I loved, not only lusted for, and turned her down.
That was my wake up call, I can’t still to this day believe how stupid I was. She was a dead on 10. Platinum blonde, a body that made playboy models look average, noble Nordic features, ice blue eyes, D cup… You get the idea, she was in men’s magazines later but not before AFAIK.
I feel your pain, bro. But I also think that sometimes our higher selves (for lack of a better phrase) look out for us. Who knows, maybe you would have banged her and her husband would have walked in and shot you. But I definitely know how tough it is to look back and think, “What if…”
In my case the chick was married.
Also half agree with the idea that our higher selves are looking out for us in these cases, but then also, my “higher self” is probably too cautious..
True. Which reminds me of a joke – did you hear about Santa’s promiscuous helper who was kicked off the sled team? He had no elf-control…
Why does Santa have such a big sack? He only comes once a year..
Took balls to tell that one…
Wow she was a nutter though. What mature woman wants to fuck a child?
Lucky escape in my view.
I had a similar situation. Same ages. But when the woman asked me to share a taxi I didn’t understand what she was really asking. I just said “nah I got my bicycle…”
Great story. I’ve had numerous women I could’ve destroyed but I was too much of a bitch at the time.
We need these experiences to open our eyes to reality and we need to face it head on.
One thing I’ve learned and it has always rung true.
Fortune favors the bold.
Truer words were never spoken…
Indeed. I guess sometimes I do feel bad about plugging a chick with a low notch count but I do it anyway. I find I feel much better afterwards.
Thanks for sharing, man.
Any trophy chick that “falls in love” (personally I do not believe young hot women are capable of love) so quick with a man is cause for concern.
And east european women are known to put on this act early on when they meet a dude who they are looking to make their target. This has happened to me personally, and I was always suspicious.
EE women are manipulative to the point of being psychotic.
Yup. My experiences are congruent with your assertion.
That was my first go-round with an Eastern European chick, so I was clueless. If it happened now, I’d bang her without hesitation, and then go after all her friends…and her friends’ friends (if they were hot). Lesson learned. And I agree with you, I don’t think hot young women are capable of love either; they are more like sociopaths, in that they can only feel things like anger, hate, desire and envy.
You’re a good man.
For my part I would have fucked her. Obviously her story about “saving herself for marriage” was bullshit to hold you off, especially since she forgot all about it later.
But never mind, they’ll be others.
Yep. Doing the right thing when it comes to women is wrong. No two ways about it. Bang ’em.
Took an 18 year olds v-card recently. I’m 33. Bloody times. No regrets.
Totally a soldier should never hestitate to load his rifle, switch of the safety and fire no matter in battle!
You work in the box or out? I don’t mean pussy either
These days, out…back then, my brain was definitely in a box (the name on the box was blue pill).
In my opinion, if she fell in love with you because of your supposed image and not your values, she deserved to get anything good or bad after that. When a woman says she loves a man, she means she’s just looking for how to exploit him. I bet if you told her you were an unemployed nobody she wouldn’t be falling in love with you.
That’s what I came to realize as well.
For some reason you pissed the hell out of me, she was opening her legs for you to get fucked & you reject her like that? That’s crazy since I would have fucked the shit out of her… Virgin or not!
Yep, I could sucker-punch myself for that -never again.
Well you could always hook up with her now, married or not. Just tell her another lie about have a music business or maybe invent another believable lie so that she’ll believe it & open her legs haha
Good idea man – I’m gonna work up a really good story for her this time…
Tell her you regret letting her go (wich is obviously true) and that you have been working hard in order to secure a girl as “amazing and pure” as her, then tell her you want to know her this time for real to know what a high uality woman like her wants and needs, then let her talk about all the things her husband fails to give and… i think you get the idea
I’m getting interested in actually doing this. Of course, after I bang her, I’ll drop her cold…appreciate the inspiration. I’ll keep you posted.
During my brief foray in Amway, the “fake it till you make it” mantra was a HUGE driving force. People were encouraged to live the “diamond lifestyle”.. wear designer clothes, drive a luxury car, go on expensive holidays, men wearing jewelry, etc. The idea was basically that “success begets success”.. if you have the trappings of a rich successful businessman, you will attract people to you (vital in any network marketing scheme), as well as bolstering your own confidence.
Unfortunately, as the author points out, most people did the “faking” but not the “making”. The result was a lot of broke-ass Amway pawns with big credit card debts and aging Mercs.
I particularly like the affirmation approach to fake it while you make it. Going over the affirmations daily keeps it right in your face what you need to be working on to make it.
Troy Francis article? What year is this?
Always with the fresh stuff Troy, keep it up.
Do you have a website or blog?
No, it doesn’t work that way. Sexual experience is its own training, and nothing else is training for it.
If a socially impaired guy crosses the threshold to sexual experience with a first girlfriend, meaning that he makes at least this one girl wet, his inadequacies will either start to get better on their own, or else they won’t matter as much.
But it doesn’t work in reverse. If women don’t find you at least minimally attractive in the first place, all of the self-improvement bullshit, game, dating coaching, psychotherapy and sex therapy won’t help you get to sexual experience, no matter how “confident” you think you’ve become.
Even escorts won’t help, not really. If you’ve wound up consistently rejected by women, why would you have a better experience with an escort? Do you think they come from an alternate reality where the women operate according to rules different from the ones for all the women who rejected you?
And even if you have a passable sexual experience with an escort, then what? That won’t increase your sexual market one bit.
You’re mostly correct. However, hiring a prostitute can give a male a tremendous confidence boost if he’s never before had sex. It’s recommendable.
Fully agree!
“Even escorts won’t help, not really. If you’ve wound up consistently rejected by women, why would you have a better experience with an escort? Do you think they come from an alternate reality where the women operate according to rules different from the ones for all the women who rejected you?”
Well actually, they do come from a different reality. That’s kind of their appeal.
This just in…NBA commissioner Adam Silver shifts the NBA All-Star game away from Charlotte, NC, due to that city’s lawmakers having the good sense to not allow mentally ill men to urinate and defecate in the same bathroom as underage girls –
http://www.foxsports.com/nba/story/report-nba-on-verge-of-pulling-2017-all-star-game-from-charlotte-072116
I’ll bet all those NBA players put him up to it. You know, LeSean, LeBron, LeTwaun, et al – they have a lot of empathy for LGBT’s in general (cough, cough). Hood rats are all about Gay Lives Matter. What a grandstanding crock of SJW shit…
Make it while others fake it.
And, you’ll stand head and shoulders above men.
Accomplish stupid cray, dare I say seemingly impossible things when you”re young. It will set your compass to true North, which is success. Even if you fail spectacularly — I had some doosies — you’ll develop the muscles of success that will put you in a position to conquer the world around you like a modern-day Ginghas Khan.
Make it, at least before other men, as there is no shame in earnest effort that results in failure. We real men with real accomplishments will respect the investment of effort and time it takes to be successful despite the failures we all encounter.
Women on the other hand — they don’t know or respect honest effort and accomplishments, having nothing outstanding of their own. Fake it for them if you desire. They’re generally too stupid to know real from fake, quality from crap, science from statistics, and love from lust. The last one is where game is the one area where men fake it it until they make it, i.e. get laid.
Let the fakers catch up to ya’ while you rest on your laurels. Yes, it’s okay to do that from time to time.
Authentic confidence comes only from competence. Anything else is just acting. And though Maverick was a great pilot, Tom Cruise is no closer to flying F-14’s than he was before Top Gun.
Literally paused Top Gun while wife went to take out contacts, opened this article, and read your comment just now. HA
Take her to bed, Sarge, or lose her forever. 😜
“He felt less a need for external validation from girls”
God, men don’t really look for validation from women, do they?
God: “Not the ones I made.”
Points for Vader!
Just making them cum is all I need
Double points to Sgt.
He means that Betas – losers – seek validation.
Yet it sounds silly, it’s actually a trick of the mind. A man who doesn’t receive any appreciation from women is ultimately, invariably the biggest loser of them all…
In this sense, validation is required in the form of appreciation/submission to liberate himself from loserdom.
I tend to think that validation and appreciation are two very different things, that should remain separate. Validation, in any form from women, should never be “required” for a man to be/feel validated.
Woman does not validate man. Man validates himself.
That’s the mental trick I spoke of.
A man is nothing without a woman. This is an evolved, scientific reality.
A man who does not reproduce isn’t recognised by his own genetics. He’s an invalid. Nothing.
A man can only reproduce with a woman, and men are evolved to recognise this reality unconsciously.
This is what causes the requirement for validation – a man without a willing or submitted woman is incapable of seeing value in his own existence, because as far as evolution is concerned he doesn’t exist.
My life is self validating by my own way of viewing what I’ve done and achieved over the years. Can’t imagine craving the approval of some chick every time I refrained from farting in polite company. Unfortunately, many “men” live and die by a woman’s validation. I call them “weak”.
Exactly Sir!
You shouldn’t keep the evil bottled up inside, it’s not healthy.
Just let that mofo free man!
Me and my wife once farted at the same time. It was in a restaurant luckily. I conveniently cleared my throat. She thought it was her’s echoing. I thought it was mine. I tried again for the #2 to be sure. I looked straight at her and raised my eyebrow as it ripped. It echoed again so I looked to the left at the hot waitress’s ass and nodded at my wife to look at that sweet ass too but I couldn’t muster up #3 until the waitress walked away.
Yup. that’s why you see so many “men” desperately white knight a girl. Especially the ones that have daughters. They can sometimes be the worst.
Act as if.
How about “Make it while you fake it”?
One way to fake it is to dress like you’ve already made it, act like you’ve already made it and embellish your accomplishments. You don’t really have to lie, the female will add in the details in her own mind if she likes you enough.
And of course in the meantime you are working towards being that high-flying exec….
Think Don Draper but without all of the personal issues…. Although he was a definite faker who made it.
Well said. Thing is when you dress well and act maturely it aids you in reaching your goals faster and with less friction and work.
“Never be afraid of hard work”
Valuable advice I received long ago and still repeat to myself and my kids.
How about just don’t fake it at all? Just make it!
Because there’s a transition period.
I’m about done with the “like a boss” expression – too many of my bosses were idiots.
TRUTH! Eventually, you need to produce the steak to go with all that sizzle. ‘Nuff said.
Amy Cuddy stated “Fake it until you become it”. Same thing in essence, different mental model.
“His venture is shaping up to be a success and he no longer has to pretend. Tellingly, he has also stopped trying to impress girls and has been single for a long time.”
I don’t know about you guys, but I find I get into my biggest pussy-hound phases when I have nothing really going on in my life. Over the winter I fell into a rut of complacency with work, so I had a lot of free time and just decided to try and fuck anything that moved. Now I’m self-employed with a new job and making better money and getting really motivated about it, and the last thing on my mind is going out and finding girls. Even if I’m out with friends on the weekend I’m thinking more about my work and how to improve at what I’m doing than talking to the hot chick next to me.
I suppose this is because women tend to be roadblocks to success if you have the drive and motivation to succeed. I only saw my last girlfriend once or twice a week at most, but a lot of the time I thought I could be spending my time better – Sitting around watching Netflix and eating take-out isn’t exactly the most constructive use of my time (Meanwhile, this is everyday life for most girls who doesn’t understand the motivated male who actually has to work for things).