So, you want to learn martial arts: nice choice! It’s a great pastime, not only because it gives you the ability to fight, but also for reasons of fitness, confidence, and mental/spiritual discipline.
With that being said, let’s point out that many—not all, but many—martial arts schools are absolute shit. How do you tell if the school you’ve been prospecting is that eternal subject of mockery amongst MA practitioners, the dreaded “McDojo?”
As luck would have it, there are many easily noticeable signs of the McDojo, and this article will list a few of the most egregious ones.
1. Fatbody Masters And Students
This is probably the biggest one (pun not intended). If the master is a fatty, the school is most likely a crappy one. Just to clarify, I’m not talking about an older master who has gone to seed via the ravages of time, but is still as capable of doing the techniques as he was when he was in his fighting prime. No, I mean a lardo that can’t even do ten regular push-ups, lift his leg above his waist, or hold the horse stance for more than 20 seconds.
This criticism of people who are objectively not in shape goes for the pupils as well. I can tolerate a white belt or the equivalent rank being fat if they’re clearly making an effort to slim down. But if multiple students are fat—and high-level belts in particular are fat—you can clearly see that something is wrong. Just look at the featured image for proof of that.
2. Wildly Impractical Techniques
If fatness is the number one sign of a bad martial arts school, this is undoubtedly the second biggest. Despite what a julienne of hack “masters” will tell you, the martial arts are, in fact, predominantly about kicking another person’s ass. That’s not the only thing they’re good for, of course, but the root word of “martial” is “Mars” for a reason.
The phrase “wildly impractical technique” encompasses a wide spectrum of failure. They range from schools that don’t do any sparring and instead focus entirely on forms, board breaking, and human pyramids—and no, I’m not joking about that last one—to ones that claim to teach their students how to shoot psychic blasts, levitate, or any other sort of magical power that still manages to fool a depressing number of people out there in the world.
Simply ask yourself, “Would these techniques work on a trained fighter?” Or hell, ask yourself, “Would these techniques work on a 15 year old girl that was actively resisting assault?” If not, look elsewhere for training.
Infamous fraud George Dillman actually teaching a child how to form chi balls.
3. Hokey, Overly-Exotic “Asianness”
This one is a little bit more difficult to determine at a glance, but once you notice it, you can’t unsee it. Essentially, this is where a phony school will over-emphasize it’s faux-Oriental bona fides in a vain attempt to give themselves legitimacy. If you see the master walking about in his gi/tangzhuang/whatever in his day-to-day life, or if you notice that he talks in pithy aphorisms that sound like they came off a fortune cookie rather than any actual Eastern philosopher, be wary.
Another sign to watch out for is careless mixing and matching of Asian cultures. This can be as egregious as a “kung fu” school having its students wear karate gis and referring to itself as a dojo, or something subtle like a “Shaolin Kung Fu” school having Taoist tchotchkes on the wall (the Shaolin monastery, being Buddhist, would never do such a thing).
Similarly, beware any overly grandiose claims about the lineage of the school. If the master claims that he or a previous master of the school honed their skills fighting jiangshis in the bamboo forests of Hunan, killing the hopping devils with their dim mak powers, you can rest assured that they’re pulling that nonsense out of their asses. I love kung fu flicks and schlocky video games as much as the next guy—if not a little bit more—but I’m also an adult man and I can separate fantasy from reality.
Seems legit.
4. General Unprofessionalism
This phrase incorporates a wide variety of bad behaviors, most of which should be familiar to anybody who works a 9-to-5 job dealing with dysfunctional people. For example, if the master is having sexual intercourse with one of his female students—especially if said student is underage—that’s clearly something you ought to watch out for.
A form of unprofessionalism that I’ve noticed is specific to bad martial arts schools are occasions where the master will deliberately inculcate a sort of cult-like atmosphere, engendering slavish devotion amongst his students and in some cases even trying to separate them from their families, largely for the purposes of either bilking money from them or sexually exploiting them.
While I have said that many martial arts schools are crap, there are many good ones that will teach you real, practical techniques out there. If you want to determine whether your prospective school is bad, I find that the best way to do so is to simply ask to observe a class or two. All schools worth a damn—and even many that aren’t—will allow outsiders to see the proceedings, and in some hilarious cases even allow you to attack the fake “master.”
And if they refuse to allow it, that’s probably the best sign that the school isn’t worth your time.
So Number 4 is basically Cobra Kai
5. Emphasis on belt based progression system
As a great man once said, and great Tae-Kwon-do teachers after him repeated; “A belt’s only good for holding your trousers up!”
It is a shame for many students the journey to the black belt is the goal, and not the black belt and beyond. Embarassed more than one higher belt who didn’t take his training seriously on sparring days as a kid.
Ha, Fighting Jiangshi in bamboo forest of Hunan gave me a laugh… Maybe in Zhangjiajie.
Do you get to Hunan much, Larsen?
Never been, actually.
This. Frequent “testing” (where no one ever fails) is a sure red flag. It’s nothing more than a cash generating scheme.
Ironically, an ITF club that I joined for a year or so was the worst club I ever knew for belt grading tests/fees.
I don’t know if it’s true or not, but I was told once that before it was widely introduced to North America, TKD didn’t have a belt system, or a very minimal one.
Once the official organizations expanded into North America, it was a conscious business decision to add a shitload more colours and half-colours to the grading system strictly to generate revenue
I’m not a very seasoned martial artist (did a bit of boxing and muay thai and tried my hand in aikido and judo) but I’ve been reading about them my entire adult life.
One thing I notice that’s different from most sports or related physical arts is you have people categorize themselves into multiple groups like MMA, traditional arts, self-defense arts and what not, which allows more than one guy to claim the ultimate expert status simultaneously. This is not comparable to boxing with its multiple championship belts in different leagues because we can still tell which tournament or league is the most competitive and all fighters fight the same rules.
Therefore we still have people in 2018 debating whether Bruce Lee was the greatest or whether Steven Seagal is for real. In the inner circles of judo, (kick)boxing, BJJ and what not these are probably not commonly occurring discussions (they have their own small circle champions nobody else knows about), but big names in MMA routinely partake in them, which I think is bad, because it lends legitimacy to men who have provided zero evidence of being able to take out a guy their own size (much less someone bigger and younger) outside of movie fantasy.
Because there’s so many different definitions of expertise and ‘toughness’ (that’s very important), martial arts will continue to be a haven for broscience, delusional nerds and narcissists in a way that track and field or powerlifting is not; in those sports you have to put up or shut up. If you think you can run faster than Usain Bolt, just do it.
I find it harder to have sympathy for middle-aged guys who were conned at an early age into taking a martial art that does not live up to the hype; by the time they have done it for ages, their egos and identities are so tangled around that activity that they just cannot let go and own up to facts without their world crashing apart so they continue to mislead kids into going down the same BS path. Psychologically it’s nothing but understandable but it’s also unfortunate.
But I find it sad that 15 year old kids with undeveloped critical thinking skills can be lulled into taking some “too deadly for the ring” art where the instructor has weaved a bunch of excuses and tales to keep the naive students isolated from live sparring and interclub training.
When I was 15 myself, there was much less internet content floating about and it was still somewhat easier to fall into that line of thinking. Even though those not invested in any foregone conclusion or belief can now more easily be swayed by the good information available, the psychological need to belong and to be the king of the hill in some (in)formal manner is still there and thus the cycle will presumably continue.
It’s similar to people getting degrees froms shifty diploma mills; they want the respect, but they don’t want to or cannot put in the work.
The martial arts I took proved useless against a kid I went up against in school.
Then I forgot about the “pure” style and sort of combined it with regular street fighting, and then it was worth something. Loading up on hate against him helped immeasurably; people do not like fighting apparently insane people.
“so, my nine year old with a black belt can’t actually kill anyone?”
can he shoot a 12 gauge?
if not, then no..
A 9 year old can operate an AR15 with a little practice.
Good article and good points. Jives with my own martial arts experience.
Im sure this doesn’t bear mentioning but I will anyway: dojos offering automatic belt progression (“get your green belt after 6 weeks!”) should be avoided.
I will give those kind of schools one sort of benefit, particularly considering my younger brother. One example is for his belt promotion is a 60/40% of actual behavior/martial arts knowledge. Parents and teachers at one point are given a checklist of good behaviors, and as long as these behaviors are exhibited and demonstrated satisfactorily, a kid can test. Granted it leaves a lot of room for blue pill conditioning, but that’s what we’re here for right?
Jim Carey covered most of these points lol
“5A”: A bunch of trophies, usually displayed in the front window. This means they are merely learning to win “karate kid” type tournaments, not learn real urban skills. I studied Liu Seong for awhile. The story there was that some of those guys would go to those tournaments and make bets among themselves who would foul out first, time measured in seconds. That was entertainment for them.
A great #5 is what I’ve experienced:
Instructors that have never been in a street fight, or otherwise un regulated confrontation. If you have never been in true danger and have proven you can defend yourself, you are not qualified to train. Boxers and muy Thai fighters do this regularly.
Boxers consider themselves for real only after having their nose broken in. If you can’t withstand the pain of a facial fracture, in a fight, you’re not worth anything in the ring.
I wouldn’t be all that worried about it.
Most people stay in martial arts for social reasons and wish fulfillment fantasy than anything else.
The author confuses being a chunker with being out of shape. Some people are just naturally big but could run miles around many skinny little shits.
I believe I mentioned that it’s acceptable if the master looks like they’ve gone to seed but can still perform. I suppose that could apply to students as well.
Chi balls are for real. Chi is for real.
True, I wondered why the author discarded this as BS. It is absolutely possible. But yes, you have to experience certain things for yourself before your rational brain can accept it.
Sure, it doesn’t work and look like they show you in popular cartoons but yes, Chi is real and it is a form of life energy.
I think the trouble with accepting Chi as real lies within the fact that your understanding about life and the spiritual is fundamentally twisted to the point that it just seems abstract that something untangible like Chi could ever exist. But yes it does and it is our understanding of the world around us that is wrong.
I can just say that it was worth every minute researching and exercising !
Yeah, some people have the concept that I don’t understand how that could possibly work, therefore it is impossible. Make that most people. Fuck ’em.
Hehe, and I get downvoted for speaking out the truth … Now the programming must be really deep doesn’t it ?
Number 6 should be: Any art that teaches you to spend ten minutes lying on the ground working an arm bar while your enemies friends kick you in the head…. “But it works in MMA”.
No martial art can help you RELIABLY deal with multiple opponents. Sure, some are better than others at doing that, but it’s a losing proposition and you can only hope to win, let alone leave unscathed.
You’re playing a silly feminime game where you’re only willing to use logic as far as it suits you. “while his friend kicks your head in” okay, and what good will your striking art do “while his friend takes you down” ??? Or at the very least is clinching with you?
Grappling has been taught to Spartans, Knights, Samurai, Chinese Soldiers, Mongol Warriors…
I sure as hell trust their knowledge on hand to hand combat infinitely more than I trust yours. Grappling is a necessity of combat. Anywhere from restraining an idiot without harming him, to a life and death struggle for control of a weapon.
You just constructed a straw man argument and then said I was playing a feminine game. Re-read what I said. Where did I say anything about a striking based art being superior? Your emotional response was very feminine.
However, to answer your argument, I’ll take my military training over your shaky historical knowledge. Martial Art means an art for war, it isn’t limited to striking or grappling (an artificial modern distinction).
Plenty of Martial Arts teach you to deal with multiple enemies. My long arm is capable of handling a lot of bad guys. Should that fail me, my sidearm becomes a good friend. Then my knife. If I have failed myself by not having these handy then I will fall back to my CQ training.
Samurai did not learn to work an arm bar until their sporting opponent taps out. The traditional Martial Art of Ju Jitsu that Samurai practiced was designed to allow a Samurai who had lost his sword to survive long enough to draw his back up weapon and kill his enemy. This, of course was grappling based because striking a guy in armour is stupid. The sport version of Ju Jitsu and then Judo came later when Samurai stopped being warriors and became sportsmen.
Any way you cut it, lying on the ground for five, ten, 30 minutes is a stupid tactic which only works in sports. Any other view is an emotional feminine response.
The Marvel Comics Master of Kung Fu Series was actually a great read.. I still have all mine! Most importantly. the “hokey” pageantry and style is the only thing that separates KF from street brawling.
People forget though that Martial Arts “schools” are licensed by the state and city.
If actual skills were taught in such places they would be IMMEDIATELY shut down.
Let me get this straight: the slave governments under the Khazarian Mafia’s thumb are under orders not to help anyone become genuine crime fighters?
Nothing against comics, I’m a fan of Shang Chi and Iron Fist myself (the comics to be specific, I didn’t care for the show). I was just pointing out that a lot of schools will create these fake mythologies around themselves.
As per the vid that another commenter posted above: Avoid dojos that offer self-defense classes for women only. Although they get partial credit for not being afraid of the “victim blamer” label from radfems, offering something for women only in an area where men suffer a lot more (i.e. victims of violence & assault) demonstrates they’re more interested in: (a)Virtue signalling, and (b)Signing up a lot of female students. Either way, they won’t give a crap about you or any of their male students.
The people at the top of that Karate “Pyramid” look nervous and rigid. Why does my phone not have spellcheck for ‘Taekwondo’? Failure: Android.
There are more than a few kickboxing and MMA schools out there, in which the coaches’/students’ bragging skills are far superior to their actual fighting proficiency.
Anyone with a blue belt in BJJ and 1 year of kickboxing can fake mastery and open an academy.
MMA schools are also potential McDojos.
I got expelled from 4 different schools of 4 different full-contact martial arts, because I didn’t respect the hierarchy.
Martial arts are intangible cultural treasures. Every time I come across fake martial artists, I expose them. Culture must be preserved and defended. Part-time martial artists/businessmen deserved to be put back in their place.
#6 they don’t train with or against cutting weapons or even sticks, not to mention firearms
Do you think you will get robbed by some poor fag who will use his bare hands against you? Do you!?
The problem with this is more psychological than anything else.. you may be a black belt for over 20 years but if you have no experience against knives etc. the moment somebody pulls one on you you’ll gonna have shit in your pants.
OTHMAR
When somebody is mad enough to actually break into your house this means that you will probably end up killing or crippling the perp to keep him down or shooting him.
Secondly, most brawls involve a stranger more or less who either is a crazed thug or a drug addict or both and wants money for drugs or is high on drugs.
TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE is apt at demonstrating that in rural areas real genuine insanity can actually break out in raw rural places where the police are going to take 50 minutes to get to the scene.
Finally, most real street fighters don’t care about their own life anyhow. They have been in jail before, will be in jail again.
OTHMAR
ROBBERY
White trash and sometimes blacks will try to strong-arm rob you if they are adequately big enough. It is usually aggressive panhandling that goes bad and it happens if you yourself have no money and ride the bus. Also if you are white trash with meth head tweaker relatives.
Drug addicts will also try to use bats. They don’t often have money for guns.
Organized armed robbery won’t be street shit. It will be against a business, an expensive house, liquor store. Rarely if you are dressed in street clothes will you be robbed for what is in your pocket in daylight. If you walk around at night than maybe, but that makes you stupid.
Truthfully, most street fights actually occur in bars or just outside of them.
OTHMAR
More specifically, you have to be very skilled if you are attacked by someone who is trying to kill you in a blind rage.
OTHMAR
I was walking home past a “tweaker” once to my gated community (There were loads of poor Filipinos and Mexicans living in rundown projects right outside my gated community and this one beaner said “fuck you” to me for no reason and I said “you’d like that, wouldn’t you” and the guy chased me to the gate.
I got in and locked it and he pushed his hand through the gate until it was bloody and the security guard and two others pulled him off.
Another time, I was making a phone call in Canada in a hotel with a bar and a drunk Native (6’3 maybe) walked up and told me to give me his money and I walked past him with a disgusted look like he was total primitive shit and without a word and he leaped into his old vehicle and drove into onto my yard and got out and tried to break the door down.
My point is that in street situations with strangers most of the time a) they are hopped up plus psychotic b) they really have nothing to live for and do not care if they die or go to prison c) they are trying to kill you most of the time.
I’ll lay on some more features of assailants 90% of the time-
…Street attackers are usually low-class males but sometimes female from whatever minority is underprivileged (Natives in Canada, various minorities in the US, white trash the rest of the time)
…They will usually attack on familiar ground and in their “element” often in numbers. Hoodrats are the exception and would do an assault anywhere which is why the US military is rife with such examples; Mestizos from anywhere will behave the same way more or less. But most of the time attacks are at night, on the street, in their element.
…Usually, they are not known to you because you would not associate with street shit dirt-poor trash like them…they know this too. So most conflicts are ON PUBLIC PROPERTY or maybe when you go in the wrong bar.
…”Walking away” is not actually the solution. You have to RUN. They will follow you. This is LESS RARE in daytime but at night it is common.
…In Socialist countries these street thugs will actually break down your door to kill because gun laws are different and property is not as sacred as in the US with its capitalist ethos. In Canada somebody jumped through a back door to try and beat up my landlord.
STREET FIGHTERS & THUGS
1. They usually lurk in lower-class areas or bars because they never have any fucking money.
2. Chances are they belong to the local minority underclass whether it is Italian-Americans in New Jersey, Natives in Canada, white trash, Mexicans in the Southwest, Hoodrats.
3. Usually they do not give a shit about jail and will fight with intent of killing you.
4. They are losers who seek dominance in the most base way because they are essentially on their knees in society-they have no money, their clothes are hand me downs, they have no education, their kids are poor, their parents are poor, they have no influence (Unless illegal), they have nothing to live for, their car is shitty if they even own one, they are often seeking drugs.
5. There is no way to guarantee avoiding them entirely but if you stay out of seedy bars it helps. We all know about streets at night. However, I have been followed by Hoodrats in broad daylight screaming at me onto buses with loads of other people surrounding me.
6. Generally, though not always, they are low to moderate IQ.
KARATE KID Lessons (Most Gen Y don’t remember the 84 version but there are some oldster like me on this site, I was born in 1974)
Lesson 1
The pussy ain’t worth it. In the sequel, Ali left Daniel and all of the shit he went through with Cobra Kai gang to get some pussy was not worth it. She left him 6 months later for a college football player and why wouldn’t she; he was clearly still going to be hanging with alcoholic maintenance men after she and Johnny went off to careers and high school became a memory.
Young men don’t fight over pussy. Every woman has an anus, vagina and a mouth. Go to Amsterdam and get blowjobs. Screw in the Philippines. Trust me, love is an illusion to reproduce the human race.
LESSON 2
Most thugs only operate in their environment.
Johnny would have been a wonder bread faggot ass WASP in Daniel’s Jersey hood. Thugs are mostly only bold in their particular zip code or region. Know when you are out of your element and don’t swagger like Daniel did. Move on if the lay of the land is hostile.
NB Daniel at one point says to his mother “can we just go home?” as he is not enjoying the West Coast. If he had been 2 years older and 18 he probably WOULD have simply gone home. No more ass beatings.
LESSON 3
Stand still, mouth shut. Daniel actually provokes half the situations. He sprays Johnny with water on Halloween. He throws down a minion and hits him in the face. He taunts the group when they get beaten to shit by Miyagi. He should have simply slunk away.
LESSON 4
Drugs and alcohol. Johnny and his friend are drunk the first time they beat up Daniel and stoned the second time when Daniel ruins their stash and this leads to him nearly getting stomped to death. When you are around people who are doing drugs or drinking and you get a bad vibe you should move on.
LESSON 5
Neutrality. “Are you calling my students liars” asks the instructor. “Not calling anyone name” responds Miyagi. Thugs and street fighters use verbal traps to try and vaguely justify their behavior. Don’t respond. Neutrality is a form of offensiveness.
LESSON 6
Involve the police if you are threatened. If Johnny had gone to jail for the Halloween assault for 10 days he would have cried and had his jailhouse food stolen by Crips and come out a broken kid. If a thug FOLLOWS you or tells you “You won’t see me coming” then you go to the cops. Most of the time said thug will have a rap sheet already and be on probation or parole and does not want to go back to jail. He’ll fuck off.
LESSON 7
Most street fights are not a result of Japanese honor and longstanding conflict but quick outburst of random violence on the street. You won’t know the thugs name or who is or what he does. Sometimes long-term smoldering resentment can lead to fights but mostly it is a sudden spur of the moment incident.
LESSON 8
Thugs will rarely fight fair anyhow. Call a thug the next day when he is sober and doing his shit labor job or sitting on his ass in the house his grandparents left his single Mom where he still lives at 25 and invite him to your Dojo. He won’t show up. Thugs operate with surprise sucker punches, in groups etc.
BEING CHASED BY THUGS
Usually a full-scale chase only occurs a) at night or b) in a really shitty urban area.
If you are in the suburbs or in the CBD you probably won’t be chased by a thug if you provoke him.
To be fair, the second word in the phrase ‘martial arts’ is ‘arts’. I started in a traditional Japanese form which featured a lot of kata and an emphasis on traditional form. In real life, it wouldn’t be very practical except maybe against the occasional drunk in a bar, or some kid chest-thumping on the street.
Later I moved on to a straight up CQB style where pretty form was tossed aside for function and combat efficiency.
There is a difference between martial arts and CQB training. MMA is somewhere in the middle, perhaps closer to the CQB end of the spectrum. Your needs/interests will determine which category of club or dojo best meets your needs.
But, yeah, otherwise agree with everything you’ve said here.
MICHAEL
Bar fighters USUALLY fight in their element-their seedy, shitty bar at night. Run and they will not follow you. However, their associates are usually also in the bar.
Street fighters usually operate in more run down areas and against people who are loitering. Also, being the wrong color does not help at all. But Hispanics and Blacks live in areas you would not want to go for any good reason anyhow
The issue of drugs is also present. Being in pain because of a need for another hit of crack or heroin will drive a human being to fight fairly hard and a great many serious attacks are to get money off a person for drugs.
But in general fights erupt with strangers or in bars.
Common sense helps a lot.
People who can already hold their own in a fight are less likely to join such a school than those who can’t- that’s why the latter are there in the first place.
As Jim Rockford once said “The problem with karate is that it makes the ridiculous assumption the other guy is going to fight fair” (maybe not a perfect quote but you get the idea).
Sit in on a session or two and ask “would this work on that guy who beats me up and takes my lunch money?” Kata-style fighting won’t.
If it teaches how to deal with real down-and-dirty fighting, not being above teaching dirty fighting moves as well, and is not concerned about training students to win in competitions, then it is likely a good place to learn something useful. BUT- be aware that by definition you’re going to have to endure some serious punishment along the way. A good test is to ask the instructor, assuming sheer size isn’t a factor in his favor (adult vs. kid), if you can get him in a nasty hold like a headlock or an arm twisted behind the back and see how to break out of it- if he is willing to show you so you can do it and it works, you’re probably going to learn something useful there.
I did Kung-Fu for a while (in Oz FYI), little Chinese/Vietnamese guy called ‘Patrick’ (name suited him in a funny way).
Cost was less than 3 hours pay for a month, you could go up to 3 times a week if you wanted, done in a rented storage unit, everyone welcome, put pro and traditional AF. No belt system- he taught you what he thought you were ready for. Trained everyone hard. Big on form and fitness. We did bare-knuckle push ups on the asphalt (not the smooth kind). Had an guy help out we nicknamed ‘Freight Train’ cos that’s what it felt like when he hit you.
Oh, and we did paintballing once- his school vs his brothers- a man who broke a guys hand at a petrol station cos he pushed him in the shoulder.
That was the most mental day of my life. But fun as watching Kung Fu enthusiasts jumping all over the place shooting at eachother…