As I get older, I’ve become more mindful about how to teach my brothers to grow up as strong men. I have been examining the environment they’re in and trying to find ways to replace negative influences in their lives with positive ones. While I barely see them enough to have a huge influence, the time I have spent with them has given me a basic plan for how to raise my own son in the future. Here are five guidelines I will use:
1. Lead more by example than mandate
A lot of people think that having children is like possessing little slaves that do what you command them at all times, but humans by their nature have a resistance to being controlled and told what to do, especially children. Not only that, but when you force your son to do something he isn’t sure is right, he starts building resentment against you. This resentment, if too high, will result in him becoming a rebellious teenager who goes completely against your wishes.
Instead of commanding your son on what to do, give him an opportunity to copy your behavior. Do you want your son to be athletic? Then be athletic with him. Do you want your son to read more? Then read with him. Do you want your son to study history? Then tell him interesting historical stories that capture his imagination. Monkey see, monkey do, with both negative behaviors and positive ones. Compare that to commanding your son to exercise while you watch TV, or telling him to read while you surf the internet. Why should he do it if dad doesn’t?
Use the fact that children love copying their parents. If little Johnny sees his dad lift weights at home several times a week, it won’t be surprising when he picks up a weight and mimics dad. By simply doing the activities you want your son to do, you may never have to command him to do anything. Be the role model that your son needs instead of a strict schoolmaster who just wants to dictate commands.
2. Instead of forbidding behaviors, create an environment where what is forbidden is not even desired
What are some things that you don’t want your son to become? Fat, homosexual, lazy, or hedonistic. If you want your son to eat well, don’t bring junk food in the house and don’t get lazy—or enable a lazy wife—by taking him to McDonald’s for a “quick” meal. If you don’t want him to be homosexual, have an appreciation for feminine beauty, allow him to see the loving bond you have with your wife, and don’t leave him alone with pedo-loving liberals. If you don’t want him to be a bum, don’t have television and video game systems in the house that enables his worst traits. If you don’t want him to be hedonistic, show him the fruits of your hard work and how little rewards and pleasures in the right doses can lead to satisfaction instead of addiction.
While it’s impossible to prevent your son from making mistakes later in life that hurt him, you can show him how his father was able to achieve a happy and stable life by leading a life of discipline and moderation. If you have vices or addiction problems, there’s no way you can expect your son to abstain from them either. Your son will be a reflection of not just want he hears from you in terms of right and wrong, but what he sees as well, even when you think he’s not looking.
3. Find what he likes doing, and then nurture it
You can’t make a boy practice a hobby or sport that he doesn’t like. If you do, he will resent you and soon come to hate whatever you forced upon him. Instead, expose your boy to a range of masculine activities and find what he insists on doing himself with hardly any encouragement. If your son, on his own time, is learning or practicing outside of the designated time, that means he has found a passion. As long as it’s not doll dress-up, you should encourage it and give him the space and resources to develop it.
My younger brother is in university. I’ve encouraged him to take on weightlifting and he has done it, but he’s reluctant to work out unless I’m on his ass about it or he has someone to work out with. I don’t blame him, because lifting weights is not as fun as playing video games.
My youngest brother is different. Once I taught him how to lift weights, he became addicted to it and worked out on his own, without anyone else’s insistence. For his young age, he’s becoming a monster, one of the strongest boys in his class, and even when he’s sick, he still wants to lift. Would it be smart to push the older brother into a new fitness hobby? Probably not, but my youngest brother would definitely respond to it.
Modern fathers want their sons to only do “useful” activities that could lead to a good corporate job. While that is understandable, it’s the wrong approach. Any passion that your son takes on will teach him the work ethic to apply to just about anything. Making money will be trivial to him after he’s spent his 5,000 hours on a hobby he loves and which he has taken to a high level.
When I was in university making basic web pages for fun, I couldn’t at all predict that that skill would develop into the web empire I have today, but it has and I’m thankful my parents didn’t forbid my hobbies as a “waste of time” when it allowed me to build the business I have now.
4. Don’t try to create a mini-me
While your son may be similar to you, he is not your little clone. Accept that he will be a unique person with different strengths and weaknesses than you instead of forcing him into a box of your choosing. Many fathers have been disappointed in their sons merely because they were not like them, but the fact that he has 50% different genetics than you and raised in a wholly different environment with different experiences suggest that you should be surprised if he is even a quarter the same.
A better method is to find who your son is by observing him in various situation and challenges. Maybe he’s abnormally frightened of insects but doesn’t get scared of heights. Maybe he’s a sore loser in games but can deeply focus on difficult tasks. Maybe his general athleticism is weak but he has powerful strength.
Parenthood is less about shaping a mound of clay than identifying a person who already exists and who needs to find himself, his nature, and his place in the world. The answer may disappoint you, especially since not every man born will accomplish great things, but whatever his nature is, it’s the father’s responsibility to find it while blocking damaging influences that want to hurt him.
To understand your son means you already understand yourself. If you don’t know who you are, and live life as a confused, conflicted man, chances are your son will be that way as well, and mentally suffer as an adult.
5. Spend face time with him
I’m seeing a growing trend of parents neglecting their children by giving them electronic devices to play with. Even worse is that I’m regularly seeing parents glued to their iPhone when a child was tugging at them for attention. I completely understand that children require huge amounts of time that gets tiring, but leaving your children to be raised by games, pedo Hollywood, and Gaysame Street means you’re essentially outsourcing your parental duties and letting outside influences install beliefs into your child that will turn him into a degenerate faggot socialist who suffers from clinically low testosterone.
By default, your son will love you and his mother more than anything else in the world. You won’t be able to tell when he throws a tantrum, but there is no one else he rather be with. So be with him. Include him in your daily chores. Tell him how your day went and ask him the same. Let him share his silly stories without your interrupting or breaking eye contact. Show him how important he is and that he has a father in life not just in name only.
Don’t confuse my advice here with indulging all of your son’s whims and sacrificing your own well-being to be some sort of clown to keep him constantly entertained. Instead, just be there for him when he wants to spend time with you and don’t let him feel that he has to compete with your smartphone, because you will be hurt when he grows up and decides that he doesn’t have the time or attention to give you. The type of man your son becomes will depend on the influences he’s exposed to when he’s growing up; you might as well be the biggest one.
Conclusion
I share this advice as a man who doesn’t have children, but one who has thought about it deeply. I’ve examined the parental strategy of my own father along with my attempts to positively shape the lives of my brothers. What you see above is the strategy I will use if I have a son tomorrow. While I’m sure there are flaws in what I’ve shared, along with any other parental method, it’s one that I confidently feel will allow a son of mine to hit his absolute potential, no mater how different he may be from his dad.
Just don’t ask me quite yet about what I would do if I were to have a daughter.
If you like this article and are concerned about the future of the Western world, check out Roosh’s book Free Speech Isn’t Free. It gives an inside look to how the globalist establishment is attempting to marginalize masculine men with a leftist agenda that promotes censorship, feminism, and sterility. It also shares key knowledge and tools that you can use to defend yourself against social justice attacks. Click here to learn more about the book. Your support will help maintain our operation.
This article was originally published on Roosh V.
Don’t Miss: 5 Things I Learned From Becoming A Father
“You can’t make a boy practice a hobby or sport that he doesn’t like. If you do, he will resent you and soon come to hate whatever you forced upon him.”
That one really hit home for me… my grandparents raised me (as I know I’ve mentioned countless times) and my grand dad was REALLY into sports and coached a local basketball and baseball team.
My mother told me before they even got me back home after we left the hospital, he was looking at my hands and saying “oh wow he’s going to be such a basketball star!” which, isn’t totally out of line as far as things a dad might say… but he took it way too far.
Fast forward to middle and high school, and all my weekends were taken up playing sports. I’d often ask if I could try something else, or why I even had to play… and the response was always “you just have to”. I remember kids on the basketball team talking shit to me because I just hated sports and sucked at them….
It created a lot of resentment for me towards my grandfather, and I ignored a lot of very valuable lessons he was trying to teach me, lessons I am still to this day re-disovering and thinking “wooooooow, he tried to teach me that when I was 12, but I didn’t care, because all I saw was this man that was making do shit I hated”.
The lesson I took from all that, assuming I ever have a son, is to let them become their own man. You can only raise them up to a point… after that, you’re just controlling them… and like Roosh mentioned, control has a way of corroding relationships.
Thank you for sharing your story – very poignant.
Good story. I think a good parent must strike a balance between getting his son out of his comfort zone, and destroying the kid’s ability to choose his own destiny. For example, my parents often forced me to go to Boy Scout campouts, when I would have preferred relaxing at home and watching cartoons instead. But 100% of the time, when I returned from the campout, I thanked them for making me go. The problem would be if I had hated camping, and they continued to force me.
I realized lot of liberal SJWs must have had really failure parents
I see that I was not the only one to have an experience like yours. I had the Caucasian version of the Tiger Mom & Dad: The primary difference being a serious focus on sports as well as music.
On the sports end:
When I was a toddler, I suffered a serious eye injury that left me permanently blind in one eye. This means I have no depth perception which makes following a ball damn difficult. The other issue I had was I was really slow with my physical growth, to the point when I was 15 years old I had the body of a 12 year old.
My parents answer to these issues was to enroll me baseball, wrestling, tennis, and a host of other activities that I completely sucked at. I was signed up under duress (fear of my old man). So I would get shit from my teammates, the coach, and then when I got home, my Dad, because… well.. I sucked at it. It was all year long as I was signed up for summer programs such as tennis and wrestling camp.
There were two sports I signed up voluntarily for: Judo (I saw it as a little kid in a movie and decided I wanted to be able to that) and the swim team. Judo I actually got good at, but my Dad’s “enthusiasm” at me competing degenerated into abuse which destroyed any and all joy out of competing. Plus I wasn’t allowed to Judo alone. I had to do school sports. The swim team was just a compromise to allow me to stop wrestling. We had the worst swim team in public school, so I fit right in. When discussion the past with my Sister, her theory (which I concur with) is that my parents so wanted to have kids they could point to and cheer from the stands. The problem was, we were all mediocre at best.
Anyway, the sports and the years of forced music lessons made childhood nearly joyless and at times, I really hated my Dad. The most frustrating part of it all was I did have real interests and abilities (I have extremely good spacial reasoning and mechanical aptitude), but those were hammered down as inappropriate.
The irony is it is those skills, that I wasn’t able to pursue until my 20s (out of college and out of the house) that got me a 6 figured salary and a pretty good nest egg. I keep thinking back how much farther I would have been along if my Dad signed me up for welding, metal work, wood work, maybe some junior engineering courses, tried to get me an apprenticeship, etc. I wouldn’t not have spent the early part of my adulthood trying to figure out what the hell I actually liked doing.
My own kids will be raised far different than I was.
Wow man, great story.
I hear ya on the martial arts bit…. that was the only activity I got involved in that ever got my grand dad off my back, and that was only because he didn’t know anything about it so he just left me alone.
I hope that despite all that, you and your dad are able to get along.
We get along very well. Our relationship changed for the better when I left home at 19 for school, work, and my own life. None of what my Dad did was done in malice. He was trying to do the right thing. Just what he thought was right, wasn’t. To be fair, he was following the middle class white guy playbook at the time for raising a son.
Both of his sons despite their “failures” as kids turned out really well.
Really thoughtful article! I really like your emphasis on allowing your son to grow into his own man whilst still recognising the huge influence a caring father can have on helping him to develop into the best he can be. It’s a transformative and deeply empowering masculine experience for both of you when done right.
6. Make sure that he learns some kind of skill that can be used in the real world.
Contained in 3. What is ‘useful’ in your eyes doesng matter.
Yes I agree with this.
My parents were pretty liberal with me in the sense that they let me pursue my own interests. I thank them for that and all the support over the years. But I think they could have imparted some more practical skills in me at an early age.
Since boyhood I always had a more academic bent, and luckily my parents bought me my first guitar, computer, and supplies for whatever I showed a real interest in.
They did this part of my upbringing great, but I wish my dad also put a bit more effort into teaching me the skills that got him through life. I have some basic knowledge of construction, mechanics, and carpentry that I picked up second-hand from my dad, but I don’t have the skills or confidence to begin and end a project all on my own. I think this would have rounded out my skillset really well, and would have given me a greater sense of independence earlier in life.
Will say the same. Got to see the benefits of weights, studying classics, and the sciences from a young age. Just those teenage years when parents can sometimes get into a weird area of leaving a teen be, which can be good, but not helping them position themselves to take on the adult world outside of schooling.
My mom got me a fully manual Pentax K-1000 camera…and it forced me to learn how to take good pictures. BEST gift ever…
“…has 50% different genetics than you…”
That is true, but generally paternal DNA is more active, making us more like our fathers than mothers.
I think that came from a time when most women went for a minority of men.
This way the genetical imprint of the man won’t get lost over the generations.
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/03/150302123253.htm
Yet another nail in the coffin of equality.
There is no doubt that the spiritual wisdom we can learn from our brothers and fathers, is of vital importance and represents a significant value in the growth of a man. When there is a healthy relationship that exists involving good brothers and fathers in the picture, then a strong bond can develop and help to instill real masculine virtues within a man. However, despite this, we are now seeing a constant attack on the the relationships that exist between brothers, fathers and sons. The reason behind this is because it does not reflect the best values in regards to the rise of a matriarchal society and does nothing to represent the values of female supremacy. So when this occurs, it leads to the natural disintegration of a healthy society and traditional family environment.
It is a shame that in today’s world young men have grown into complete emasculated henpecked simps as a result of the attention of society focussing only on the needs of women. We no longer have real traditional masculine men who are able to develop a spine and be able to approach the problems of life and resolve them with a constructive manner. These are the lessons which are supposed to be passed down to men by either the father or the elder brothers. But instead, we now have a generation of men who were raised by single mothers and grew up in female oriented environments where masculinity has slowly faded away, resulting in a systematic epidemic of weak and fragile men. We now have a generation of pajama boys and hipsters who clearly cannot identify the traditional gender roles or the power of responsibility that is supposed to stem from men.
This is why we now have men being dependant on women in every way. Today’s man cannot do anything alone and is always requiring the assistance of his girlfriend. Today’s man will only engage in a spiritual fight not against identifying his confusion of what it means to be a man, but rather against traditional men as the typical white knight. It is dire consequence of the result of traditional masculinity being eviscerated from society in contribution by the educational system and family courts. This is unfortunately something that will not reverse overnight and will continue to be ignored by the masses. The high divorce rates in conjunction with men being absent from the family, has shown the detrimental effect it has had on a generation of men.
This is why it is very important to make sure that you as a man, are included in the traditional family. Whether it is raising your son or your younger brother, society will always try to push you away rather allow you to fulfill your traditional role in educating and teaching your family about the world and how to become a better person. Remember, single motherhood is no longer frowned upon but rather, celebrated and indoctrinated into the minds of today’s modern day women as being the new norm. This is why you must always be there for your younger siblings and kids when they will need you the most. Yes, they are not going to be perfect in every way nor will they want to be you in every way. That is only natural and what makes us individuals. Whether it is a father teaching his son his first driving lesson, or an older brother telling his younger sibling on what it takes to stand up for himself, all of these lessons hold monumental value towards the development of growing into a wise man and in itself, will provide you with great and senitmental values throughout your life. By teaching them the basic lessons of humility and self respect, then this in itself can help to contribute towards something positive overall and also, help to make a better place for all us to live in.
[REPOST]
Guys I need some serious advice/help. Sorry in advance English is not my native language. I’m 21 y.o. and “considering myself” a gay person. But, after reading this blog and other manosphere blogs for about 6 months now, truth has hit me. HARD. I’m not the entitled special snowflake that leftist propaganda has made me believe I am. And naturally, I’ve started to question every single belief that I’ve taken for granted until now, including my own “sexual orientation”, which hinders my Journey to become the MAN that God intended me to be.
I remember fancying girls as a young 4-7 y.o boy. But once my father went working in some remote cities. The aunts took the responsibilty of educating me, with all that it ensues : taking up their manners, way of speaking, ideals, playing with girls only… To having solely girl friends through high-school and college.
And today I’ve decided to post on here because I don’t know where to begin nor what to believe. I’m really, really looking forward to hear your opinions and suggestions.
Were you abused as a child? It’s ok not to answer this question, but we’re all grown arse men here and won’t make fun of you.
No not at all, I just can’t get out of this feminine conditioning if you know what I mean. It’s actually frustrating..
I suggest doing more masculine activities and don’t be afraid to do em. One essential part of masculinity is confidence. Apart from that I don’t really know much. I’ll let the ROK squad take over.
I’m afraid of always being seen as the weakling I project myself to be. Another question that is literally tourmenting me is ; Is it too late ?
Hope is the last to die, my friend. New beginning for you. There are people who chaneed their life around in their 40s. Plenty of time for you
I started cutting out the weakness in my life around 35. It’s never too late!
I really hope so!
Project confidence, people will see you as confident. You ate as Aman who you want to be. I agree with the first reply, always be improving oneself
I know very well what you mean. Is your family latin?
I can relate to your story in some ways – i had female cousins and one sister and that is how i grew up. I am currently 31 and only 3 years ago did I begin to see things clearly. Boy, some of my family did a number on me. Sometimes the men are not present enough, not strong enough. Sometimes the women do not mean to do damage. Any child, male or female, needs a mom and a dad.
I have two male cousins that live in my family’s country surrounded by females. The younger one was very confused and thought he was gay for his teenage years. Now he is at least sure that he is not gay. The older one married some kind of feminist special snowflake and she never took his name, they never got married, and now he pays for her and the two daughters to live it up in the downtown apartment while he moves back in with mommy in the wake of the (non)divorce. Wow, typing that out really makes me see how messed up that whole situation is.
Sorry for the rant. I can relate to parts of your story. Keep moving in this direction. It is not too late!
Maybe see a licenced social worker or psychologist that specializes in sex therapy…but make sure they agree with your goal at the outset!
Nope. Try to cultivate masculine habits. Speak confidently, not with a lisp if you can help it. See a speech therapist.
I don’t have any advice regarding this situation, but I respect you for sharing this. This is not the kind of problem that one likes to talk about freely I guess.
Your auntis never had any children or at least girls did they?
I was in the middle of a house full of aunts and their daughters, thus I was given the exact same education.
Ok. My mum’s side iof the family s a female dominated entity. I get what you’re saing.
If you’re not actually a troll and actually seeking advice then keep posting on here and ask questions to find some answers.
Well, I for instance was raped and that created emotions in me that made me fear being gay. It also made me submissive and snxious and in s way ffminine. But be it as it may, I never really wanted to literally fuck a dude while I had intense hots for girls. Thinking about getting fucked was more in a weird pseudo-pleasurable way of retraumatizing myself.
I guess you have to search your feelings to find your own truth. I perdonally dont think being brought up by aunts can create genuine sexual attraction to men. I was brought up by only women, too, by the way.
The big question is: Are you really not gay? Cause maybe reading the nuce material on this site just made you feel ashamed of that. Did you always feel there was something wrong about it?
To know for sure, Id take up meditation. It will get you to understsnd yourself better.
Either way, shame and fear will solve nothing.
I really appreciate you sharing your experience with me. As I said before I remember being attracted to girls once, and you are right cause when I try to “reawaken” that attraction, doubt arises : is it a genuine endeavor or I’m I just ashamed and not able to accept myself as I am.
But through constant prayer and meditation I realize that the answer is the former. I even start to kind of get turned on by women.
Well, man. I’m sure you’ll find your own path. Best wishes to you.
Do you fap regularly?
Albeit abstaining from fapping only increases your testosterone until the 7th day it can be quite the experience for a wimpy man.
Maybe you can take something from that experience. It helped me.
Also generally to stop fapping can change your personality long term.
Lifting, competition (a mans nature and fulfillment thereof is scientifically to win constantly) and sport in general also increases your testosterone.
Additionally I would have a maybe weird mental trick that could help here.
The thing is that you should be trying to combat your feminine behavior and thought at every moment of the day. As such you have to learn to think about your actions and to categorize them.
Here Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde might help.
I want you to categorize every action, thought or sentiment of a thought with the label of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
Dr. Jekyll being the way you want to be (or Mr. Hyde if you prefer) and Mr. Hyde being the opposite.
This forces you to be always conscious and judging of your own behavior which can help build your masculine decision making and change your ways entirely. It also shifts your consciousness away from how people see you and want you to be towards how you see yourself.
Which I can imagine to be an issue for you.
I haven’t heard of this method anywhere btw. I just came up with it like a week ago.
As such I can only say so far that it brings good short term results.
Sounds like terrible mental trick imo. Judging yourself is the best way to undermine your confidence. Femininity is a part of a man’s nature. The only problem is when it takes overhand.
The other day, I asked my wife if I should get in touch with my feminine side……..then I stuck my hand up her shirt.
Nice one.
True story, we had sex not long after.
I just so happen to have been in the same spot as he. Not as extreme, but this workes for me.
That being said you don’t judge yourself you only judge your future behavior.
That’s an obvious difference. You also don’t gain confidence by avoiding judgement.
Only when you face it and measure up to it confidence can be gained.
A man’s nature and true fulfillment due to that nature is found by seeking and realizing masculine virtues and values as much possible.
And vice versa for a woman.
That makes sense when you look at human lives.
Being feminine as a man or masculine as a woman will only make you depressive. Which is easily proven.
As such we should always strive to be more masculine.
Well, you seem to only have been doing for one week, so I would take your own advice with a grain of salt.
Of course it behooves a man to be masculine.
But here is the thing: Do you think a naturally confident masculine man is “thinking” about being masculine? Never!
Of course you want to be more masculine as a man. But your solution approaches it very mechanically in my opinion.
The thing is: If someone is acting too feminine, there is likely some form of core shame in him, which suppresses his masculinity. Childhood wounds. These are the reasons for his behavior, the behavior is just a symptome. Resolve the reasons and you no longer have to fight the symptoms, because everything falls into place.
A naturally masculine man is different from a man who was never allowed to be masculine.
“Resolve the reasons and you no longer have to fight the symptoms, because everything falls into place.”
How magical do you picture that? His feminized behavior seems ingrained in him like a mechanism. This mechanism has to be fought by questioning and disrupting it consciously to have it then be replaced with another mechanism of masculinity.
I never said that it shouldn’t be tried to have it be natural. He just doesn’t have it that way.
Do you not think that he has also tried to resolve his childhood wounds?
It is to be expected that he did what could be done.
He should strive to think in a masculine manner and be masculine and that in turn will actually resolve his childhood wounds.
That being said my concept isn’t just standing on one foot. lolknee has multiply stated that we should try to consciously think about every action for a month.
This is something he recommends and is doing himself all the time.
I just modified it to put away childish or feminine thought or mannerisms.
I respect lolknee, but he quite often admitted that he is not really able to bond and have relationships or even real friendships, so while that is fine, you have to wonder whether that is what you want to be.
How magical do I picture that? Meditation. Shovel away the dirt that is on top of who you really are as a man and the man underneath can shine. Then you will not have to think about anything.
The behavior is not ingrained in him – only in his mind. And the whole point of enlightenment is to let go of the mind, and thus of conditioned behaviors. “Natural” is what stays.
You aren’t blaming his problems on this technique, now are you?
He is atheist and fairly logical and thus became nihilistic. That wrecks bonding.
Here I would like you to give me and also him some tips if you don’t mind.
How do you meditate?
“The behavior is not ingrained in him – only in his mind.”
You are twisting my words in ways that don’t make contextual sense.
This doesn’t disprove that such techniques work nor does the rest of it.
That being said; there is nothing wrong with removing unnature with unnatural methods as long as it aids natural mechanisms. That also being said conditioning is natural and we do it all the time.
Only when acting against your inherent nature something should be done.
Ive done a little bit of reading on how fapping effects a Man. A mans testosterone levels arent terribly effected with fapping, but with routine to excessive fapping, The androgen receptors in the male brain will shutdown. Im not a biologist , and i havnt read to much in depth on what the androgen receptors of the brain are responsible for, but im sure the androgen receptors shutting down is not a good thing. If i can remember correctly that once the androgen receptors shut down due to fapping, estrogen receptors in the male brain become more active. The androgen receptors will become active again as the frequency of fapping decreases or stops.
Whenever I hear this they never clarify whether they’re ejaculating or not. There’s a big difference to jacking off and not releasing vs. Jacking off and releasing
Well, I’ve stopped fapping for about two months now and I’m already feeling more assertive than ever.
As for the mental trick, I’ve been a kind of suppressing effeminate behavior/thinking for a while, it’s certainly making a difference but I would say it’s easier to harness my behavior when alone cause as soon as with my friends (which consists mainly of girls) I’ll retrieve the flamboyant me.
Well, wanted to add to that. You seriously need some male friends. Even if that means (or better yet) to distance yourself from girls.
You should also come around to the thought that girls can’t be “friends” the way guys can with you.
The way I understand your problem is that you do it subconsciously and automatically given situation.
Of course do you try to suppress it. However when you don’t make a clear line (“I will act like this in the coming situation”) or just a label this will always be easily swept away. Nor will you have any self gratification from it or the threat of “losing” and making an act with the bad label.
It will make your efforts more persistent and conscious.
Also, have you felt ragingly masculine and aggressive at the seventh day of not fapping?
How come you won’t respond?
Sorry I’ve just noticed your last comment.
I literally have no clue on how to build a male friends circle the way I had the female friends circle. I guess the brain “rewiring” will take a long time, during which I’ll experiment with every advice stated by you guys.
These last three days I tried to distance myself from two of the closest ones, for instance one of the them has just came back from France and gave me a call, in the past I would’ve said “OMG, lots to catch up on, I’ll be at your place in 30 minutes” but this time, I’ve just said “That’s great”. And honestly it felt quite odd.
As for the no fap streak, I get the T buzz from time to time but I guess I’ve reached the flat line phase, as I barely think about sex anymore.
Well, that was about all the advice I got for you. My question was to clarify wether or not your problem is part organic, which it does not seem to be.
Regarding friends I would look out for the RoK meet ups that seem to be on the horizon again. You should mainly just try to socialize with men first and friends can be expected later.
One main problem could be that you don’t share many hobbies or interests with the average and even less so masculine man due to your upbringing. It’s necessary that you expand on that even if that isn’t fun at first.
That being said, keep it up and I wish you the best for the future.
Also, is RoK down just for me? Was likely some overly enthusiastic beta hacker again…
Don’t go to the dark side. Actually do. It leaves more rampant totty for the rest of us real men!!! 😄
If I were you, I would focus myself on a course of
self-improvement. It is never too late to be a better you, and half (or more) of the improvement comes from the journey itself.
Start by putting all the sexual stuff aside. Don’t masturbate, don’t have sex, etc. Also, put the gay question aside for now, too. Just focus on self-improvement.
RoK is full of articles linking to various self-improvement
books and techniques. All the resources you need are either here, or linked here.
Start with lifting. Stronglifts 5×5 is a great introduction to lifting – it doesn’t take much time, it’s straightforward, focused on the basics, and you can gain real strength successfully. That was my starting point and lots of guys have used it to make gains. That said, there are a number of different lifting programs and starter routines on the manosphere that you can find. Pick one, anyone, and get started. You may decide later to pick a different routine or system, but getting started and establishing the *habit* of working out and lifting consistently will be a big boost.
Start eating better. Again, RoK has tons of resources on this, as does the RVF. Find something to complement your lifting and start doing it. Maybe focus on something that will help boost your testosterone, eating clean to avoid artificial
hormones, etc.
Read, and read outside of your usual genre. Search RoK for some of the fiction/nonfiction books recommended here that involve the wisdom of the ancients, politics or ‘old-school’ masculinity. Focus on gaining new and different kinds of knowledge. Avoid relationship-focused stuff for now, look for things on better decision-making, the use of ration and logic,
stoicism, etc.
Research self-improvement programs and books on RoK and RVF. Again, avoid Game-related or relationship stuff for now, but rather developing a stronger, more independent mindset, or strengthening your mental core, self-discipline and self-control. Cernovich’s Gorilla Mindset is one that comes to mind but there are many others. When you find one that excites you, commit yourself to it and stick with it.
Turn off the TV, video games, movies, and mainstream culture for a while. Focus on your self-improvement: lifting, eating right, reading, etc. Get yourself out of the mainstream Kardashian echo-chamber and start getting some different opinions and ideas in your head – even if you disagree with them – in fact, especially if you disagree with them! The goal of this is to get away from the daily cultural propaganda out of your head, and to immerse yourself in some of the ancient wisdom of man, as well as some of the new wisdom that the manosphere is developing.
As you start eating better and lifting, start shifting your focus, as well. Cut out extraneous things (including people) that detract from you doing this work on yourself. This will be tough, as you will be used to your old habits, and the people around (including your Aunts) will not want you to change and will make it difficult for you. But you can do it.
Once you find a lifting program, an eating regimen and a self-improvement focus, commit yourself to leading this lifestyle for 30 days. 30 days of lifting, eating right, sleeping well, abstaining from sex, avoiding mainstream culture, and gaining ancient/modern masculine knowledge/perspectives. Set goals, and hold yourself to them. Keep a daily log of your progress, your setbacks, and how you feel.
As the end of the 30 days starts to wind down, start
reevaluating. Is the lifting program working for you? Don’t give up on it just because it’s hard, or because you don’t like lifting. But if you find a different program that you think will work better for you, then maybe give that a try. Same thing for eating, self-improvement strategies. Don’t give up on something because its too tough or inconvenient – rather, just move to something else after you do your research and find something that you believe, from a rational mindset, will meet your needs better.
The overall point of this is to build a better you, physically and mentally. Get your mind, body and your emotions in a better place, and start really feeling better about yourself. Get to a place where you feel more educated, and more rational, and where you are making decisions from logic
and reason rather than need, boredom, outside influences or fear. Shore up your self-discipline, build up your
inner strength and your mental toughness. (Note: the lifting is a big part of this, as it affects the biochemical
mix and your mental/emotional function).
You want to move from being a sailboat drift in the
mainstream cultural sea, blown about by the ever-shifting winds of popular opinion. Anchor yourself on the core wisdom of mankind that has been tested and refined over centuries of time. Build yourself up, inside and out, to resist the external forces trying to push you to the left… or even to the right, for that matter. Set your feet on solid ground, and become confident in choosing your own path, whatever that may be.
After some time and serious commitment to making these
changes, and when you get closer to that goal, then reconsider your sexuality. If you want to be homosexual, go ahead, just make sure it is your choice and not something conditioned into you by outside forces (at some point, you may also realize that you can be homosexual without being a big gay fag, too, but this is kind of advanced level).
I’m not suggesting that any of the above will ‘turn’ you
straight. All I know, if you are so unsure about a major part of your identity, you need to get your mind and your emotions in a solid place before you can really figure that shit out.
A last note of warning in case you decide to try being
straight: before you start actually begin interacting with females on anything even approaching a heterosexual level, go read every single Game resource you can find. Read Roosh, read everybody and everything. Learn Game, love Game, fucking become Game. Because if you try to enter the hetero market these days without Game, you’re gonna go running and crying back to the gayness with a quickness, my friend.
Good luck.
Thank you sir very much for these recommendations. I like the idea of cultivating a resilient mind in order to make rational choices and decisions. And honestly this will my plan/lifestyle from now on.
What struck me the most in your reply is putting the sexual question aside for a while, which is totally novel to me as I was accustomed and schooled to bring out my sexual orientation whatever the occasion might be and make a fuss about it (in a veganish way).
A one size fits all “gay identity” in order to fit in the “gay community” is a dangerous idea, as Jack Donovan describes it in his book Androphilia “gay culture as providing a “just-add-vodka instant lifestyle” complete with social group, musical tastes, affected behaviors, anti-male feminism, victim mentality, leftist politics, diva worship, fruitcake symbolism, and fixation on superficial features like looks and fashion”.
Just typing those words made me realize how wrong and misled I was.
I think, as you progress, you’ll realize that the modern mainstream concepts of “equality” and “diversity” are total Orwellian doublespeak versions of what those words are actually supposed to mean. I wouldn’t be surprised if you find the same thing is true about homosexuality… the modern mainstream narrative of homosexuality is focused on that instant lifestyle — that a predetermined identity — that really has very little to do with whether you as a man get sexually aroused by another man.
If you want to become the Man God intended you to be. Then you should pray to God and ask him to help you.
Respect for sharing this. if you perceive that God is calling you to be a Man, then respond to him. Respond in prayer, respond by taking tangible steps (like you have by sharing this), and by understanding what God created men for.
Plenty of good stuff has already been posted. I am very excited for you. Keep reading these blogs/articles.
I can only suggest that if you really want to be a Godly man then you MUST give up your homosexuality; this means that you must either try being in a relationship with a woman, thus gaining satisfaction by having a family of your own (force yourself to be bisexual), or you have to remain single and dedicate your entire life and chastity to God. I can’t think of any other way because homosexuality is intrinsically disordered and therefore spiritually damaging. Whichever you choose, may God be with you.
YES I’m willing to venture outside of this lifestyle and surely this attraction.
In fact, I’ve always known that it is wrong even while being fed the “it gets better, you are born this way” narrative. And luckily I have never had sex with a guy before.
You might want to look into conversion therapy…secretly….its very controversial. Also, you are at a HUGE risk for HIV is you are a gay male.
Stay true to the path Yahuah/father G-d wants you to. In this physical life, it will be hard. But pray upon him and you shall have eternal life and true oness in the spirit. Even for men like us who are straight, pussy is something we must contain and not become drunken with. It applies to us all, straight, gay or questioning. I’ll pray for you
So what do you do if you have a son and you can see that girls just don’t find him sexually attractive?
Regret life. Should ve went with you gut instinct and left him float away in a basket.
Love him as he is and let him find his own way. When he does not fear judgment for it, he will have the confidence to be who he wants to be. Sexual rejection is not the worst fate you can have. Besides,hardly anyone is so repulsive as to be rejected bx every single girl.
It hardly means much if nowadays girls don’t find him attractive.
He doesn’t have to be a player to find a traditional wife.
Masculinity should be enough.
That at least makes sense to me.
Exactly, tell him when he is old enough to travel to a place where there is still an emphasis on men being men and women being women.
Eventually he will find someone who appreciates what he has.
Tell him to become his own man first. Go on an adventure, join the military or undertake some project. Girls peak in their attractiveness in their early 20’s, guys peak about 30 (and they remain attractive into their 50’s or later)
I must say I am surprised. This is s great article. Bravo.
Growing up, my dad put together a gym in our unfinished basement. We had a bench press, squat rack, heavy bag, jump rope, barbells and dumbells. We also had long mirrors to aid in practicing correct form (and developing some healthy narcissism). He made a copy of Arnold Schwarzwneggers first body building encyclopedia. We put together lifting programs and referenced Arnold’s book. Each lift showed a picture of Arnold in a starting position and a finishing position which made it easy for me to follow and my dad could guide me along the way. Watching my dad lift weights much heavier than I was a huge motivator for me, always wanting to lift more and get stronger. Having pictures of a massive 26 year old Arnold was a huge motivator as well, not just to idolize but a guide to show me, “this is the road map.” My dad kept reminding me, “you wanna be like Arnold? This is what you have to do.” It never felt forced, just me and my old man spending quality time together, having fun, getting strong, music playing on our old GE radio (I still have the radio, tape deck and all). I was 12 years old. I still have the pictures of my dad and I flexing for the camera. I owe it to my dad for creating a positive influence and a lifelong commitment to health, fitness and achievement. I love my dad.
I dug Charles Atlas and Jack LaLanne. Very inspirational.
Fuck yeah….Jack LaLanne is one of my heros too! I am always surprised at how many people have no idea who he was, or any of the amazing feats he performed as an old man. Gives me hope that I can still be on the mat kicking ass well into my 90’s and beyond!
Such a great story.
wow, sounds like great times. my little guy is 16 months and every time he comes into the garage when I am working out, he does little ‘pushups’. very few things can top those moments.
A friend of mine’s kid scares the crap outta me. He’s about six and is already throwing a mean round kick. I wouldn’t want to fight him when he gets older.
Your Dad is awesome man.
Hoorah! And that you understand the benefit of receiving that gift must inspire men to give it in turn and know that there is truly great value in being a good father to a son.
The mirror is the most essential piece of gym equipment.
My son is two and a half. I hope one day he looks back on his childhood and has enough fond memories to leave a comment like this. Thanks for sharing.
OT: Young black Trump supporter holds his own with BLM (with a gay pride sticker?) and condescending middle aged bitch. Good to see.
Hawt young bitches with him.
Remember in Little Miss Sunshine grandpa councils grandson to get as much hot teenage pussy as he can while it’s legal for him? LOL.
That’s literally one of my biggest regrets about this life of mine. When I chat up a 16 year old today, she calls me a pedophile. Fucking sad.
She is a twat.
Yeah. But when I get told stuff like this, I just strategically retreat, because hell, in today’s world, who knows what happens when she calls the cops, right?
I insulted 3 adult male cops last year. Guess what my punishment is. 5940 EUR. Point is, though, I am on welfare. And with things turning out this way, I am certainly not going to take up a real job anytime soon, just to pay these crybabies for their hurt feelings.
Personally I care for neither candidate. However, it is fun watching someone breaking the narrative. Also, those two girls are hot. Hope they reward his bravery by engaging in some “multiculturalism”, if you catch my drift.
Ha ha says so much that a 14/15 year old black boyeeee can school a middle aged black Fag…….
Democracy in action. Vote whichever way you like but have fun being called “racist” or “bigot” just because you have differing opinions.
As a Brit, same thing happened here with the EU referendum. My cousin told me he voted leave but he doesn’t dare say that in public especially in the work place since everyone there is so liberal. It’s so funny how liberals completely forget that in a democracy everyone is entitled to an opinion and that all opinions are equal.
I heard this poor kid got his ass kicked by other black kids because he was “acting white”.
Wuht you gon’ tell ’em when a racist sends messicans back to messico?!?!
I’m afraid to watch past the first minute of this video.
If you raise your sons in a manner even remotely similar to this, they’ll dominate in life since all of their peers will be limp-wristed losers.
Father of 6 here……. one of the big things I’ve learned is boys are different than girls. They roughhouse more, break more stuff, and are more logical in their thought patterns. Our school system and the rest of society is hell bent on turning boys into girls. Have to combat that by homeschooling, roughhousing with them, working hard with them and playing hard with them. Minimize electronics, as much as they want them, Call of Duty is no substitute for actually going out and shooting stuff.
Great article.
I think to answer your last question, you can copy and paste much of the article, replace ‘masculine’ with ‘feminine’ and choose a traditional, respectful and virtuous woman to be the role model for your daughter – just like you would be the role model for your son.
To complement #1 in the list, the role of the partner is also very important when raising your son/daughter. If that doesn’t work out well, it can have a dramatic impact on the child: a domineering mother will either make her son into a pussy (like what has happened nowadays on a huge scale) or a serial killer hating women; so will an abscent, weak or abusive father give his daughter ‘daddy’ issues, i.e. turning them into sluts. Hence, why this article in my opinion is useful for raising a daughter as well.
I have a child on the way and if I’m blessed with a son I hope to utilise these points. How to raise a kid in these days is what keeps me up at night.
I would add in a strong moral code though such as my Christianity. Something to ground all this hard work into.
Too Bad western society will never allow a father to raise his son with out his mothers approval. Unless you plan on having a child with a surrogate or blessed with his mother dying during child birth she is calling the shots on this one enforced at gun point by family law.
6. Raise a kid that will ultimately be independent-have in mind that one day, you will not be around whether because of leaving or simply death. So make sure you’ve raised a person who will, once left to fend for himself, be able to do all the things he has to do without someone holding his hand.
“You can’t make a boy practice a hobby or sport that he doesn’t like” ..but turning him from homosexual to straight is no fucking problem, apparently!
Leave it to the experts I suppose…like Conversion Therapy. Maybe.
It is obviously an inborn condition (a mental “illness” in some sense) ..we have no “cure” for it yet. until a cure is invented, you must accept your son for who he is ..much like if he were autistic, schizophrenic, or similar.
Yes, NO man-dates, pretty please!
woah-man….that’s deep!
Life’s a dance……….don’t overthink it.
Like taking a girl out on the dance floor. You just go for it, swing her and twirl her around a bit. Pretty soon, you can move into the more complex stuff. Overthinking it can cause you to stress out and do worse than if you just do it.
Ignore the psychologists, advice giving in-laws, and self help books. If a problem arises, your gut instinct and intuition is the best source of advice. That being said, lead a traditional life with kids. They are entitled to being reared by a married husband and wife who honor their vows with complete fidelity.
Who knows, you might actually enjoy it.
One thing is about how you approach the hobby and sport. Often it is “I don’t have time for it but want you to…”. Generally Daddy time can ignite interest. Sometimes it can be smuggled. I didn’t like running but would bicycle 25 miles easily because I could go interesting places. Building a treehouse doesn’t seem like exercise.
The lead by example applies to discipline. If you use corporal punishment, the only think your son (or daughter) will learn is might makes right. If he understands he did something wrong, then the question is how to make it right. Does Daddy spank mommy when she burns dinner? They why spank the child when he fails? Who spanks you when you go over the speed limit? It is better to raise a philosopher that understands morality than to raise someone that you won’t like it if he ever reciprocates when he becomes bigger and stringer than you.
Puberty is a special problem and best handled by a male friend or uncle – I think focus on the family has an audio series. The original Star Trek had an episode about Spock’s 7 year itch where he abandons logic. If that can be controlled and channeled properly you will have a knight in shining armor. If not, just a brute.
I should note that developing the male virtues can create a problem. You can create an alpha, but you still don’t want him “sleeping around” if only because he might have to pay child support or get an STD.
Christendom knew how to do this. But we are in a post-modern, post-christian world.
Very good advice. But you left out a very important point if you haven’t found yourself and you’re not a man who lives for himself and and improves yourself constantly completely free from societal pressures while being a manchild you won’t be a great father figure. You got to have constructive hobbies like lifting weights and carpentry, if you come from work and just sit around in front of the TV or computer with a beer in hand forget about being a father.
When you take your son out somewhere only do it with the activity or place to go that you would normally enjoy and your son is merely coming to give you company. Don’t be fixated on trying to make him learn just do what you normally do and your son may follow suit. Of course you still have to protect him from danger, your responsibilities only lie in that
All of this suggests that Roosh will prove a good father.
You might want to consider the “dangerous child” concept as well:
https://alfin2101.wordpress.com/
Teaching them about paying electric bills, taxes and other adult things using examples like if they want an iphone they had to get a job and pay for the plan
property taxes turned my world upside down. i still ask my dad why the f he did not tell me about that whole deal.
what a racket.
Just know if you can’t be your son’s role model and mentor he will turn towards other mentors like cuckold media and his role model will be Caitlyn Jenner
ok roosh, less talking more walking…
Waaaaah, why couldn’t I have had you as my father? Bwaaaaaahhh all the crap I had to go through with my natural family! Oh the horror! In all seriousness, good article. One point I would add would be to tell your children that they will one dya become adults and they have to take care of themselves. They need to learn to protect and live on their own.
“Lead by example” This is the way to parent, show your children that there is a better way to live your life than in hedonistic pleasure; be self-sacrificing, virtuous, studious, honourable, a lover of righteousness and truth. After children have had their little rebellion stage, they’ll remember your wise council and follow suit, they’ll know that there’s more to life than just sex and money, and that they are part of a continuation of a civilisation, which they are now in the care of and who’s duty it is to preserve and pass down to posterity.
What I learned from my brother… He did the opposite of what you suggest with his kids with predictable results. His kids are a slow motion train wreck. My father on the other hand did just what you suggest, creating myself. A man who prides fitness, intelligence, competence and masculinity. And gives a firm middle finger to the pedo-loving liberals (great line!).
What happened to your brother then (why did he turn out differently)?
That is a question I have often pondered. I don’t know. He seems very dreamy about his family as though they will just take care of themselves with minimal care, like an orchid.
I noticed it very early on. When his son struck him (at about four years old) I leapt up in a rage and told the boy off. My brother was very passive about it, like that level of disrespect was no big deal. And now the boy and the girl are older they casually disrespect family members and others. The girl one time hit me in the face with a hat – for fun! She was aged 9. Naturally I was furious but what disturbed me was that she would even think to do that. I wouldn’t dream of doing something like that to an adult. So now I prefer not to have anything to do with them.
The only thing I can think of is that my brother has some kind of disorder that prevents him from looking after children properly. Or maybe he has drunk the Kool-Aid on modern childcare. I don’t know.
Tom T Hall had two big hits, one he sung about faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, and more money, the other was about old dogs, children, and watermelon wine. This article is more akin to the latter.
#2 girl on the right!! That’s where orlando bloom has been for the last 10 years!!
It terrifies me as I contemplate having children to think that they could be brainwashed by SJWs and popular culture. We all have friends who are wise and strong men, but their children turn out to be weak. This is some great advice to avoid that.
My dad wasn’t around. I can attest that every young man needs a mentor. I could have bypaseed much of my failure this way.