Wendell Willkie was a strikingly handsome man – charming successful, and confident – and a “womanizer“.  In 1940, he ran against the popular Franklin Roosevelt as FDR tried for a third term.   While the press generally let both candidates keep their private lives private, a Trotskyite female writer took a backdoor approach to scandal against the Republican candidate and published a widely read short story about a handsome businessman meeting and “seducing” a young woman on a train. “The Man in the Brooks Brothers Shirt” was generally taken to be Willkie.

Trains remain good places to meet, game, and bang women – if it worked for Wendell (and for me), it can work for you.

The Business End of Amtrak

By trains, I mean long distance Amtrak routes, particularly in the Western part of the country.  Ideally, you’ll want to take an overnight trip, preferably start to finish.  These routes range from 35 hours for Los Angeles to Seattle on the Coast Starlight to 51 hours for Chicago to San Francisco on the California Zephyr (two nights.)  The New Orleans to New York run, the Crescent, might work at 30 hours but I haven’t tried that route and its been many years since I rode the Silver Star or Silver Meteor from NYC to Miami.  As you might expect, the overnight City of New Orleans from Chicago via Memphis to the Big Easy can be quite the party train as can the longer Sunset Limited from LA to New Orleans.  For route descriptions, timetables, menus, and reservations, check www.amtrak.com.

Something like airlines,  Amtrak offers two classes – coach and “accommodations” – the latter really “first class” by another name.  You really want accommodations on overnight trips.  Sleeping in a coach seat is a great argument for strong opiates – it ain’t easy.  In accommodations, you pay for a ticket for carriage at the same price as coach but buy your room as a separate, additional charge that includes your meals in the dining car. But they don’t offer a room for one – their smallest is a roomette with two beds.

The beauty with the Amtrak system is that even if  you’ve boarded alone and paid for a roomette, you can still invite any ticketed passenger to join you, even for meals and as an overnight guest, until her (or your) ticketed destination.  Money-wise, it’s all the same to Amtrak.  Most on-board staff know the deal although you do need to inform your car attendant and introduce your new bed buddy so the attendant can recognize the new face in the sleeper car and be accountable for all the passengers in case of an accident.

Who Rides Amtrak?

Amtrak clientele is diverse.  They have three market niches pretty much to themselves – the obese who are too broad for airline seats, the neurotic who are afraid of flying, and the geriatrics who are too weak to travel any other way (using the special handicapped bedrooms.)  None of these groups are of much interest.

Better are the college students and other young people moving about the country.  Obviously, there are prime travel seasons for college students but there were young bargain hunting females on every train I’ve been on.  Foreigners seem to love our trains, especially Australians and Germans, and both nationalities are friendly and eager to talk to Americans.  Another surprising group of people are the recently divorced/widowed or those just escaping a failed relationship.  The largest single group, however, are retired people who usually travel as couples.  They tend to be friendly enough, but just not your focus.

The young American women and the recently divorced are your prime targets, depending on your own age.  In either case, the best place to meet them is in the lounge car.  Besides having the biggest windows and the best views, it also has a full-time bartender from early morning to midnight!  With any game at all, you’ll be able to strike up a conversation with a female of your choice.  Women on trains are easy to approach since they feel safe and protected while on-board.

Once you’ve broken the ice with a particular woman you’ve met in the lounge car, and maybe had a couple of drinks with her, your next move is to invite her to visit your room in “first class.”  Choose carefully, because you two may be very intimate for the next 48 hours. You can consume your own private stash of  booze in your room, something that’s forbidden to coach passengers. Water, ice, cups, juice and soft drinks are provided as mixers in your sleeping car so bringing a pint of vodka or rum is thinking ahead and can save money.  Remember to introduce your new friend to your car attendant.

The Mechanics of the Roomette

A roomette is not a roomy place for a tryst.  Yet it is several notches better than the backseat of a car and infinitely better than the toilet on a 777. You will be able to lock the door and pull the curtains for privacy.  The train’s background noise when moving will block most conversation and non-screaming lovemaking sounds from your neighbors.  If you DON’T pull the curtains while getting frisky, the car attendant may interrupt you to protect the sensitivities of the other passengers.  Think of it as a very cozy, rolling hotel room.

Taking your new friend for a meal in the dining car is another gift.  In any case, if the waiters see you two coming from the sleeping car end of the train (the diner and lounge cars are in the middle) and/or you’ve made a reservation for two, then they will simply ask if you’re in coach or the sleepers – you say “yes” to sleepers and just sign the two order forms with your name and your car and room numbers.

The big step is inviting her to sleep in your roomette.  If she’s already tried sleeping in a coach seat, she’s primed for your offer.  You can also offer a shower—pre- or post-coital—there’s one per sleeper car available for passengers who don’t have one in their larger rooms.  It works well and doesn’t get much use.

Mistakes to Avoid

But if she takes you up on the overnight, don’t let this beta move be yours:

Make her get her ass out of the rack and go with you to the dining car – don‘t play room service for her.  Also, you’ll want the bottom bunk for sleeping since it is a bit roomier than the top rack.

If you’re in coach, don’t despair!  Getting overly amorous in your coach seats is discouraged since you’re surrounded by other passengers although there are blankets if you’re discreet and quiet after lights out.  Better, the coach cars have “dressing rooms” downstairs that are larger and cleaner than the rest rooms and can be used when the passion temperature is right.

Other tips:

–  Tip your car attendant, bartender, and head waiter at first meeting and remember their names. $20 each is a good start and gets their attention.

– Baggage check is available between the larger stations but there’s plenty of room for carry-ons.

– Bring plenty of cash or credit cards to buy alcohol.  The selection of wines (in half bottles or by the glass) in the dining car is usually decent, reasonably priced stuff.  The price of alcohol is not included in accommodations.

– There have been no TSA pre-boarding inspections to date although you are asked to check your guns!  Amtrak, by law, has a special gun safe in the baggage car.
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– Dress up a bit and look sharp but comfortable.  This gives you credibility with a broader range of females and with the staff.  Shoes are required to be worn when not in your seat or compartment.

– A roll of duct tape is a favorite with regular Amtrak riders – a little tab can quiet annoying rattles or muffle a too-loud screamer.

– No smoking on the train but most schedules stop every couple of hours long enough for a smoke of whatever on the platform.  If you don’t smoke, get out anyway and walk up and down the train for exercise. Plus, you might meet someone you haven’t seen in the lounge car yet – here’s a chance for an invitation.

– Mingle early and often.  Being seen as open and friendly, even with the retirees, can be the social proof she needs.

– Don’t give the staff lip or act the fool.  They have the legal authority to smack you upside the head, cuff you, and leave your ass off on the Winnemucca platform at 2 am in January…. or worst.

– Ladies – if you are someday on a long train trip and a tall, handsome, well-dressed gentleman offers small talk, cocktails, and a chance to visit with him in his first class room, you’d be a fool to say no.

– Guys – if you should see a tall, handsome, well-dressed gentleman on a train making his moves on an attractive female, don’t you dare try to AMOG me.

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