The institution of marriage is in big trouble. About 40% of all marriages in the US end in divorce. The divorce rate would probably be even higher but for the fact that increasing numbers of people are not bothering to get married at all. There are lots of reasons that marriage is dying, but the biggest one is that we have banished the concept of masculine leadership within marriage.
What is male headship?
The headship of the husband in marriage simply means that there are complementary masculine and feminine roles within marriage. The role of the husband is to be a leader. As a leader, he is responsible for determining the family’s mission, setting the pace, and keeping up morale. He also has ultimate decision making authority.
You can think of the husband as the king of the realm where the realm is his own family.
It is important to stress that the husband’s leadership role within marriage is natural. It is not a cultural construct. The patriarchal leadership of the husband has been apparent in every civilization from the Pagan Greeks and Romans to the Christian societies of the Middle Ages and early 20th century America. It is only after 1960 that we began to see the erosion of this masculine ideal in Western countries with the rise of feminism.
Our culture rejects the idea of masculine leadership
The equalist narrative really took off in the 1960s.
Of course, bringing back the headship of the husband is easier said than done. Western culture underwent a complete transformation 50 years ago. We went from being a somewhat traditional culture to a radical egalitarian one.
The transformation was due in large part to the influence of feminism. Feminists used the worst abuses of patriarchy to dismantle the entire institution. They talked about women who had endured years of violent beatings or who suffered silently with a philandering husband.
No one wants to see innocent people suffer, so the public responded by making “reforms.” No fault divorce was created so that men and women could break up a marriage even if their spouse was not guilty of doing anything wrong. Women were encouraged to remain in the workforce even after they had children as a way of being independent from their husbands. And generations of boys and girls were raised to believe that men and women were equal in every way except for the surface level differences of their sex organs.
These cultural changes have all but extinguished the idea of true masculine leadership in marriage. Thus, if we want to restore the headship of the husband, we have our work cut out for us.
Wrong ideas of masculine leadership
Before we talk about how to bring back the leadership of the husband, we have to understand what it is not.
The leadership of a husband is not like that of a manager in a modern corporation. The corporate manager rules by the carrot and stick approach. If you work 80 hours per week, he can reward you with a 1% raise. If you accidentally outshine him, he can fire you. This corporate model is completely foreign to marriage.
Another mistaken model is the straw man created by feminists. According to this model, patriarchal leadership is like a tyrant bossing around a slave. While feminists have convinced young women that masculine headship is equivalent to the tyrant-slave model, the truth is that it was never really the norm in the West due to the influence of Christianity. And, as a practical matter, I doubt very many men would be happy with a wife who had no personality of her own.
How does a man exercise his leadership in a feminist world?
If you’ve ever read management theory, you know that there are two basic types of authority: positional and personal.
Leaders who have positional authority receive submission because of the position they hold. Most corporate management jobs are like this. You obey your manager not because they are great people, but because they have the power to reward or punish you.
On the other hand, personal authority comes because the individual has a track record of excellence. They have demonstrated repeatedly through their actions that they are people who are worthy of being followed. We follow these people because they deserve it, even if they don’t have any positional authority over us.
By definition, a husband has positional authority to be the leader in his marriage. In the past when husband and wife subscribed to a traditional point of view, this may have been enough for the husband to exercise his masculine leadership in the marriage.
But if you try to pull rank on your wife in the modern day, it will have the exact opposite effect of what you intended. Women today are trained to reject their husband’s positional authority by default.
The only way to make your headship operative in your marriage is to develop personal authority.
How I became a leader in my marriage
My own marriage had a rough beginning. The trouble started during the wedding planning. My wife’s family shelled out the money for the wedding, but they provided my fiancée with no help in planning the wedding. When she asked me for help, I just shrugged my shoulders. After all, I thought, that was the woman’s job.
During our first year together, I acted like a spoiled brat. My wife was finishing up school and working so she was pulling late nights studying and waking up early. Rather than supporting her, I resented and complained about her schedule.
After about a year of this, we finally had a big argument where I realized that I had burned through all the goodwill I had generated during our courtship. Unless I did something quickly, we were headed for a divorce.
Trying to assert positional authority at that point would have only made the situation worse. Instead, I set out to rebuild my personal authority.
- I stopped complaining.
- I forced myself to be cheerful in all circumstances.
- I got involved in approving my wife’s decisions. Being a leader means that you are responsible for everything. You can delegate, but you are still ultimately responsible.
- Finally, I developed a vision for where I wanted our family to go, and I gradually got my wife to buy into that mission.
In other words, the only way husbands can be leaders in their marriage, is to behave like leaders.
My marriage didn’t change over night. It took several months of consistent living on my part before my wife began to believe that I was serious in fulfilling my role as husband. But it was well worth the effort. I found that when I exercised my role as a husband, my wife settled into her feminine role—naturally.
—
A good marriage is one of the most satisfying things in life. Unfortunately, our culture is making traditional marriage something more and more difficult to achieve—and it is happening by design.
That’s why I wrote my first book, Staying Married in a Degenerate Age. In the book, I discuss in detail what our cultural elites are planning for the institution of marriage. I also share practical advice that every couple needs to be aware of, including:
- How to cheat proof your marriage.
- Preventing divorce.
- Avoiding common money traps.
- Inoculating your marriage from the negative influence of the culture.
- Masculine leadership.
- Making your faith operative in your marriage.
I also dedicated two chapters to men who are not married yet. The first provides what you should look for in a potential spouse. The second gives some things that you can do to maximize your chances of attracting the right person.
Finally, I am offering a contest where you can win a $100 Amazon gift card. Click here to learn more about the book and the contest.
Read More: The Woman Who Posted Her Husband’s ‘Sex Spreadsheet’ Online Did Men Everywhere A Favour
The man is always, the head of the family. This is what the traditional gender roles were always defined as, since it correlates and reflects human nature. Men were traditionally perceived as the one who left the cave and brought home the meat, while the wife stayed at home and looked after the children. This in a nutshell, completed and successfully fulfilled the traditional nuclear family and the way of life. It was symbolic of the golden era where it was possible to maintain the middle class lifestyle while helping to spread the good and decent values of the human spirit.
However, ever since the arrival of the radical feminist movement in conjunction with deindustrialisation and the rise of the service sector, the very structure which bonded the family, had been obliterated and what has manifested is the destruction of the family unit. Fathers have been abandoned and replaced by the state in the form of ailmony and child support, while wives were becoming more aggressive and masculine in nature and more importantly, the children were being moulded with all of the wrong values. After decades of embracing and celebrating single motherhood and the villification of men in society, what we are now witnessing, is an experiment that has gone badly wrong.
The feminisation of men is now an abhorrent and repugnant epidemic that is permeating in society, where you can instantly see the results and conclude that single motherhood is indeed, one of the ultimate factors which has led to the emasculation of men. Men having thin physiques, wearing skinny jeans, covered with tattoos all over their bodies and having to rely on a woman to support himself. Then you have the women, who are aggressive, career minded while calling all the shots in the relationship. Men have subjected themselves with the reinforcement of legislation and policy making in favor of women, to turn into inferior individuals and henpecked simps.
There is indeed, something very wrong with what has become of the modern family in Western society. In reality, I would not even call today’s family unit a “family.” It is more of a freakshow and a sad testament of the cultural decline we are witnessing in our world. Women becoming the breadwinner and bossing her husband around while the husband has chosen to become the stay at home day and trophy husband. All of the great masculine values of traditional masculinity such as work ethic, dressing up appropriately, entrepreneurship, having class and sophistication have now been abandoned. But what makes the situation even worse is the very fact that people are oblivious to notice any of this.
This is very sickening and indeed, is one of the very reasons which has contributed towards the very high divorce rate that is spreading across the world. When men are not responsible for maintaining and heading the household, then the very structure of the family will breakdown, and will lead to the current disaster of what we have right now in society. The collapse of the family unit is indicative of everything else around us that is evaporating and disappearing infront of our eyes. No longer is it possible for men to build an income, develop self respect and a place for himself in society. In essence, all of the building blocks of society have been disposed of and replaced with the worst qualities of human nature.
To get the juice you have to earn the juice.
If you want your wife to consider you to be a leader, you need to act like a leader. Don’t worry about what society says.
Simply marry a woman who will not challenge you. Stay far away from career women. Let them die childless and their germline will end.
Find a woman who values a strong man like yourself and let that woman be your wife.
Choose wisely.
“Let them die childless”
If i could up vote this 1000 times i would. Seriously, careerist women are not worth the trouble.
But what about when the ch ildren are old enough to go to school… without a career what will she do all day?
She will be with her sisters arranging family meets, birthdays, newborn ceremonies, weddings for the extended family on weekends.The woman is often the bond that keep people close in the traditional setting.
Every woman will challenge at some point to some degree. I would find it curious if a woman never challenged me or if a woman wouldn’t STOP challenging me. Everybody needs a reminder from time to time I think.
Perhaps. Although the women I date do not challenge me, they follow my right direction.
Challenging women get immediately ejected.
Really never?
They know who rules the roost. The woman I date are 15-20 years younger than me. To them, challenging me is like challenging God. It’s different if I date women my own age though, which is why I don’t date them.
I made the mistake to marry a woman just 3 years younger than me. She accords me no respect. She thinks I am one of the boys, she is sexting others and feels no remorse when challenged. I am going into my shell, I am going celibate and will no longer eat at her dinner table. I will giver her free reign while I continue to do my duty because of the children, which is what she wants.
You’re a good man but she is a negative person. Negative people will drag you down. I think you feel this now but you are standing by your children. I have maximum respect for you brother.
I hope you can find a way out of this horrible situation.
Great article, Micheal. Like you, my marriage started on the rocky side, but when I started asserting my leadership role, things smoothed out in a matter of months. The fights went from daily to maybe 1 every couple of months. Most women, let alone feminists, don’t want to admit to themselves of some of these truths because of the societal brainwashing/propaganda:
-They don’t want to be in charge. They’d rather provide support and their opinions to the husband and have them make the final decisions.
-They hate working and would rather stay home with their kids.
I’ve witnessed this in my own marriage and I’m positive I’m not the only one. Unlike women, men aren’t driven by how others view them. It makes us natural leaders since we’re focused on the results, not what Jimmy, John, Mary, or Sue will think about us. We are also more inclined to make a decision faster and stick with it. In closing, I leave you with this video…skip to the 45 second mark.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4utY8lM6Bc
That was awesome. I was there a couple of years ago for the Migration.. sat at the river for 4 hours and they never crossed. You have to be very patient and then finally when one wildebeest is dumb enough to cross, the rest all follow like lemmings. It’s a great lesson in humility and gives you a sense of one’s place in the universe when you’re sitting in your metal Toyota box and you realize if you do so much as get out to pee you have a good chance of becoming supper. Life is short. Make it sweet!
Looks like he got tired of waiting for that bitch to fix his meal.
Notch 2(that’s the lion’s name): Screw this, I’ll make my own damn sandwich.
Truth be told….I make better sandwiches anyway. Got a little bit of a chef in me.
When men cook it should be for show. For example when drinking with other men at your house snacks are essential proper. If they’re good you’ll have prsetige in many cultures like SEA. It shows you as capable in all things and that the wife should keep striving to improve as a cook. My wifes sisters used to chide her I was a better cook so she upped her game big time.
That’s just the thing. The head of the pride can hunt by himself, he did before he was head of the pride. But the female lions usually hunt in groups. She is not accustomed to hunting alone, nor good at hunting alone. And he is not going hungry. This relates well to male and female interaction.
You are spot on. This feminist supported her husband to fulfilling his dream of becoming a lawyer because that was my job as a wife, to do what I could to help him be the best he could be and to be happy. She used her retirement money to buy us a house.
It gets tiring to do everything. I even had a breakdown or two. I wanted and needed support and decision making from him. Instead I got complete passivity and irresponsibility.
He let me down as a lover, friend and husband.
I wonder if it was my fault he became impotent or was it just a result of him being impotent as a husband. I didn’t mean to be emasculating. 10 years post-divorce and I can’t let this go and I can’t forgive myself.
nice to see you realized it even if tis too late,now dont waste that lessona nd hard earned knowledge and pass it on,if you do that it hasnt been a waste,salvage something
Thanks for your honesty, I pray for you.
Thanks. Going back to church and going to confession and communion has really helped. I am working on an anullment and on being the best person I can be….alone.
Forget about being a good person. First learn that you, like me, deserve hell. Once you can look at yourself as a failure, evil and incapable of doing anything correctly or even wanting to THEN you can plead for help. In order to live, you must first die. Then, in that devastation, plead as a beggar for Life from the only Good man that ever lived. If you give yourself no value at all, but cling to the value that God gives you freely, no one can put you down. If you’ll not read the book of Romans, try the lyrics to the song “The Rose”. They say the same thing.
Your husband was a waste-man.
“Don’t try to fix what ain’t broke”. All this modern talk of changing gender roles, taking down the patriarchy, challenging traditional masculinity/feminity bullshit makes me scratch my head. This society was built on a foundation of heterosexuality, traditional gender roles and Christianity. And people wonder why society is collapsing, now that everyone is eroding this foundation???? No shit it’s collapsing!
Completely agree!
Agreed some people think I’m extreme but homosexuality is destroying society and thus must be severely curtailed along with immigration from non Christian countries, if not stopped entirely as these cultures are not compatible with our values that made us great!
Values like socialism and equality?
Nope hard work and a society based on the family unit.
Not what you have in the West.
Not anymore, unfortunately. Canada like England and other Western nations, I imagine, has become a paradise for the lazy and punishes hard work with excessive taxes and benefits for the lazy like welfare and free dental etc.. I blame socialism for this and well equality is something that should be earned IMO. Cheers..
Whats great about this article?
Pretending to be alpha in marriage doesn’t mean anything.
She has the LEGAL power. Once she decides to legally castrate you, its all over.
The state gives her power over you period.
She knows your “leadership” is in name only.
You imbecile! don’t you realize this is a woman’s natural position? the law of the land, made by man, WILL NOT change woman’s nature, when you are a leader (no one should ACT like a leader, a man has expectations naturally and has to lead), the woman will fall in love with you and all of that legal BS won’t matter, you obviously don’t know how to apply authority, or know love, practical love, because you think a woman is in love with you and then POOF one day she decides to fuck you over. NO a woman is a bitch until you stop her.
Morons like you are far less “alpha” than the many billionaires/ muscular bodybuilder dudes/ bad boys/ badass fighters, etc that have been divorce raped already.
All this nonsense about being “alpha” doesn’t protect you.
Women only “fall in line” when there is TRUE power behind your leadership not some bluff.
Since you have no real power, your “leadership” is nothing but bluster.
Exactly right, I’m 37 years married and she still gets goosebumps when I hug her. Her friends, all divorced, call her the lucky bitch but she callls me sir. This article tells it exactly right, long term you EARN respect by hard work, wise choices and just the right amount of tenderness. It is as my lord, Jesus Christ taught us, a servant leader.
Again, exactly correct, if you think “game” you’ve already lost. . The successful predator doesn’t chase all prey, he focuses on one and pursues her alone. I brought down my wife/prey 37 years ago and I’m still feasting. She is my prey, I am her conqueror, and our 4 kids want what they see us enjoying.
Read about oxytocin, also known as the “cuddle hormone.” It is released when people have sex. It bonds them.
It also has a role in bonding moms with their newborns.
That is another reason to keep one’s numbers as low as possible. You don’t want to bond to someone unsuitable.
Power perceived is power achieved.
Go in with an exit strategy and you’ll be fine. Don’t buy a house, keep a second passport, portable assets that nobody knows about etc.
You should understand your own “Power perceived is power achieved.” comment. Going into a marriage with an exit strategy is perceiving yourself as powerless, you have the seeds of destructions planted.
My first marriage ended when my first wife chose to move in with my best friend at the time. I did not have children with her because from the start she was not as she seemed (I was 19yo). I told both of them they were the losers. In my opinion, they did me a favor. That did not deter me from getting married less than a year after. Both times full commitment, no exit strategy. 37 years later I still have no exit strategy, every penny I earn is for her to spend. She actually would come home and tell me about all the men flirting with her and get angry because I never once got jealous. As I say to her, if you’re going to cheat, that is your loss.
So where do I get this confidence that has never been shaken, even when cheated on in my first marriage? My God is my shield, my Avenger and my ultimate Lover. Of myself I am worthless, but He has made me worth the very life of Jesus Christ. God is madly in Love with me, and for no reason that I am worth it. He Loves me because He CHOOSES to Love me. That is my confidence. If I am somehow worth enough that Jesus Christ died for me, then I am surely more than worthy enough for my wife who is also a Christian to follow and melt in my presence. I exude confidence, my kids say the guy that advertises 2X beer is not half as cocky as me. I can, not because I think I can, but because through Christ ALL things are possible to me.
I stand on a solid Rock, all other ground is sinking sand. My wife, kids and colleagues see it and respond accordingly. Hedging your bets show you trust the world, yourself and the god Money more than the True and Only Living God. Others will eventually smell that shiftiness in you. You are doomed to failure. You do not perceive the Greatest Power of all.
Your first paragraph is retarded and an excuse for failing to prepare. I imagine you don’t bother with insurance for the same reason.
You will get it when you hand over your life to Jesus. He is the ONLY exit strategy. Out of this world.
That was awesome. Did you notice his ballsack was two different colours and as he charged past the lion bitch his balls were flashing at her like a strobe light?
Lion is thinking “Fuck this noise..it’s dinner time”…
I got married in December. We’re saving up for a house, planning on kids, the whole nine yards. I waited until my mid 30’s, found a girl 10 years younger, dated her for three years and lived with her for one before committing though.
Although I recognize that I am in the honeymoon period, I really enjoy it. My wife likes gender roles and generally recognizes me as the head of the household. Even on personal issues that only affect her, i.e. should I walk at my college graduation, she seeks my counsel.
I’m dumbfounded hearing or reading about guys whose wife won’t let them do things. If your wife is not encouraging your hobbies and interests, you shouldn’t be married.
Congratulations brother. Let us know when the Gundog heir is born.
Im in a similar situation – mid 30th, gf 10 years younger. So far so good)
I agree. Getting married soon to a girl I’ve been with for 3 years living together for 2. It was a hard road, but the thing 8 learned and from this website specifically have set up out relationship in a traditional mode. I found that accepting the leadership role and being an actual leader are key points to a happy relationship.
Honest question here. How can you be in a traditional relationship and justify living together before marriage?
I just don’t believe in that. I don’t want to sound like I’m throwing shade because I know everybody does it, but doesn’t that go against traditional ideals?
I’m wondering the same. I didn’t live with my wife until slightly before we got married, and even then it was for reasons of logistics. She lived with her parents until then.
We also waited with sex until married.
To me these stories of dating some chick for years don’t have any even remote association with traditional ways.
You can keep the good parts of a traditional marriage and update the not so good parts. It’s not a binary system.
The women you speak of are rare today. And so are the men.
It’s because those kinds of women are rare. And so are the men.
Correct, it is a package deal. Judeo-Christianity alone provides the right balance between feminism and machismo. When you start pulling out pieces you weaken the compact. Read Prov 31 and see if that is adoormat woman, written 3,000 years ago. Gundog is in honeymoon stage, perhaps they can overcome the starting error.
No, but you can’t improve on the formula. Your thoughts can not improve God’s design.
Sounds maybe very cold but as a man LTR/marriage is an investment question not some romantic bullcrap. So if you approach it from that perspective it’s rather easy to see the girls you should not speak to or so, even in semi arranged marriage type dating.
That’s what I did, I met my wife to be in secret a few days and when she went back home her mother knew she has found a husband for herself hahaha, so was invited to their family home and her sister flew over from the US to meet me, and then they said OK, I’m an Okay guy so she is mine. So then I had to “import” her here.
As a woman I will not give you me as a wife, completely, with all the perks and complete devotion, if you are not willing to make a committment. I am worth it. I understand that at my age it is unlikely I will remarry, but if I did, I would be willing to sign a fair pre-nup or other agreement to protect what we have each worked for.
Yes I can. God didn’t design marriage. It’s a social construct and varies throughout the time and place.
I said set up the relationship in a traditional mode not that it was a traditional relationship. If you want me to “justify” it, then I was making sure that I was making a good investment by living together before marriage.
It is a binary system, the ideal remains despite our failures (notice the inclusive our, I am not even close to perfect). Marriage is God’s idea and we tamper with it to our detriment. We’ll agree to disagree.
Once you sign a pre-nup, the marriage is already dead, you are just waiting to exit.
there is no “balance” between feminism and anything. the “balance” comes when feminism is 100% gone.
Ugh. I couldn’t imagine letting some woman henpeck me, telling me I can’t do things.
Which is why you don’t let her. Establish boundaries and rules up front and then stick to them.
I’m in my mid 30s, baller career, finishing a renovation on a good house, but I have yet to start the search for the woman. (Was fat, lost most of it, need to do another round of loss and some lifting this time.) I’d like a ten year younger woman, but it’s so hard to find a woman who isn’t a whore, or is single for a reason, or both.
You are correct on the hobbies. Whoever I get will be into cars and guns, at least.
Keep the hope alive. If everybody gave up then people like me who have faith and hope and keep myself open will have a whole meadow to choose from.
Forget about the hobbies. You want a woman or a man? What real feminine woman will be into cars and guns? Think about it. You can be sure that she had some sort of inculcation into those hobbies by a man. At least be sure that that man was her Father or Father Figure.
I live in the Midwest. Lots of farmer/hunter/gearhead girls here that grew up with it, especially if they had no brothers.
She doesn’t have to be into them, just not prevent you from doing them.
I don’t know. I’d teach my woman to shoot to protect hers and ours when I’m not around but to partake in my hobbies? I’d have her cleaning my weapons for me.
If I don’t do what my wife does/doesn’t want me to do and if she continued to press the issue and if she started to get attitude, I’d simply walk out. Go to the gym. Go for a drive. Go to the beach. Thankfully I’ve never gotten to that point, but I also don’t understand why a grown man would put up with that type of behaviour.
Although I recognize that I am in the honeymoon period,
The most dangerous time of the relationship. It’s when you feel blissful and happy all the time and thus, you start to accept the situation as normal, and alas, complacency develops over time. At least with a hell of a lot of men anyway.
I’ve been thinking, and I’d like your input on this Ghost. Perhaps when/if a man is looking to marry he should find a woman he is attracted to but not TOO attracted too. You’re not so invested that you can’t live without her, but you’re not so detached from her that you wouldn’t be at least a little upset if something happened to/with her.
The more people try to fight God’s rules, the more we discover how right He was.
.
Edit: how right He is.
Was?
Thank you for the correction; His rules are current, but they were written in the past.
Don’t confuse me with all that time travel mumbo jumbo 😀
Bunch of spoiled brats we must seem like, eh? I’d say the general spiritual evolution of the masses is passing through the rebellious teenager stage.
Thanks for this bro, finnaly Return of kings is offering solutions to the marriage delimma. I will buy your book.
We could always improve on nature, the equalists just haven’t found any improvements
We could, but duct tape sticks to the sheets and guillotines are so messy
I like to point out that women are biologically attracted to a leader. Once you stop acting like a man (leader) your marriage or relationship is automatically in trouble.
Women do not respect a man that isn’t a leader hence why ‘nice guys’ get nothing or divorced!
Does your comment require some editing?
What does it mean to be a “nice guy” rather than not? I have always wondered this, but I really don’t get what not nice guys do different, because it doesn’t seem to be the same thing as being an @$$hole.
Standing your ground doesn’t make you an asshole!
Read this to understand…
http://www.traitsofthealphamale.com/77/25-traits-of-an-alpha-male/
I guess I wasn’t in tune with this until recently. There is a man at my apartment complex that has the bearing of a leader. He is a Marine and very manly. I would ( in my fantasies), follow him anywhere and cook and clean for him. I hardly know the guy! I was married to such an ineffectual guy.
I don’t want to ever be in a relationship again, but I find him very appealing, even though I know he has issues…. and is too young for me.
This is solid advice. Fortunately for the author, he was able to establish leadership after initially letting things slip. For many husbands, it’s too late. The wife is already a ball buster, and the husband is too weak to take the lead, even if she would go along with it.
The best solution is for the man to handle the leadership role from the start, before the marriage, and then continue to hold it. If he fails to do this, he might be able to establish leadership after the fact, but it might be too late.
One final warning: A lot of women who are initially willing to follow the lead of their husband become rebellious as the years go by, and say he is too “controlling”. The way to avoid this is to rely on personal authority as described by the author, but it’s easier said than done over the long haul. If you are accused of being too controlling, it might just be a shit test, but it might be her working herself up to dump you in spite of all your effort to be a successful leader.
Yeah in that case I would say always have plan B lol
I find when women accuse me of being controlling, a little shrug is all it takes to shut her up. Sometimes, you being “controlling” is all in her head and she is just pulling out one of her “set-pieces” so she has something to whine about.
In any case, “complaining” is unmanning to you, especially to your wife. She should never hear you complain. Even the word itself sounds weak. From you, your wife should hear nothing but strength.
But more importantly, you should never criticise your wife. Not ever. Your wife should feel like you have her back no matter what. This inspires her confidence in you and will cause her to mirror your behaviour.
If you feel the need to criticise your wife, then she should not be your wife.
If you have your wife’s back, especially when it comes to issues with your family, she will respect you. No woman wants to he married to a pussy who won’t stand up to his Mommy.
Don’t put us in a position where we have to become ball breakers because you are weak and ineffectual or don’t want to deal with the problem but bitch when we deal with it.
Women complaining about controlling men is just a shit test (unless you are actually like a nut control freak “I SAID ONLY BLUR SHIRTS ON TIESDAYS” kind of shit)
Watch, ignore her and she will complain about that.
MGTOW looks better every day
Right you need to provide “guidance” as this is subtle criticsm wraped up with direction on how to fix the issue while stilll showing you are supporting her..
You understood it perfectly brother.
That’s leadership
“But more importantly, you should never criticise your wife. Not ever. Your wife should feel like you have her back no matter what. This inspires her confidence in you and will cause her to mirror your behaviour”
Obviously you have never been married. This is a platitude that is doomed to encourage failure. If she falls short of your expectations or standards YOU MUST address is immediately. Women and more importantly wives need to be alerted when they fall short. Their solipsistic nature ensures that more often than not, she will fuck up and be completely ambivalent to your perception of the matter. Or worse not realize she fucked up at all.
In a marriage, nevermind any long term relationship, that cannot stand.
Now how you actually go about rebuking her is another matter altogether.
And let’s be real, if its something a woman doesn’t want to hear, no matter how it comes up, it will be construed as criticism anyway. Something as simple as “The sandwich was delicious, but less salt next time” will translate to: “your sandwiches taste like garbage”.
Better to devlope a rep of being blunt – yet fair and consistent – than to sit and stew as she proceeds to fall short and become a liability to YOUR peace and happiness.
Go back and read the last line on my comment and then reconsider your response. Better not to go off half-cocked my brother.
Nobody likes criticism but I never said anything about not reprimanding or letting them know when they’ve fucked up. I’m talking about the pointlessly circular criticisms that are a form of abuse rather than helpful and constructive. I’ve been with a lot of women over the decades, trust me when I say they always know when I am displeased.
If you have a woman who falls to pieces with your sandwich example then you have a problem. I say stuff like that to chicks all the time without a problem. When a woman respects you she will aim to please you. It is in her nature.
Make no mistake, I read what you said and meant what I replied. As you’ve said, you’ve been with a lot of women of the decades, but you obviously haven’t kept one main for a long time, or had a wife.
What I say stands. I’ve done both. And let me be clear, a kept woman is a walk in the park compared to a wife.
The best woman – even one who appears “wifey material” gets tired of putting up the facade. As they say, All women are like that.
Be with a woman long enough, and there comes a point where you gotta be “that guy” and let her know; her shenanigans ain’t gonna fly, and you are not the guy play along.
Well then you misunderstood what I wrote both times and you are obviously wrong about how long I’ve had a “main”.
Maybe I did. That said, nothing personal, sometimes we need to butt heads to make sure we understand each other
Will definitely be getting this. Not married nor plan to ever be. But wisdom is wisdom. The Married Man Sex Life Primer by Athol Kay is the only other book of this nature I’ve seen. And based on how many people are married and miserable more books like this are needed. Best of luck Sebastion.
I’ve never considered the positional vs the personal authority. I always told my wife (in an authoritative guiding Obi Wan Kenobi voice) ”be strong, you must betray the great bitch force engulfing this orb we live on”. I really did that. I told her a few times while doing my sermon on the mount when she fucked up or when she was considering doing something terminally foolish ”you must betray the great bitch force” or I said in an aloof third person ‘godlike’ tone ”your bitch friends are vile witches and harlots. Betray them and leave them to their childish insolent foolishness. They will self destruct”. Not that she could comprehend or fully process what I was saying, she rolls her eyes and slightly nods. I’ve proven myself right during many trying circumstances. The words sink into her, maybe not immediately, but you keep your inner voice open to her, throwing into her the channeled words from an almighty patriarchal GOD whenever you can. It’s vitamin ‘P’ for PATRIARCHY that a woman needs so she doesn’t get that nasty scurvy-like emaciated and wretched feminist condition.
That’s my ‘god’ voice. Then there’s my caveman voice or language. A low ”mmmmuh” grunt she understands well. That means ”let’s do it . . over the couch”. Or whatever other comfortable item is nearby. She understands.
Ok, just copied your post. My wife is going to get the same instructions tonight, master Yoda. Her eyes are already rolling, but she’ll tingle underneath her giggling. 37 years, we Know each other in Christ.
Kratom
Something that wasn’t mentioned in this article: DON’T HAVE SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE.
The divorce rate for those who do, is around 8%. In people who don’t, it’s around 50%. And it has a perfect correlation: If you have more sexual partners, the higher the rate of marriage failure.
Marriage. LOL
I ‘d heard all these stories about how men die earlier than women from heart attacks, and decided it was from stress from being the sole provider. It seems like a lot of responsibility.
I wanted to be a partner and helpmate in my marriage. Instead of adhering to clearly defined roles, I tried to have a more ‘go with the flow’ mentality.
It didn’t work. I ended up doing everything for the Mama’s boy I married. It was a mistake because I ended up resenting him and he couldn’t be bothered, even when we bought a house. I had to hire someone to mow the lawn.
I married at 18 and finally left at 36.
Now, at 46, and well past my expiration date, I see the error of my ways.
I should have married a Catholic man who, like me, had the goal of having a covenantial marriage where God is first.
There should have been clear roles and expectations. The rigid division of labor in my home growing up was strictly along traditional male/female lines, but it worked because everyone knew their roles.
I see it with friends that are still married. Men seem to be confused and in their confusion/emasculation or learned helplessness seem to be unable to do anything.
If I could go back, I would have chosen a man to lead me. I think I would have had a more fulfilling life and possibly the confidence to have a child because I knew I would be supported emotionally as well as materially. That is why I call myself a failed woman.
You had that good example when you were a kid. Why didn’t you follow that?
Having a mean physically and mentally abusive Dad and Mom caused me to think different would be better. They fought a lot and it sometimes got physical. Angry men frighten me to this day.
I see. Both parents were a problem. But it looks like you threw the baby out with the bathwater. Maybe they were no clear roles? When everyone’s fighting for dominance there will be constant conflict. Or were they just both being selfish jerks?
Sorry your parents fought so much. That definitely sucks.
Elon Musk told his first wife, during their wedding, when they started to dance, “I am the alpha in this relationship”
Well the thing is….if you have to tell her that you are the alpha, guess what Elon, you are not.
They got divorced.
Most silicon valley CEOs are beta bucks who can’t control their bitches. They have no problem attracting women with their money but they don’t know how to control them because they are blue pill. Check out this one:
http://nypost.com/2016/03/14/ex-sequoia-capital-partner-countersues-in-sex-abuse-case/
You control your bitch by refusing to marry her. Put that ring on her finger and you instantly become legally her bitch, and she knows it
According to the news story, he wasn’t stupid enough to marry her but he gave her $10mm to help with her living expenses or some such idiocy which encouraged her to come back for more money. Blue pill blunder. Another over-paid used up cunt. Now she’s back to riding the cock carousel with his money.
Not necessarily. Establish your worth and go in with an exit strategy. Be like Brewster. Accumulate no assets. Then if the bitch acts up you can be gone in the wind and she gets nothing.
The ‘gold band’ wedding ring is only symbolic. Originally the ‘ring’ wasn’t made of gold, but instead they used a piece of circular skin leftover from the male’s circumcision. The spent and removed foreskin is a round donut shaped piece of flesh that looks somewhat like a halved chopped black olive at the salad bar. You wonder where all the foreskins from the jewish mohels go or from the newly circumcised muslims? Well, the old saying ”she’s got him wrapped around her finger” is a carry over from ancient matriarchal cultures who practiced circumcision. It’s really a form of VOO-DOO when you take a piece of a person’s skin and ritualize it into an amulet to be worn. When worn on the body, the person gains sexual and mental powers and control over the motor functions of the person from whom the piece of body matter was removed from. That explicitly describes the working dynamics behind traditional voo-doo. The foreskins dried looked kind of like the tan o-ring gasket around the neck of a transmission dipstick line. They were stretchable and could be worn like jewelry around the finger.
Fascinating comment, thank you gent.
KUCKERBERG!
Wow, what a douchebag!
This
That reeks of insecurity, on behalf of Mr Musk.
The game is to be sold not to be told, meaning that you have to be a leader not tell people that you are.
Snooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop
Click, click, clak clak clickclak clak click
Snooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop
*Synth*
Lord Tywin.
The role of the man is to make the right decisions; the role of the woman is to back him up. She has to trust that he’ll make the right decisions, and he has to trust that she’ll back him up. I’m not sure if that’s something you have to discuss prior to getting married, or something you just reinforce when you can and as needed.
Don’t ever get married. The current legal system in America is stacked against you by design and your wife can legally divorce rape you at any time for any reason, or for no reason. Your wife will know going into the marriage that she legally has all the power and that you have no real authority.
Your personal authority won’t mean shit the first time your wife strongly disagrees with one of your decisions and decides to exercise the legal power that she knows she’s had from the beginning.
i had planned to write such a book as the author of this article. But i realized it was too idealistic for the modern world and dumped the idea.
I would 100% Agree do not get married. The funny thing is women get married in general today at the wrong ages yet expect us to bear the divorce risk, what exactly am i gaining from modern marriage as a man.I tried to find three things but i could not. there were less risky alternatives.
Correct. There is no benefit in marriage.
There is no amount of being “alpha” or being a “leader” that can change the fact that your balls are in a vice once you marry.
She ultimately has the power of state should she decide to divorce.
No amount of being “alpha” changes that.
This is my first comment on ROK. Excellent article and a great initiative to write a book about this topic. I am 35 now and have enjoyed the red pill for about five years. But just like Roosh i feel its time to build something more then collecting notches in my belt. I am together with a girl ten years younger than me since a year back. Now i am considering starting a family with her and this book is exactly what i need from a fellow neomasculinist. I am also working to spred our values in my own country where it is needed more than anywhere else. Thanks for your efforts and thanks to ROK. Greetings from Sweden
Welcome. Good to see you found Red Pill Knowledge so early! Now’s the time to start that familly while your woman is young.
You have an uphill battle to spread your values but perhaps a proper conservative party will come along and try to fix Sweeden..
Cheers from Canada
That’s how you change the world.
This whole article is nonsense mostly.
Sure you can try to be “alpha” or pretend to be the “leader” in a marriage.
But the reality is the LAWS are in the favor of the female, even with a prenup.
If you marry a female that you are PAYING FOR or have more assets than, you become her bitch whenever she wants a divorce. Its really that simple.
She gets alimony, half the assets, etc.
The only way to remain the “head of the household” is to avoid marriage.
You’re a coward – that’s why you’d be her bitch in marriage.
My wife is smart enough to know not to fuck with me.
LOL cool story bro. You sound like you can do shaming language better than Ellen Degenerate. Very “alpha” of you.
Everyone is he man online.
You’re trying to convince people to be afraid of women and law. You cannot insult me after such an appalling statement, and then a suggestion that it takes He-man to keep a wife in line?! LOL. Grow a set of fucking balls!
Im not “afraid” of the law, I just won’t participate in an area that will fuck me over.
You sound like a weak mangina feminist that thinks some bullshit shaming language is going to change a logical opinion.
Most Western women are degenerate whores who don’t deserve to get married in the first place.
The few that are good should be put on a short leash so that they don’t turn bad from the vast majority of whores that they will see on Facebook, Instagram, Oprah, etc.
The only power the man can use as leverage is avoidance of marriage. She will understand she will get far less from him if she “breaks up” when not married.
When you get married, you lose all leverage.
Got it mangina?
beau batchelor = keyboard alpha
Are you afraid of women, too?
Marriage helps bind a woman to you. I’m married, and I’m not in the least bit afraid of the things you speak of – I know they won’t happen. Obviously, I possess something you do not.
You sound quite afraid of women and law, and this is an undeniable air of incompetence. Do you even have any children? You don’t seem capable of reproduction.
I will have my children out of wedlock
I have stated this already
I think you’ll find you have even less power that way…
I disagree.
You have more power than the guy who was divorced an lost custody of his children.
And here goes the whole “men should not get married because the system is set up against them” argument.
Look either get married or don’t marry. Both are fine. Truth is most men will marry at least one time in their life. Just be aware of the advantages and disadvantages to what is marriage before you do it (and there are probably more disadvantages these days to advantages).
Divorce sucks.
Living as as single guy in your 40’s is sort of creepy to a lot of people (unless you are openly gay).
Being single and doing whatever you want whenever you want is a pretty cool concept.
Having a wife and the stability of relying on another person also works well for some men.
I could go on and on. I’m sure you get the point. There are tons of decisions you can make in life. Just be informed about those decisions before you make them and go on living life. There is no secret roadmap on how to live the perfect life.
How about having children out of wedlock while living with her in a NON common law state? At most you have to pay child support.
There is no stability in marriage. She can leave at any point for any reason. The only thing you sign in the marriage contract is that you are responsible with half your assets and alimony. When you include lawyer fees, you’re net worth drops by approximately 80%.
Plenty of “stable” men have lost everything from a wife who cheated on him or dumped him when he got sick.
If the society allows for transgendered men, homosexual “marriage”, etc. why not for single men? Fuck being “creepy”.
I am 36 years old without any job issues due to being “single”. No one gives a shit anymore. This isn’t the 1950s anymore.
Bottom line, the law is setup that you are unable to be an “alpha leader” of your family in marriage.
You can be the “alpha leader” as long as your wife approves. Once she decides she doesn’t like you telling her what to do, she just has to threaten divorce. You become her bitch unless you want to lose your assets, pay alimony, pay lawyers, lose 80% of your net worth etc.
If she decides to fuck some other dude in your own house, you can’t do anything about it. She can literally fuck some stripper or pool boy, divorce your ass, take your house, assets, etc. with the help of the state.
What is your “alpha” ass going to do then?
Nothing.
All it takes is for some feminist “friends” of hers to say that you are being an “abusive patriarchal” jerk and she will decide that you aren’t the leader anymore. Or she can just watch Oprah and Ellen Degenerate to learn that you are a “sexist” for attempting to “lead”
Things often change. People are not static entities. Even a nice traditional woman can change after 10 years and a few kids.
So, you think an alpha can be cast down by a mere woman’s threat?! LOL! Dude, that’s not an alpha! It’s a sissy!
She has the state backing her up in case of divorce.
Your an omega compared to the state and a beta/omega when it comes to the social hierarchy and wealth hierarchy.
Ergo, your dumbass opinion really isn’t beneficial.
But what can the state really do? She can’t take the house if I burn it down. She can’t take my money if I hide it. She can’t take the kids if she doesn’t even know what country they’re in. And the state doesn’t have the resources nor mechanisms to deal with such aggressive behavior. Basically, if she crosses me, the most she’ll get is a pile of ashes.
Any man can prepare for this if he has reason to believe his wife is against him. And if you want full custody over your kids legally, I point out that “kidnapping” your own kids isn’t illegal in Thailand and many other countries. There’s no custody battles here outside of kidnapper takes all. Just transfer your money into a foreign bank account, then come to a place like Thailand with your kids and get a job teaching English and find a new young wife. Leave your wife with ashes wishing she hadn’t fucked with an alpha.
This is what you’re not getting. You’re not thinking aggressively. You’ve resigned yourself to defeat before the war’s even begun. Dude, with that attitude, you WILL be facing a divorce!
So I should destroy my assets/everything I worked for to “leave her with ashes”.
Why get myself into that situation in the first place? I rather keep my shit for myself.
In your other reply you asked why get married? The answer is because many men have an instinctive drive to pair-bond and reproduce.
I’m not saying my situation would come to burning houses down. Look, you’re using the worst divorce scenarios imaginable to support your argument for not getting married. Well, I’m doing the same thing to my wife, so to say – for her, divorce (and especially hostile divorce where she tries to cheat me) is so terrifying that she’d never dare consider it.
Now, I haven’t actually threatened her or anything, but she knows me well enough to know that the only way she’ll get what she wants is through polite and civil compromise with me… and ironically, that’s why she wouldn’t want to divorce me to begin with, because a granted wish is only a polite request away.
Now, if you reproduce outside of wedlock, you DO face an added disadvantage. Whilst marriage has its risks, it’s also true that not being married won’t affect custody battles at all. This might seem like a neutral point; however, if you’re not married then you’ll find your children’s mother harder to control given she has no inherent obligation to be loyal to you. This means she can more easily leave, and just as easily rob your children from you. It’s undeniably a better option to develop a stronger relationship to prevent this, and marriage is an appropriate tool for this end
Ok well we can agree to disagree
“It is only after 1960 that we began to see the erosion of this masculine ideal in Western countries with the rise of feminism.”
This statement could not be more wrong. This “erosion” is as old as man and woman:
“Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you.” Genesis 3:16 NASB
Part of the curse on Eve was that she would desire to rule over her husband. With the decline of Christianity, thus the increase of spiritually bankrupt women, we see the rise of feminism which is a new word for a very old reality: fleshly women who seek to rule over men.
Because so many people today reject the Bible (to their own disadvantage), and prefer to look anywhere but there for answers, these recurring truths and their answers remain largely forgotten in history while people desperately try to reinvent the wheel to solve major “new” issues like feminism.
“That which has been is that which will be, And that which has been done is that which will be done. So there is nothing new under the sun. Is there anything of which one might say, “See this, it is new”? Already it has existed for ages Which were before us. There is no remembrance of earlier things; And also of the later things which will occur, There will be for them no remembrance Among those who will come later still.” Ecclesiasties 1:9 NASB
Man’s inherent, genetic, sinful nature does not change. Man murders, lies, steals, worships idols, etc. the exact same way today that he did from the beginning. The only difference is the level of technology available for him to act out his unchangeable programming. Evolution is fiction.
Feminism is nothing new:
“Then all the men who were aware that their wives were burning sacrifices to other gods, along with all the women who were standing by, as a large assembly, including all the people who were living in Pathros in the land of Egypt, responded to Jeremiah, saying, As for the message that you have spoken to us in the name of Yahweh, we are not going to listen to you!” Jeremiah 44:15-16 NASB
Feminism, among a multitude of other moral deficiencies (sins), during the time this was recorded by Jeremiah eventually resulted in the civilization collapse of Jerusalem and Judea and conquest by the Babylonians around 586 BC.
“O My people! Their oppressors are children, And women rule over them. O My people! Those who guide you lead you astray And confuse the direction of your paths.” – Isaiah 3:12
Different prophet, same theme, same result.
“If there’s one thing you learn from history; it’s that people don’t learn from history.”
So true
Good post.
The Western world is equivalent to Sodom and Gemorrah. It will be replaced by a patriarchal civilization in a few generations at most.
This is a great post.
There is no discussion of how a many can remain a “leader” of the household when the wife decides she doesn’t approve of it anymore.
He is the “leader” as long as the wife approves. If her feminist friends convince her differently (or she watches Oprah, Ellen, etc) and changes her mind, he can’t do a damn thing.
She can just divorce his ass.
Dont be naive.
Please explain to me why my simple “This is great post” spurred you to write a 7 line reply ending with a admonition not to be naive.
Because the post itself basically argues the fallacy that a man can be a “leader” in modern Western marriage.
Legally this is false. His “leadership” occurs as long as the female permits it.
Ergo, this isn’t “leadership” because its dependent on her choice.
How does having the freedom of choice negate leadership? Of course she can choose not to follow, just as he can choose to stop leading her.
Moot ass point.
She has the ultimate power in marriage.
Your “leadership” means shit when she decides to not follow it.
What are you going to do when she decides that she doesn’t want to follow your “leadership”? Your dumbass will pay her half you assets, alimony, etc. if you try to control her.
She will also deem you “abusive”. The courts will side with her when she claims you were “controlling” when you try to exert dominance in marriage.
Furthermore, if she cheats on you, she will blame you for being “controlling and abusive” thinking you “own her”.
Leadership doesn’t override the overall feminist culture. Doesn’t take much to influence women. They follow the herd mostly. When the overall culture of women decide to tell her you are “abusive” and she realizes that she has the power over you, good luck.
Don’t be fooled.
Not sure about the US but in Europe there are some legal quirks that can be used. If my wife would divorce me, she would not be able to take anything from me as legally it’s my property not hers based on my ownership prior to getting married. Secondly in the country where I am alimony is all but unheard of. Thirdly she would loose residency permits instantly and with it any access to benefits or a right to stay here. She could fight that but afaik people only win if they can prove strong ties like owning a business, which she can’t.
I don’t know the European laws. They sound far better.
If everything you say is true, then that changes my opinion on marriage in Europe.
Since the man has some leverage, he can exert leadership.
Without leverage, there is no leadership
This is partially to do with my wife being from Asia, and I set her residence permit up to be linked to us staying married. If we divorce her permit is automatically void and she is not allowed to stay in Europe. She knows this as well, and I’m virtually her legal guardian. I’m required by the residence permit type actually.
But the stuff I hear regularly about the laws in the US is wacky weird, most of all the asset split and alimony parts… The ones in Europe I know are quite different, no alimony, and no split of pre owned assets or clearly designated assets like if I buy a car and only I use it, I keep it.
I think the marriage laws, even in feminist places like Sweden, are far better than USA.
USA has all of the old “chivalry” laws the benefit women while also instituting feminist laws to the benefit of women.
Therefore, they have the benefits in both manners while men get shit on both through “traditional” laws when it benefits women and “feminist” laws when it benefits women.
White American men have been weak manginas that have let their laws get changed to such a bad state.
You have a point. But I think what he was trying to say is that you should be the kind of man she will want to follow.
Eh Sweden is bat country… Dead nuclear waste dump or so – I was born there, got out when I was 10, went back to check the state of it and it was a war zone.
I live in NL now, lived for some time in Finland and Italy.
Here people have some political parties that are straight up Catholic Church controlled and they keep most of the bullshit out. Believe it or not but life isn’t bad here… If you are a foreigner with permanent status you can import a girl from anywhere and set up a thing where her residence status is dependent on your relationship, this is actually a cost savings measure because when your wife or girlfriend has that permit you cosign and are responsible for her. This kind of permit is for import wives of non Dutch full rights holders hehe, so locals can’t get by that easily.
But after all it makes sense, the government of the Netherlands doesn’t want to bother with my wife not speaking Dutch, but since I do and am an EU citizen with full rights and ample income they have a residency permit where by she is “my problem” not the governments. I have to sign for it too, and the burden of proof was on me, not her :-).
Yeah it seems like the Anglo countries, Nordic countries and Germany are committing feminist suicide.
Eastern Europe and some Mediterranean countries are doing better.
However, the birth rates are still ridiculously low.
Yes but what happens when she decides she doesn’t want to follow anymore in 15 years?
I suppose, but there must always be a leader, she sure as fuck wont be. Yeah it’s rigged, we can only try stack the cards in our favour though. That’s the game our fathers have signed us up for.
You treat it as something inevitable :/
It’s a bit more complex than grouping them like this. The Netherlands is doing much better in terms of laws and birth rate and many other aspects than Germany which is right next to it. It seems more connected to local culture than general culture, Germans are forever apologists for nazi Germany’s actions during WW2 and therefore have an over feminized über pacifist attitude, other countries do not..
Nordic countries are not uniform at all, Sweden is a dump, Denmark and Norway both have their good and bad sides but very much feminist tendencies, Finland on the other hand is much more traditional and still has a lot of families where the wife doesn’t work, which is very rare in most of Western Europe.
Everyone of those countries are dying from a demographic point of view. Some are doing a LITTLE better than others. Not much though.
Women are malleable. They run on emotions. The legal system is (in theory) based on logic. They’ll use it IF you keep her in a constant state of either Bad or Good Feelz. The emotional roller coaster ride is important in a relationship, just as much as in game.
Leadership doesn’t actually reside in some formal structure, except at work or in the military. It actually resides in one’s ability to influence people to do the things that he wants. If you can influence your wife successfully on most or all important matters, it doesn’t matter how the courts are structured.
Cool story bro.
A woman’s feelings change constantly. You have no assurance that you can remain “alpha” and a “leader” over many years of marriage.
Her feelings can change in 10 years. She might decide to fuck some other dude, spend money on frivolous stuff, never cook/clean, etc.
What are you going to do about it?
How will you exert your “leadership” if she decides to change her opinion?
She has the ultimate power not you.
Let’s see, 25th wedding anniversary coming up this year.
She cooks and cleans, we have lots of money and no real debt, her base demeanor is still cheerful most of the time, and we’re doing pretty well actually.
So yeah, I think I have the formula down…bro.
You’re an old man then or you got married at a very young age to a virginal/close to virginal female.
Totally different generation of women these days. The vast majority of women want to marry in their late 20s to 30s after getting fucked by many men.
I know plenty of guys in their 70s that have been married for 40+ years.
Also, I can always point out an exception but the rule still remains.
If I play Russian Roulette with 4/6 chambers loaded, pull the trigger without shooting myself, does that make it a smart move?
That’s what I’ve been trying to tell Joe. He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand there’s a third factor involved. There’s the woman, there’s the law, and the third factor is the man. Which factor do you think is the most dominating? (Joe thinks the woman is the most dominating LOL!)
Well done, man
Well yeah but legalities seems his main issue, in other comments he said he would reconsider if what I said about legalities in Europe was true
The trick is obviously marrying a younger woman, then, isn’t it? There’s a new batch of 18 year olds every year to choose from.
Why is it you think you have to wait until the woman is ready before getting married? You’re speaking Beta again. CONVINCE an 18 year old to marry you when YOU’RE ready, fool
It’s still beta shit, though. I’m married in Thailand. I have absolutely no fucking idea what divorce laws are here! I just don’t care. Why in the fucking world would my wife consider divorcing me in the first place? Joe sounds like a man who considers himself very divorcible to women
Hahahahahahaha yes! Why be a divorcible man? Haha I know for sure my wife wouldn’t dare hehehe… I got married in NL where I live because it was cheaper… Wife is Japanese
You sir have won the cup from where all these given away internets are taken.
I don’t care to marry period.
Betas gonna beta.
Lol married in Thailand. The laws are in the favor in men in Thailand. I’m speaking about America.
Most men reading this website are American not Thai.
I’m not Thai, either, but as I explain in the other reply to you, it isn’t difficult to come out of a divorce with everything and her with nothing if you’re smart and aggressive, and an American using Thailand’s laws for refuge is one such option.
The goal is the simple task of avoiding a divorce altogether, however. You frankly sound like a MGTOW with how skittish you are in the face of women
I don’t want to have to run to Thailand.
Why get married?
Thats the dumbest thing i ever heard. Where I lived girls were already givin up the puss in middle school.
I’m not an idiot, damn you. The point is to find a girl who’s taken FEWER cocks (and potentially 0) because she’ll be less ruined by the culture and more suitable to pair-bond.
Honestly, what’s your alternative advice? It’s too hard so just give up?! I’m not a quitter, man.
I know it’s hard in this world, but giving up never made a winner; and I do go to lengths long enough to back up my words. Right now, I live in rural Thailand and I’m hitting on my 14 year old neighbor. I’m not trying to fuck her – she’s poor and a virgin and hot, so I’m going to offer her a choice soon to keep her virginity until she’s 18 and in exchange I’ll take her back West with me when I go / a better life, you know. I honestly think I’ve already got her.
It is harder than ever to find a suitable wife, but still not impossible, okay
What you’re telling me is why you will fail.
Im ok to “fail” when it comes to marriage by not playing.
You gotta be kidding me with what you just wrote. Yeah, let’s all run to Thailand and do some Chomo business. Give your head a shake.
And generations of boys and girls were raised to believe that men and
women were equal in every way except for the surface level differences
of their sex organs.
Far and away the biggest farce that I was sold early in life. Took me far too long to overcome and replace this belief system with something that resembled reality. But better late than never I guess.
Great article. I have read some crappy books on marriage (cough Ken Nair cough cough), but you summed up the best advice simply and succinctly.
Good one.
Best method towards marriage:
Don’t do it. There is zero benefit for a male in marriage and all risk.
If you want to have children, there is benefit. Other than that, you’re correct.
Even with children, its better to live together in non common law marriage states.
Then you remain with significant leverage over the female, especially if you have a family trust.
Once you co-mingle assets, its game over.
Don’t ever give up your leverage to a woman.
True leaderships can only be found if the man has significant leverage.
Without that, women will lose respect in the long run.
Impressive article, almost all impressive comments. I’m officially a fan. My first ever recommended discussion on disqus. Where are the mangina and feminazi trolls?
Give it a moment and my experience says they’ll come 🙂 welcome.
amazing! We also need to state that husband is the leader by the fact. So sad that lots of men are not leaders at all…
Submissive wife = happy life
A prostitute can f’ you … doesn’t mean she wants to.
This a great article, thank you. It could actually help the young ones too. Talking about marriage…I just saw that Hulk Hogan lawyers killed gawker.
Can we have a coverage about it on ROK soon? I don’t like gossip crap but this could put one of the feminist bastion down.
Your article is nothing but weak advertising for your book.
If I am taking the few ideas you presented here as reference for your book, it does not look all too good. At least you did realize how much you sucked earlier and what a weakling wussy you had been. Thats good.
Now that you are 40% less wussy you are living under the false impression you are sort of an expert when it comes to marriages. You are not.
Let me ask you a few basic questions to give you a general idea what I am even talking about:
1) Children
How many children do you have? How did your sex life change during pregnancy/breast feeding/the first 3-5 years when they demand lots of attention?
2) Wife
How hot is she today, compared to the day you met her. Same weight? Sexy cloths? Still wearing heels when you two go out? How did your sex scedule change over the years? Still 3-5 times a week with both of your having one to several orgasms each time you fuck? Having natural child birth did have any effect on that?
3) Age
How did age, spending 10+ or even 20+ years together change the marriage? What about personal changes? Like times without employment. Times with money problems. Times with health problems?
These are just a few, very general questions that will bother you over the course of your marriage. Some people will face some of these questions, other all of them and more. How about you? You have no idea about most of them but yet you write a book about the matter. Creepy.
Way to not have an argument of any sort but trying to make it look like you do…
Anyone who has opinions on the matter and feel like writing a book about it should! You are some sort of regressive book burning primitivist, or at least that’s the only thing a rational person can extract from your comment.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with someone who is unmarried writing about marriage even, get a grip on reality!
Another irritating feminist lie is that women were given away like a commodity in traditional marriages, suggesting that they were forced into an arranged marriage, but this isn’t true, in Christendom the woman had to give her consent for the marriage to be legal. The only arranged marriages in Christendom were between Royalty for political reasons, these were the exception.
Sure but I’d add that arranged marriages are not slavery or even close to it. Most of them work out much better than so called love marriages. In an arranged marriage both parties know exactly what is expected of them and it’s based primarily on practical logical things not sexual desire or feelings of infatuation.
Well, we know that most women marry for more than just love anyway, and many people get married just for the sake of not wanting to be alone, so it’s not far off.
It is possible both for the marriage to be arranged, and for consent to be given. When a daughter willingly obeys the decision her father has made for her in marriage, she is truly consenting. Consent doesn’t have to mean that it was all her idea, or that it’s exactly what she wants; in fact, that’s what the “con” in “consent” means – it means “to agree WITH,” i.e., with a decision or fact already accomplished.
Historically marriages have usually been arranged, even in Western cultures, and I think that’s for the best. It reminds us that marriage is a partnership done in service to society, for the purpose of channeling human sexuality in a productive way, assuring the next generation is raised in an atmosphere of chaste commitment and charity. Marriage should NOT be thought of, as a romantic indulgence that caters to the whims of two private persons; this is an ultimately selfish idea of marriage, and from it has sprung the contraceptive culture and the gay marriage movement (if marriage is just “two people who love each other,” why not “gay marriage”).
Matchmakers often played a role in this, because they were able to match people up in ways that took account of such sensitive issues as wealth, character, reputation, etc., sparing families from getting into direct confrontations over such issues. Thus, even young men were often consenting to a match already arranged, or largely arranged by other persons. It would be a mistake to think that only women were being asked to consent to arrangements made by their elders and community.
Well put, specifically about what the purpose of marriage is, and it is indeed primarily to serve as a stable independent unit that is a constructive part of society. The modern western ideas of romantic love and passion are bullshit and contrary to a stable society.
Also, in the past you had much higher general compatibility between marriage age population because most people weren’t fat or sluts or über nerds or any of these subculture things we have today, so there was less probability of wide differences between expectations and reality.
Boy, that’s the truth. A guy and gal that could have been compatible for each other in another time, will now never meet because he’s doing Cosplay at Comicon and she’s sandwiched between obese hipsters at a cuddle party.
Just as traditional schools require uniforms precisely because it forces students to develop their authentic individuality and character (rather than delude themselves into thinking that their fashion or hairstyles are an “expression” of themselves), a unified culture is a place where individuals’ characteristics stand out with the most charm. The proliferation of all these subcultures is a symptom of rampant conformity amongst people who are desperate to seem like non-conformists.
Nicely expounded, and i must agree that the current model is a disaster. I often think about how many of the old and great families that would have put much effort into securing their survival in former ages, have now been reduced to nothing because the contemporary son or daughter was given license to deviate from the right path.
books on a the wishlist right now. Looking forward to reading it.
Good article.
I especially appreciate the comment that the “tyrant” model is an unfair and ahistorical mischaracterization of the reality of male dominance. It can’t be pointed out enough, that the whole reason men work, is because they love their wives and kids and feel a desire and a duty to provide for them. For the average man, the greatest contentment in life, is coming home to the castle he built/paid for, to be greeted by his wife and kids, with a hot meal waiting (well, that and getting away from the house with his buddies every now and then, too; the balance helps the man to appreciate both). He lives for that. Do women have any idea how much that tugs on a man’s heart-strings? How much he adores a wife who is kind, industrious and obviously cares about him, takes care of him? I mean, for whose sake is he working all day, if not for hers? Who does he look forward to seeing all day, if not her, and his kids?
Men aren’t complicated; they aren’t devoid of emotions, though we strive to control the way they are displayed; we aren’t mean, beady-eyed tyrants who want to come home and hate-f*$k our domestic slaves before commanding them to bake another pie and make another sammich and shut the kids up, already, for criminy’s sake. Men, as a general rule, love their wives and kids, and want to love their wives and kids, and take their greatest contentment in an happy home and the sense that they have taken care of the people they love.
How women were tricked into thinking that “independence” is the great prize of having a day job, is beyond me. Men weren’t working in order to be “independent.” We were working precisely in order to intertwine our lives with others – to afford a wife and an home, to provide all we could for our families. This one fact alone, should explode all the lies we are told about the sexes. Men have a greater, interior sense of emotional independence, which is important because we have to make the important decisions, and should do so dispassionately. But even then, our goal in life is to provide for others and take our contentment in a life lived with them. Women seemed eager to jump at this bait of “independence,” making me wonder why they are seen as the more compassionate and loving and relating sex. It’s inhuman, working for the sake of “independence.”
Obviously, they were made for a life lived with others, too. Which is why they grow more miserable every year since the sexual revolution. It would be so easy for all of us to wake up from this nightmare one morning, admit we want to be dependent on each other, and throw this Modernist, Feminist garbage out with the rest of the trash.
Very true and it cannot be said enough. I’ve read your comment many times over wondering what I could add, and I have to say very little.
I do however think that some more detail could be benefited from by others reading, and that is that the feminists who push the beady eyed tyrant idea never stop to think about how much effort and aggravation it actually would be for a men to act that way consistently…
Not to mention that men are usually not very good at maintaining greatly differing public personas, so it would show all the time, and everywhere if it were to be truly common.
Curiosity, they say, kills the cat, A cocaine addiction is fatal but hard to break. Such is the case with paychecks for women. If you must help, you must violently apply the therapy. But who will bell the cat? She will tear your eyes out! Such as I am currently facing with my wife. Always mourning her day-job that I asked her to leave so she can take care of the children. Never mind that she had not for one day, gone hungry since then.
So, in reference only to Christians, exactly what does the Bible say about Male Leadership? Most churches say if a man leads, his wife will submit.
The Bible in three places disagrees with that. In two places it says it is better to (sleep on a roof; or sleep in the desert) than be married to a contentious wife. Those verses would be a perfect place to tell me to gain submission by just leading. It does not because men cannot lead a rebellious argumentative woman.
The third place says he who can control a contentious woman can control the winds and hold oil in his right hand.
The Bible does not tell men to lead. It tells women to submit. Feminist Christians twist that around for Man Fault. Makes wimpy pastors and deacons feel real manly.
I have a son-in-law who says that if a man leads his wife will submit. My daughter is a terrible shrew. You can hear her screams of rage a block away. Yet, on Sunday she trots in to church, where he is a deacon, and announces she is a submissive wife.
The Koran does say a man can force his wife to submit. A man I know who lived in a Muslim country says the existence of honor killings totally disproves this.
“I have a son-in-law who says that if a man leads his wife will submit. My daughter is a terrible shrew. You can hear her screams of rage a block away. Yet, on Sunday she trots in to church, where he is a deacon, and announces she is a submissive wife.”
I’ve seen this a lot. Religious girl who wears it as a badge of honor how submissive she is, yet she is completely running the show. Guy’s going along with it, who knows, maybe he’s too afraid to think any different. I shake my head at it, thinking, “can you not see reality in front of your face?” The funny thing is, I know in her forebrain she actually believes herself to be submissive. I guess a female’s tendency to self-deceive shouldn’t surprise me. Every time I see a situation like this it’s with a weak/stupid man though, and it’s like they’re acting out a religious fantasy where he is the “head of the household,” which has no connection to actual reality.
The first half of the article is great but the “personal authority” stuff is nonsense. I don’t care what some management theory says. All authority is positional. If a nasty woman expects you to dance like a monkey to impress her before she will follow you then get the fuck out.
The man is either in charge or not. If she decides whether or not he is in charge based on his behaviour, then I have news for you sucker, she is in charge! She is deciding, based on her assessment of his behaviour, weather or not he is in charge.
Forget this “personal authority” nonsense and the rest of the article is fine. It’s positional authority or nothing. It is the woman’s responsibility to except that, or else she will not have a patriarchal relationship. This is very important because there are many women who do genuinely wish for a traditional patriarchal family with all the security, order, peace and happiness it can bring. But if you tell them that this “personal authority” nonsense counts as partriarchy then you are setting them up for a horrible failure. They, as the assessor and decision maker of the acceptability of the mans behaviour, will find them self as the matriarch and they miss out all together on the patriarchy that they wished for.
The only way for a woman to achieve a patriarchal family is to submit to the POSITIONAL authority of her husband. Don’t lie to them. They need the truth and this must be established at the beginning of the relationship.
Personal authority does exist and isn’t positional unless you want to conflate ability and position which to me would seem bizarre.
Personal authority comes from proven ability, and willingness to apply it to simplify, it’s being the most competent and successful at the broadest range of topics.
That said your other points are true, of men only a few percent actually attain that, so with respect to marriage it should be about position and nothing else.
Yes, a man has to earn my submission. The bible says wives submit to your husbands.. but it also says in the next verse husbands be willing to die for your wives. If you show me that you put my best interests in front of everything, even your own and your willing to die protecting me… and get out there and work hard to support me and our children … then no i wont ever tell you what to do… it is my job then to ENCOURAGE your relationship with god that you may guide yourself to the best answers for the both of us. ALSO ladies dont ever show this kind of submission to a boyfriend … if he’s not your husband then he hasnt earned your submission
Well said and interesting part about encouraging your husbands relationship with God. My wife does that a fair bit, but I didn’t connect it with any particular reason. Until now I thought it a bit odd that she pushed for me to always be more active and involved than she herself is, but now it does make sense to me, as she also looks to me for guidance. I think it’s an important point to make.
Also id like to add that im not married however the convo has began to come up more and more with my boyfriend. We have been talking about what roles we will play and what not and we realized we had very different opinions. So i started talking to my mom and stepdad about their marriage and they were telling us how we were looking at marriage from a social perspective instead of a religious one. They’ve realy been schooling us lately lol. The hardest part for us i think will be the financial compromising. How do you get used to that when you’ve always been independant?
Well in my case I’m working, my wife is not, and so she asks me if its ok to buy something that isn’t a necessity or so. Usually the answer will be yes of course.
But I think you have to realize and get to terms with the fact that being married means sharing even when you maybe would not want to. So you have to give up on being able to always choose what even money you get as a performance bonus is used for. That’s how it is, at least for men.
To my wife I’ve said we can have nice things but not new ones all the time, so if that’s what she wants, she has to go find some form of income and pay for it herself, which I think is fair.
I would add that I think you should look at marriage in a mostly non romantic way, like is this guys level of competitiveness enough for you…
The thing I have to say is I don’t really believe much in the boyfriend girlfriend thing… It should be a brief period relatively, to be followed with an engagement and then a wedding.
I have done both the more modern bf/gf thing as well as the traditional way and I think personally that unless you have very specific personal requirements the quicker way to the wedding is better, otherwise it’s likely to never happen.
I’ve had 3 long term girlfriends who later wanted me to marry them but by then I had seen their flaws without being bound, and I couldn’t.
My wife was very clear, I was not to continue talking with her if I didn’t intend to marry her. Hehehe, that is perhaps a bit funny…
If she doesn’t act submissive when I’m dating her, why would I marry her?
Because its not wise to run around playing the role of the wife when you aren’t one yet. Im sure you wouldnt add your girlfriend to your bank account and your just dating.
So, when will she “train up” to begin playing the role of the wife? Who says she can’t postpone indefinitely? Will you buy a house simply because the present owner put a sign up that says. “Two storey building, but yet to complete the decking”?
Once you say
I do ” you are to behave as a wife regardless of what he is dong. You are not a worthy woman for the title of wife.
Well the good news for you is you dont have to marry me. So say no more, i just solved your issue 🙂
Not my issue the issue is yours and marriage. Get a cat.
Prove its not ur issue. Dont respond anymore lol
I have no problem with male headship in MARRIAGE Get your cat from a shelter.
Lmbo.. im lost as to what we are even talking about anymore but you seem bored/lonely if MY marriage aspects bother you so much .. some advice for you, adopt a pet.. a cat for instance?
men don’t adopt cats a better response would be a dog
This book looks like kakka to me.
By law there is no such thing as male leadership. Every woman in the west knows it.
You’re married? Really? I think you’re imagining things, because no woman would even consider marrying someone as depraved as you, unless they were under serious duress.
I’m female (please no hate), and I’m not against this idea at all. I believe that men SHOULD take leadership in a marriage – it’s natural for men to assert authority over women and to make the important decisions. I hope one day I will find a man who will take me as his wife, provide for and protect me, while I have children and look after the home.
This is fucking sickening. None of you that support this are men. You’re disgusting, worthless excuses for humans. Treat your woman like your equal. If she wants you to make all the decisions, that’s cool too (my wife does). But how dare you fucking pigs try to brainwash and dominate your “loved one”. You slime balls should be hanged.
So guys, should we respond to trolls who’ve nothing but insults to offer?
Man leads…. woman follows…. everybody wins