The Tango Is Sexist, Patriarchal, And A Perfect Complement To Your Game

I was at my tango class one evening, a hobby I’ve recently started. The only other person was a new girl—we’ll call her Therese. Therese claimed that she had recently moved to the area and was taking a year off of school before starting college. You could tell she was a virgin just by looking at her. Modestly dressed and drenching in timidity. She was cute in that library nerd kind of way, as though she had been ignored all through high school.

LASIK surgery could produce a romcom scenario where she’s a different person as soon as she takes off her glasses. The kind of girl that the most ruthless Casanova would feel guilty to fornicate with. This is the part of the country that occasionally still produces this kind of girl, despite the high teen pregnancy rate. And even though Therese had no work or education accomplishments to speak of, her fragility triggered a primal instinct in me, and I found myself very attracted.

If we taught every person to tango, feminism would end in a generation

I am not a physically large person in any definition of the word, but I know how to command a physical presence when dancing. For her part, Therese was so tiny that she would have tipped over had I yawned in her direction. When we began the dance, I held her with a firm but gentle weight, non-verbally letting her know that I was in complete control. She could not have stepped away if she wanted to.

This is the nature of the tango. The man controls everything without saying a word, and the woman is to naturally follow his cues hardly thinking about it. And in the woman doing exactly as the man communicates and nothing more, the two become one. You can feel a major difference between ballroom dancing with a feminist and ballroom dancing with a shy girl, even if the feminist doesn’t reflexively back-lead her own turns (which she will).

The tango is such a dance of seduction that the instructor described it as “a stalking dance.” Likely Therese watches Dancing With The Stars like every other female in America and wanted to try it herself. Maybe she would meet her own olive-skinned man to make her Disney fantasies come true.

Learning tango and general ballroom dance is one of the best things you can do to improve your game. Other nights I had invited several of my male law school friends to take the class with me, and they all dismissed it by saying, “I don’t dance.” This is code for “I’m lazy, boring, and insecure. I assume I will eventually have the love of a woman by virtue of merely wanting it.” I myself have no rhythm or coordination, but I don’t allow myself to make excuses when it comes to increasing my sexual marketplace value.

A brief lesson in game

Spend $30 on two or three tango classes. Buy a cheap Willem Haenraets painting of the tango. Mine was $20 from Burlington Coat Factory, and it looks like a real painting instead of a print. Invite a girl over for dinner (since women like a man who can do everything they can do better). While it’s cooking, make sure she notices the painting. Tell her, “The tango is such a beautiful dance. Do you know how?… Oh, you don’t? Well then, let me teach you.” Then you’ve won, and you will have power over her like Charles Manson.

You can be terrible at the tango, and she won’t notice. Or if she does notice, she won’t care, because you’ve set yourself apart from every other man she will ever meet. All you need to know is the most basic moves. That first promenade or corte is when she’ll fall in love.

Ballroom dancing is one of the easiest and most efficient ways to make a date want to drop her panties. Add in basic rumba, waltz, swing, and cha-cha, and you can have the notch count of King Solomon. All women have a Disney princess fantasy about going to the ball. All women want to have sex on prom night. I say appease the women and give them what they want.

The tango is considered a harder dance to learn, so it is best to go to an instructor for a few weeks. There are plenty of videos online, but you do not get the benefit on an angry Russian woman berating you for your every move. The other four dances can easily be picked up online, especially since much of the posture and movement from tango is applied.

Still, there are definite differences, and a few classes at a studio go a long way for any of the dances. Plus, it helps to have someone to practice on. Class lessons are often inexpensive since the market is so small.

My other favorite is rumba, but waltz, swing, and cha-cha are good catch-all dances to know. Tango makes a woman feel seduced, rumba makes her feel sensual, and waltz makes her feel beautiful. Swing and cha-cha can be used for about any fast-paced music, and you’ll be the only one in the club who looks like he knows what he’s doing. With both of them, you can easily give a woman a 10-second crash course as the opportunity arises.

Ballroom music can be hard to find. However, they tend to be very inexpensive. iTunes has a series called Strictly Ballroom that is very traditional. Amazon has a compilation called Latin Lounge Café (Smooth and Relaxing Bossa Lounge) that is more informal, although it would be better suited for rumba or sex. Putumayo nearly always produces top notch work, but they will bleed your wallet for the quality.

Final thoughts: the loss of culture

One thing that I have been thinking about through all this is the loss of a formal culture. I have always said that you can tell more about a civilization by its entertainment than by what its social scientists say. The popularity of Dancing With The Stars among women says something about our culture.

Little girls love to play make-believe about going to the ball dressed as a pretty pretty princess, yet as adults we have no such thing beyond high school prom, which of course is all bad music and talentless dancing. Daddy’s Little Lady grows up to grind in the club instead of learning to waltz at the Hilton.

Why do we not have formal dances anymore? It is concerning that little girls and grown women fantasize about something simple that used to be common reality. Balls used to be a wonderful way to game women, so both sexes would have something to gain by it. Plus, they just look like fun. There are still many makeshift ballroom dancing groups in the country, but they are a terrible place to meet women under age 80. I suppose that women aren’t going to learn to dance by their own volition. They need men to initiate.

Oh, and the ending to the story with Therese? I got caught in a conversation with the instructor while she left, she never came back for another lesson, and I was unable to track her down on Facebook. But I thought it was a good picture to show how a man is to dance instead of merely explain, as well as to show a contrast between the modern woman and the parochial woman.

Note: The above refers only to the American tango. There is also an Argentine tango with very different music and dance steps. The rumba also has minor variants based on location, but make sure you learn the one that uses the box step. The garden-variety ballroom waltz is very standard, but there are wide variations across the world which you can incorporate. The swing you should learn first is East Coast, as this is the most common and is fairly simple.

Read More: 5 Reasons Why Every Man Needs Partner Dancing

61 thoughts on “The Tango Is Sexist, Patriarchal, And A Perfect Complement To Your Game”

  1. Great article Blair. I do salsa and bachata myself and have learned alot from it. Did you find that the dance scene seems to attract more than its fair share of game playing attention whores, or was that just me?

    1. It’s the nature of the beast, though moreso with salsa than bachata I’ve found. It’s not so much gameplaying as the nature of the scene. Salsa is a visible, high-energy dance with some of the best music around, and it’s normal to dance with a woman for one song tjen move to the next woman for the next song, never to meet again. I don’t generally go to salsa to pick up, but rather to enjoy myself. It’s a fun skill to have but hasn’t really helped my game much.

  2. Two anecdotes:
    #1 Was living in a cold isolated town with few options. Took the hot social worker to dance lessons at the local rec center. Ended up going home with the svelte physical therapist who was also there despite the fact that I “danced like a boxer” (all shoulders, no hips).
    #2 Took a few basic ballroom/swing dance lessons back in height of swing craze during college. Having a few basic steps and twirls has served me immensely well at concerts since then regardless of the music – bluegrass, folk, swing, ska, jazz, etc. Just learn something and start asking girls to dance.

    1. “Ended up going home with the svelte physical therapist who was also there despite the fact that I “danced like a boxer” (all shoulders, no hips).”
      That’s funny, nothing taught me to move my hips better than my boxing lessons as a teenager.

    2. Swing dance is another good one to learn or experience. I remember doing some of that when I was younger (we had theme dances in school in elementary and jr high). It was the best time because you always shared a connection with a girl. Fun time, too.
      Any dancing with that “connection” is always good (any and all mentioned in the article and comments).

  3. Great article Blair.
    Learning some basic catch-all dance moves was my only new-years resolution for 2015. A few weeks ago at the club I noticed this one girl who was dancing by herself… She wasn’t doing anything fancy but it was clear that her dance step was some kind of dance standard. She stood out and was obviously having a good time all on her own (eventually her date arrived). I realized at that moment that if I knew a basic step I’d also stand out on the dance floor for simply looking like the guy who has a basic idea of what he’s doing. I naturally have rhythm but zero technique.

  4. You can tell a lot about a woman by how she responds to “old school” partner dancing whether it is tango, ballroom, swing, etc. Does she follow/resist your lead, know how to move her hips/flop around like a doll? Lets you know early what she will be like “later”.

  5. Salsa has been very useful to me. It makes me stand out among crowds of men and it’s very easy to learn. You don’t need to be an expert, just learn some basics and one or two awesome moves and you’re all set

    1. Could you clarify how this has worked out for you? In my experience, salsa music isn’t played in mainstream non-salsa clubs (thus eliminating your opportunities to stand out in that regard)… and in venues where they do play salsa music, you will not stand out unless you are an instructor or very high level dancer. Some basics and one or two moves will definitely not cut it in that environment.

      1. No offense Sharp, but I haven’t found that to be true. In Dallas and Tampa, the two areas I’ve danced in, women are more than happy to get a guy to dance with them. It doesn’t matter what your experience level is. The ratio has always been about 7:1 or 10:1 and the women are in great shape and outgoing. Don’t talk yourself out of it. Don’t be your own enemy.

        1. I’ve not talked myself out of anything. I’m an intermediate (most would probably call me advanced) level salsa dancer, and what Isaac wrote above does not match my experience whatsoever, so I’m giving him the opportunity to clarify his comment.
          If by “salsa” he means “I took one or two lessons and it gave me the confidence I needed to go out wherever, grab a girl and twirl her around a bit without feeling awkward or like I’m about to break her arm”, then sure, I could see that, maybe. But that isn’t “salsa”, and most definitely won’t work in a proper salsa club – at least not any I’ve ever been to. Those ratios are also nothing I’ve ever seen anywhere. What kind of clubs do you go to?

        2. Oh, for some reason I misunderstood. Most have been half asleep.
          I’ve seen those ratios mainly in Dallas. We have several venues that are ran by South Americans and Greeks/Medis. Tampa was where I did ballroom dancing and swing dancing and those ratios were a little lower but still good for guys.

        3. bgluck so true. Woman are obligated to say yes to dance with a man no matter how bad you are as a dancer. If women say no to a dance offer, men will stop asking and now who will dance with them? Also when I screw up or miss my steps (even dancing with a woman who is much more experienced) we just laugh it off and continue to dance. In the end it should be fun and who cares if you mess up.

      2. Not true. I’m black and average dancer. I was in holidays with my two of my still teen brothers…) Their eyes could not believe that I was CONSISTENTLY INVITED by women. I could not have a drink or even a two minutes chat with my brothers… and I have only 6 to 9 monthes of salsa courses.
        Even I couldnot believe it.

    2. Went to Cuba about 4 years back with 2 buddies. 1 buddy knew how to salsa and cleaned up at the clubs in Havana with even the locals. He was telling us for years to learn the basics. After his performance in Cuba I immediately learned salsa, which also turned into cha cha, swing, ballroom rumba, and a basic tango and waltz step. Its been the best decision (game wise) I’ve made, I think ever. My town has a big latin population so when Latinas see a gringo dance its a big turn on. Now when a white women sees a white man dance its even a bigger turn on. Just spin em a few times and their panties are on the floor. Also the mysterious factor is in play…..why does this gringo know how to dance. I would love to find out! Also deep down women love to be taken control of by a man who knows how to take control. Its a basic primitive instinct. So many advantages of learning dance I can go on for ever!

  6. Assassination Tango with Robert Duvall is a great movie. And that young piece of trim is his wife in real life. They do a fine job in that movie showing how tango is important in the culture and great for a man to know.

      1. That movie was hilariously bad (other than the dance scenes). Just my opinion though 🙂

  7. No offense, and as an extra to avoid confusion, Argentine tango is another league. The big humbler of dances. Six years plus, hundreds of hours of practice and kilometers (Dutch here) danced on floors in many countries and although I do have the talent, it comes slowly; you got to give some of your life if you want to achieve and excel. Like learning to play a guitar, even a cello. The music is a glorious treasure, to immerse yourself in to the brim. Posture, rhythm, moves, appearance, building alliances, sensuality, seduction, it all comes into play. Now to get the hot girls (not always the best dancers! just as they are often also not the best of the lot to talk to – telling you nothing new here) on the floor you watch hypergamy in full operations, always and everywhere. One night you get the dances, the other night the fancy guys come in (usually they dance even more years) and it is harder. Once on the floor, indeed, the man is the leader (that is precisely how it is called) and the woman the follower. Quite the ideal world; I lead, she makes it all beautiful. Like the waves of a sea banging against a towering rock.
    If anything, I do not recommend Argentine tango to pick up girls. Sure, anywhere where you put enough men and women in a space, things happen. But if that is your main goal, you got the wrong motivation because it is hard to get even to a basic level, and you will probably give up. Bars, clubs, and online dating are easier venues to get pussy. Also, Argentine tango consists of a somewhat older crowd than say the salsa scene. Unless you go to Eastern European festivals and marathons, some bliss there.
    Btw, you rarely if ever see people kissing on an Argentine tango evening (a milonga), a very discreet crowd it is. Gentlemen and their women…
    As a last, what is sold as ‘tango’ in movies with the likes of Al Pacino, or Antonio Banderas, or in Moulin Rouge or Dancing With The Stars, etc, etc, usually has little if anything to do with the real deal. Search on Youtube for ‘Arce Montes’ or ‘Geraldine Javier’ and you get the picture.
    If there is any demand, I can write a full article about Argentine tango. Just shout.

  8. I’ll try it, even though i know will embarrass myself, life without new experiences is pointless.

    1. “Life without new experiences is pointless.”
      Best thing I’ve heard today. And, I bet you’ll take a lesson or two and totally surprise yourself. 🙂

    2. Right….just get out there. You’ll be surprise how receptive many people (plus new people) will be just because you took the time (good or bad).
      It’s all about the journey.

  9. This article was great. Like you said, you’ve just gotta stand out from the other guys. Not sure what area of the country you are in but there’s a lot of young, outgoing girls who are into salsa and all other forms of dancing in my area. Dancing is such a great aphrodisiac and I suggest it to all my friends.

  10. Agree with other posters – great article. Learn to dance and you will have eliminated most of the competition. You will also be able to develop a level of physical intimacy immediately, and it can all be done without conversation. The only line you need is asking for a dance.
    Like the loss of culture section.

  11. I dated a woman who said she was into salsa dancing. She said the “muchachos” were constantly rubbing their crotch / boner against her half the time. lol
    Mexican males are horny cock hounds.

  12. Your old Uncle Mistral dances remarkably like an elephant. A very nimble elephant, but an elephant, unmistakably.
    That said, these days, if one has even the slightest modicum of talent on the dance floor one cannot help but stand out, plus it’s useful in the hunt. Even if its just moving in a slow circle to Wonderful Tonight.
    Back in the day, I would dip girls at the end of songs. I would tell them just before, so they wouldn’t be completely surprised, but also not giving them time to be nervous about it. It gets them used to being handled by you. On one occasion, a young lady turned to her partner and said, “Why didn’t you dip me?!”, thus making me no worse than the second worst dancer on the floor. 😉
    À bientôt,

  13. For those who feel they don’t have rhythm – it can be learned. I had no rhythm but I got my teacher to explain the concept and spent a few hours listening to music and just tapping out the rhythm. Now I can be perfectly in time without thinking. Almost everything in life is a learnable skill.
    As for the lack of balls these days – throw your own! I hired a massive stately home for the weekend with a ballroom and had a great time. The girls in particular love the chance to dress up and feel elegant.

    1. I have rythm, I play percussion and other instruments, including the Guaranteed Sex Inducer…the Feadog. But if you told me to dance or die, I’d be dead within minutes. There would be a sputtering attempt, then you would feel compelled to shoot me out of sympathy for my plight.

  14. I hear what your sayin’ man, tango is class. And this is why I question whether or not it would have any impact on today’s broken American female. I could see maybe fat grandmas going for it, assuming any guy wants to get with them. But my question would be: does the Tango approach get hot / cute girls under age 30?

    1. Yes. As long as you are not falling on your face. There are usually bars or clubs (pending on the location) that has salsa night, or salsa weekends. If you have the basics down, and a couple awesome moves, you will score. A basic level of game helps tremendously with some dance moves.

      1. But do these classes have cute chicks under 30 years of age? I’ve been to both tango classes and salsa and always the demographic was 35+ year old chicks, and I’m not talking the hot looking and well preserved 30 somethings neither.

        1. classes usually dont have the girls you are looking for. Exactly what you said 35-40+ women. Go to class and LEARN (dont pick up the women in class) now use your skills learned in the real world!

        2. “Go to class and LEARN (dont pick up the women in class) now use your skills learned in the real world!”
          As much as I respect the elegance of tango, if chicks under 30 think it’s stupid or something ‘old people do’ then it’s a waste of time, unless one learns it for his own personal growth and enjoyment.

        3. Morrison, I was talking more about Salsa then Tango. The ballroom dances tango, waltz, foxtrot are more for personal growth and enjoyment yes,but maybe just maybe one day the tango does come into play and you land a unicorn with it but its the social dances such as salsa, bachata, or even merengue are the dances you take to clubs and dance socials with these you should see some immediate results!

        4. Sr. Peligroso – I’m inclined to agree with you that it is better to learn a good array of latin dances. Maybe clubs in the states that are latin american themed could have a mixture of dances. And as I think about it, if one is living in places like south florida there could very well be a venue or two that attracts 20 something chicas. They will still have worms in their heads, but if one knows the various dances that should give him some kind of edge.

        5. I do vacation to south Florida quite a bit coming from Canada. I find the salsa and bachata are the ones to know. I have friends in Deer Field beach and with the high Brazilian population there Im starting to learn samba….and remember i found that its about having fun and when dancing with the beautiful young chicas I try to make them laugh and smile and make sure they have fun. As a gringo ( i am assuming you are as well morrison) you already have an edge ( as we can offer documentos lol), so if you mess up your steps or spins who cares laugh it off and keep going.

        6. I get the impression that being a gringo anglo man is no big wup for latinas. Certainly from recent field reports from Brazil and Argentina, the women are getting bitchy and cold / calculating, and that is in their homeland. These same latinas in femerikka are fully assimilated to the toxic garbage known as 21st Centuary culture. But if one is willing to make the effort and speak spanish (more practical than portuguese) one might have a chance. It would be far better to go there than to some asshole dive where typical white americunts hang out.

        7. You are so correct in everything you said. Definitely better in S. America, only place I travel, I find being white is an advantage if you use it properly. I was recently in Brazil for world cup..guess what?!?! My buddy and I meet the only two feminists (so we think) in the bar (just our luck)! We had some good fun with them though, totally destroyed their feminist beliefs and how its killing western society, fed them the red pill, these women were not attractive at all but its world cup so its a crazy ratio so you take what you can get. Feminism is slowly making its way into S. America so soon enough their culture will be destroyed just like Femerikka…although men are much more alpha – for lack of better word- so i think it will take longer to manifest (10 years maybe 100 years) or maybe much longer especially in more rural parts of S. America but its an agenda so it will be world wide soon enough. I still find most S. American and most latinas in N. America very traditional, family orientated, and way more fun and down to earth and super sexy!. So ya I try to lean the language and the dancing and the culture and have fun when im in latin america or a latin bar here in N.America.

  15. ”Invite a girl over for dinner (since women like a man who can do everything they can do better). While it’s cooking, make sure she notices the painting. Tell her, “The tango is such a beautiful dance. Do you know how?… Oh, you don’t? Well then, let me teach you.” Then you’ve won, and you will have power over her like Charles Manson.”
    Try that in England, she’ll burst out laughing and will think you’re a weirdo.

    1. English girls are not world renowned for their femininity, at least any longer, if ever. Thus, this is no surprise.

      1. I’d extend that to Scotland and Ireland as well(not the old guard, plenty of pleasant older aunties and granma types Ive known).
        The british women are the worst though, so smug and condescending. Did the brits invent condescension ??

        1. Nothing sweeter than traditional Scottish and Irish types – and they’re certainly more vivacious and warm than their English counterparts. Though you’re quite right, more likely you’ll be charmed by her Nana than find yourself a “bonnie wee lass” in this day and age.

      2. so true. conversely, i could see this move working like a charm on a ukrainian or latina woman. make of that what you will.
        to be fair, i once had a fling with a blue collar english girl and she was fun. did a little bit of the tough girl act and was horrendously uneducated, but basically feminine and affectionate. that was back in the early 90s though, so likely things have changed.

  16. I have been a performance level ballroom dancer before. I want to second the authors take on dancing. Learning to dance as a man makes women swoon. Hell dancing a girl around your kitchen can easily lead to table breaking sex. But I will caution many guys out there that while the author states that a few lessons is all you need. I think he might be overlooking the time he has taken to become a strong lead as a dancer. But the few lessons do begin to instill some confidence and gets one used to any particular dance. And for guys that are a bit shy, group lessons are great as you change partners a lot and get used to having your hand on a woman without “hoverhanding” her. Dance teaches men to be in gentle control of a woman’s body. It’s a bit of a cliche but Dance is really analogous to sex but with clothes on.
    And if a girl back leads, you as the leader you correct her. I usually physically stop through my lead whatever she is trying to back lead and smile then say “I am leading *this* dance, you can lead one later.” Then wink. After that, I usually have no issues with back leads….unless she thinks I was serious about her getting to lead later. LOL

    1. Absolutely. Learning to adequately lead is the Key, not all the fancy moves. However, even though the lead is the simplest in terms of actual effort expended, it can take the longest for the “ahh” moment to happen. But until it happens you will never unlock the true potential of the dance, those moments that all women yearn for, where two bodies become One. It’s all in the lead, Gentlemen.

  17. I could 100% agree with this.
    I’ve been Salsa dancing for 5 years now and every time a woman tries to lead the dance, I promptly scorn her for it and become more dominant with the lead. It makes them wet and massively attracted.
    Dancing provides you with a really good insight into understanding polarity and male/female dynamics and helps you get better with game.
    So as an example, if a feminist tries frame controlling you and dominate the interaction. You’ll instinctively know what you need to do to take back control of it.
    Game is essentially a dance. It’s not the girls job to lead, it’s yours.

    1. That is a good way to put it. The male partner in dance leads the female partner otherwise, it’s chaos in the dance floor.

  18. Ah, that title is misleading! thought the fems were complaining about the tango.
    I remember my Argentinian friend’s grandparents at some gathering, just sitting there, not saying anything. Then the music came on and these two old folks started to tango.They were graceful despite their age. Then the music stopped, and they quietly retired back to the corner of the room.

  19. I remember learning salsa and tango while in the US. My and my partner would always run into friction. I kept telling her “I am the one that’s leading”. At one point I just stopped bothering to explain to her that it is the guy that is leading. She threw some fits, and couldn’t take it. Then I left the US, and traveled and worked for a bit. If you guys never done it, try to go to a club (outside of the US), and show a girl a move or two. It may not be her at the end of the night, but someone more than likely will be coming to your place that night. (As long as you have some sort of game. At least the basic level haha)

  20. There’s only one tango and that’s Argentine.
    Hahaha, American Tango. What nonsense!

  21. Best article in a while. The world can learn a lot from the simple laws of dancing. Man leads women follows and a symbiotic relation is formed. The man knows his role the woman knows hers and something beautiful is created. When a woman is resistant to the leader or decides not to follow, the dance is broken at that point the dance will not and can not work. Just like life, when a women is resistant to the man and his commands or leadership, chaos ensues and the relationship is broken and does not work. A man always must be in charge to make a dance or relationship work because in the end a decision must be made by the leader. Compromise does not work. With compromise no body is happy because nobody got what they wanted. I hate when girls say compromise is the key to a relationship. No its not, just listen to me and follow me because my decisions is best for us and our relationship. We will continue a beautiful dance….if you follow!

  22. American Tango? Tango is an Argentine dance, and you know it was danced among men only, so I’m not sure that much of a seduction dance…

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