Our 20s are a crucial point in our lives. We’re physically in our peak shape. We’re able to experiment with countless options in terms of our careers. And we tend to have a maximal degree of freedom, free from both our parents and the needs of supporting a significant other or family.
I’m 25. And in my first five years of my 20s I’ve grown more than any other five years of my life. I’ve gone from an insecure college virgin to a relatively successful entrepreneur in this short timeframe. Below are 10 of the biggest mistakes I’ve made in my 20s that have taught me some of my most important lessons.
1. Attaching my emotions to a relationship
When you’re with a girl you really like, the path of least resistance is to always want her to be happy.
And while the intentions behind this desire are good and understandable, it’s an unattainable goal in any long term relationship. And chasing it will undoubtedly undermine your happiness and the relationship itself.
Accept that there will be conflicts and tension that won’t always disappear right away, just because you want it that way.
2. Getting my validation from getting with girls when single
There’s more to life than women
Once you get into the world of “game” the biggest risk, from my experience, is attaching your self-worth to how many girls you’re dating or having sex with.
Yes, getting with women is good and fun, but it’s not everything. I’ve allowed my friendships and my business to suffer because I’ve been so hell-bent on seeing a girl every single weeknight.
Realize that you’re complete on your own, and that getting pussy is only a single part of life.
3. Becoming obsessed with building muscle
One of the biggest fitness mistakes I’ve made is getting obsessed with bulking. Once, you start building muscle, this is a trap that’s easy to fall for.
Sure, getting bigger and stronger can be a fun and rewarding journey, but again – it’s only one part of life. If you allow yourself to become obsessed, you’ll quickly tie your self-esteem to how “big” you are. Realize that fitness is only one part of life, and pursue other hobbies to diversify your time and balance your aspirations of getting big.
4. Getting attached to my smartphone
Smartphones can be great… or god-awful
I used to be the same as any other chump. When I was bored, nervous, or just about anything other than busy – the smartphone would come out.
Watching a movie… smartphone out. In line at store… smartphone out. See a cutie I want to approach… smartphone out.
If you let it happen, looking at your iPhone will become a nervous crutch that will limit your confidence and development. Put it away unless you’re doing something specific.
5. Not owning my own values
We all have our own preferences and values. Don’t conform just to appease other people or give into peer pressure.
Personally, I only like hitting up the nightlife once a week or so. I just value my sleep and would rather have a productive morning and intense workout. My buddies prefer to hit it up 3-4 nights a week. For a while, I’d grudgingly go out, and not really enjoy myself. Now? I go out once a week, and actually immerse myself in the nighttime experience and really enjoy it.
Do what you like – and don’t apologize for it.
6. Spending too much time with one group of friends
Don’t neglect the boys
You should have several groups of man friends and spend time with all of them.
You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with, so choose your friends wisely. And don’t confine yourself to just seeing one or two of them. You’ll become one dimensional, and adopt their insecurities.
Spend time with different types of people and take on the best traits of all of them.
7. Not reading
Reading is the most crucial habit. It keeps you learning, thinking, and enforces self-discipline.
I still fall off all the time. Taking just 30 minutes sounds easy, but sitting there and reading never seems as pressing as answering emails, writing, seeing friends, girls, or doing other things.
Set aside 30 minutes every single day – for me this is just after waking – and commit to reading during that time.
8. Giving a fuck about what other people think
We’re all socially conditioned to give a fuck about way too many things: what girls think about your style, what your friends think about your career choice, whether your parents approve of your lifestyle, what random strangers think about you.
And all these fucks wear down upon us. They cripple us and our abilities to take action and do shit that other people might question.
From approaching girls at the grocery store to quitting my 9-5 to filming YouTube videos in public, I’ve had to condition myself to give fewer and fewer fucks, or I would never have built my life and business to what they are now.
9. Not listening to my body
Your body is usually right
Whether it’s certain foods that bother your stomach, or forcing yourself to go out despite not sleeping the previous night, or spending time with a girl you’re no longer attracted to—we often force ourselves to do shit that our bodies are clearly telling us not to.
And these things often lead to physical pain, injury, sickness, or regret.
Sure, there are times when pushing yourself through a grueling workout despite wanting to quit is beneficial, but be smart and listen to your own body and your own intuition. It’s far to easy to be led astray by friends and colleagues.
10. Worrying about things I can’t control
In life there are three types of things:
- Things you have full control over
- Things you have some control over
- Things you have no control over
You must learn to distinguish between these three types of things. Otherwise you’ll spend countless time worrying about shit you can’t control… whether she’ll reply to your text (after you’ve sent it)… whether you’ll get the job (after you’ve interviewed)…
Stop bitching about things that have already happened, and instead plan to crush whatever lies in your path.
Read More: How To Free Yourself From The Need For Women