5 Tips For Dating In Small Towns

The information age has made our world much smaller. Just a few years ago one could wield a little black book of girls and maintain relative anonymity in most circles, but the ubiquity of social media has made this virtually impossible.

Men in small towns are most affected by the Big Brother triad of Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. Word of who’s dating who travels fast and social circles frequently overlap in these areas, causing headaches that a busy man has little time to deal with.

If you’re forced to live in a smaller city, it helps to have ground rules for approaching the dating scene. Whether you’re looking to date a few girls while you search for a relationship, or you’re a player just looking for unattached fun, here are a few considerations while you build your game in a small city…

1. Respect the power of Facebook

Men in this sphere almost universally dislike Facebook, but it can be a powerful ally if used correctly. If you have a profile, lock down your security settings, especially those of who can search for you and whether your profile is public. Don’t ever become Facebook friends with a girl you want to date. If a girl asks for your facebook but won’t give you her number, she’s probably not very interested anyway. Don’t devote much time to sleuthing, but it may be helpful to find a girl’s Facebook page to see what circles she travels in and whether you share any common friends.

2. Diversify

Your city may only have one major college or graduate school. If you’re gaming younger girls, small class sizes ensure that your prospects are at maximum two degrees of separation from each other. I’ve ejected on promising leads because they were friendly with a current girl and I didn’t want to deal with the inevitable drama. This is why you must diversify. It helps to have girls in different types of professions: one girl who’s an artist, another who’s an accountant, and another who is a doctor. Geographic divisions are also your ally—my city has a North Side and a South Side with very little intermingling between two. Force yourself to go to multiple areas, which gets you out of your comfort zone and facilitates dating women of different backgrounds.

3. Avoid lying

Veteran players may disagree on this point, but I prefer not to lie. Women want a shred of plausible deniability when they are dating a man they like, and as long as you don’t make a fool out of them they rarely challenge you until they are issuing an ultimatum to define the relationship, in which case they’ve already made up their minds to walk. Newbies often ask “what if she asks if I am dating other people”? It’s amazing how rarely I’ve been asked this question. If they do, you can go with the classic Heartiste “it’s complicated” or the more nuanced “I like you but I prefer to keep my options open and see where things go.” As a bonus, you don’t have to devote as much brainpower to keeping your stories straight.

4. Get everything on your terms

Get them comfortable with following your lead on plans. Take different girls to different places — Lisa goes to the supermarket with you before you guys cook dinner, while Jenny is your date to the beach. Developing little routines like this helps you bond with the girl, and also helps you avoid crossing paths with other interests. Most importantly, always refuse to meet her her friends — they are a pointless timesink at best, and frequently become nosy and jealous saboteurs.

5. Let them down gently

Unless a girl is a complete mess, make it as amicable as possible when you stop seeing her. Explain that with where you are in life, you can’t give her the committed relationship she wants and “deserves.” This may prevent her from poisoning the well with her friends, who you are likely to encounter in the future. I’ve had ex-girls who later get into happy relationships and introduce me to new prospects. This is rare, but sometimes a bit of effort can at least prevent people from spewing vitriol behind your back.

I am aware that intrasexual competition can sometimes work in your favor, with jealous girls playing off each other. That said, this advice is geared toward someone who wants to engage in minimal-drama mini relationships, leaving freedom to find the right girl or pursue other goals. Small town game is a different animal, but with a bit of forethought you can create a solid rotation for yourself without dealing with the pitfalls common to a tiny social scene.

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18 thoughts on “5 Tips For Dating In Small Towns”

  1. This advice is meh
    If you live in a college town with 65K people in it will be very hard to have a harem. Unless you have a couple girls in a town or two away or some who are down being part of a harem. It’s gonna be very hard to haveaa harem
    The facebook is gold, guys do yourself a favor get rid of FB or use a pseudonym
    That’s what I do

    1. Not necessarily true about the difficulties of a harem.
      If you’re in a college town with 65K people — 20K+ of whom are college students — you should be regularly approaching (including cold approach) in the lunch areas, libraries, walking between classes, etc.
      You *can* build a harem of 5 women, plus maybe a couple townies, from that population.
      A girl can easily be kept in dating/”undefined” status, where she doesn’t expect a 24/7 relationship, for a couple months.

      1. It doesn’t matter if you are in a small town or a city, women are women. You need to have confidence and the right attittude. Ross Jeffries is IMO, the king of teaching these principles. he’s not like the others either. his stuff really works, check him out

  2. Meeting her friends might cover this a little but I was really expecting a point about white knights in the article. In smaller social circles, white knights can be a serious problem.

    1. Simple: Just ask the girl he’s white-knighting for if they’re together. They’re probably not and the moment she says ‘no’ is the moment you’ve taken down the poor guy. Watch how red his face turns lol

    1. Sure, if you don’t care about being “that guy” and having your rep become 5 times bigger than what you have actually done.
      By giving no fucks at my neighborhood job and screwing only two girls there over the past 6 years, I’m known as the “single-minded philandering playboy” at my job. And it colors every interaction I have with my managers. sure this more or less deals with work instead of towns, but it’s a similar idea. Since the same people I work with are likely the people I’m going to see at school, at other stores, in my neighborhoods, at the clubs, etc.
      So yes, often it’s in my best interest that I do give a fuck. What’s confidence without smarts?

  3. This is all good advice. On the flip side, if you live a few hours from a major city (or several), it might (and I haven’t tested it) be a good idea to get your “practice” on in that city.

  4. Good article – good things to consider because indeed the landscape is different now that social media plays a role. The points made can also apply to Western Europe. I do not do Facebook or any social media. That is vox pop shit IMHO. The drawback to playing it off the radar is that, as been previously stated by others here at ROK, many will think you’re a ‘creep’ or the next Unabomber because you choose to have a more solitary existance. With corporations now asking to see one’s facebook page along with your resume it is becoming increasingly difficult to remain out of the social media circle.

  5. Avoiding drama is the biggest hurdle. All it takes is one girl to have a bad experience and a cunty vibe to spoil half the city for you. Good article

  6. “Don’t ever become Facebook friends with a girl you want to date.”
    This advice, which I’ve seen before but ignored, finally prompted me to remove all girls from my Facebook that I’m interested in dating.
    Ironically, a few times in recent years, girls who have had huge crushes on me have absolutely refused to be friends with me on Facebook, and in a couple of cases even blocked me. On the flip side, one of my buddies was interested in this girl, and she refrained from becoming friends with him on Facebook, but she finally gave in… and then friendzoned him.
    I think many girls also observe the “don’t be friends with people you want to bang” rule, and although it can be hard sometimes to tell sometimes from “don’t be friends with creeps” rule, this is not true in every case. Go by studying your own behavior. If you are certain you didn’t creep her out, she has the hots for you.

    1. Update: I suggest everybody else do this too. I’m suddenly getting a lot more attention…

  7. #7. Wear protection all the time.
    Small towns are very akin to nursing homes, especially if the locals never leave town. It just takes one infection to run rampant through the community.

  8. Good stuff.
    Anyone dating in a small town should remember that word travels fast. If you’re dating someone, people will know about it and talk about it. And you really can’t “cad” around one night standing it unless you’re doing the bottom feeder sluts.

  9. I think one of the best things mentioned in the article is about diversifying, just like in many other aspect of life, it is required to look through a number of different ways when you are searching to meet women in your area for dating and going out, even when you decide to go for the dating sites just make sure you join a couple of them.

  10. I have to say that this is only going to get ya a ho. Nice women want to be the only one even if its for a Lil bit. Once she finds out ur with other she won’t give you the time of day.. But if you just hold off and make her the only one you can either chose her or move on to another but one of the will be the one you want but you’ll blow it cuz want an sincere man who makes them their priority

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