Dictionary Of American Girlspeak, Volume I

American Girlspeak, though seemingly intelligible, is actually quite different from the language men like you and I use. While ours is a relatively straight-forward and functional lexicon, theirs is one ridden with obfuscating euphemisms, ambiguity, and double-speak. Words that mean one thing to us, can mean an entirely different thing to them. For better or worse—if you expect to transact with those who speak the female tongue (who, of course, aren’t always women)—you need to be equipped with the proper linguistic equipment.


1. malleable word most often deployed as a no-fault excuse for inept, lazy, or outright rude social behavior. 2. also: term used to lay claim to the currently fashionable persona of nerd.


1. catch-all phrase used by girls for anything they can’t (or won’t) articulate that makes them uncomfortable or shatters an imagined fantasy of how things should be. Its power lies in its very ambiguity, since it can be used to intimate anything, from sexual deviance to illegality, without having to actually say it. 2. word often used to shame natural male sexuality. 3. girls’ go-to phrase to attempt to shut down a conversation.


1. last-resort insult for an otherwise attractive, tall, and/or put-together guy. 2. insult usually reserved for white guys, since racially tinged insults (e.g., “ghetto”) are less effective against them.

guy friend

1. unfortunate male who’s been irretrievably snared in the friendzone web or in an emotional-tampon cycle. 2. a male orbiter who occupies a space on a girl’s unwritten second-stringer waiting list. 3. occasionally a girl’s label for a former hook-up with whom she’s kept an amicable relationship.

hooked up

1. deliberately ambiguous term that can refer to any kind of intimate contact—from plain-and-simple kissing to a triple-penetration gangbang. 2. noun: hook-up.


1. the bane of Western (and increasingly global) romantic life, which has destroyed a woman’s ability to connect with a male suitor by steadily eroding her attention-span, providing her with a 24/7 social crutch, and giving her the means to binge on an array of character-destroying attention-whoring behaviors. 2. female status symbol whose possession grants no social cachet, but whose absence is regarded as a negative.



1. term that used to describe an unfashionable and socially awkward person who displays above-average academic ability (or excels in non-athletic endeavors), but has gradually come to connote someone who merely wears oversized dark-framed glasses, possesses below-average conversation skills, displays little-to-no scholarly or musical talent, and has given up on improving these conditions. 2. a no-risk social label (and pre-packaged, played-out persona) that girls have adopted now that it’s safe to do so, having been stripped of its social stigma by an increasingly emasculated society that protects the weak at the expense of the strong.



1. extreme slut who also hooks up with women.


1. new-age feminist jargon for no-consequences sex for women. 2. see slut-shaming.


1. calorie-loading malt shop that masquerades as a global coffeehouse chain. 2. place that provides fat girls plausible deniability for their obesity, by serving them high-calorie milkshakes and other sugary drinks mislabeled as simple coffee.

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79 thoughts on “Dictionary Of American Girlspeak, Volume I”

  1. Asshole – someone they want to fuck. Seriously, anytime a chick calls me an asshole I know I’m already in.
    LOL – means nothing most of the time, replacement for um since they can’t think of a witty reply (applies to some guys too).
    Bored – horny. Simple. Man up and fuck them.

    1. here’s a better definition of asshole- a guy who is down right rude and obnoxious, a guy who has an inflated ego who girls wouldn’t want to go near.

  2. “healthy weight” = overweight
    “my career” = my paper shuffling and looking busy
    “strong woman” = rude, disrespectful cunt
    “divorce” = larceny

      1. We await with bated breath, O Mighty Tut!
        The manosphere needs its own satirical lexicon in the spirit of Ambrose Bierce’s “Devil’s Dictionary”. And you’re the right man to do it…

  3. “I never bring guys home, I swear!” – brings home guys every night and doesn’t want you to judge her for it

  4. The doucebag one is priceless… I think it also has to do with being confident… b/c they know an attractive confident guy won’t put up with their b/s.

  5. “Please don’t rape me, mister” = “Please pin my head down during anal”

    1. No, I think that one can be taken literally (most of the time).
      Role reversal: you’re in prison, some bubba wants to rape you and you say, “Please don’t rape me, mister.” Now unless you’re a fag…

        1. You serious? I’m a guy, not a chick. This might blow your mind Diago, but not every single guy wants to rape women and not every single guy thinks women want to be raped.
          Oh yeah, and since you asked, 28 inch waist. Not boasting, I’m actually trying to gain weight right now.

        2. Your trolling’s fucking pathetic.
          Oh, wait, maybe you’re not trolling, maybe you’re all butthurt over being an immigrant from south america and being rejected by sluts. Your dreams of banging american chicks has been shattered now your taking your angst out on anyone.
          P.S. if you want to troll, it works best if you hit on a topic that has an ounce of truth. Eg. saying I’m a fat lesbian is useless, since I’m a skinny guy. If you wanted to raise up my anger why didn’t you start plugging away at the skinny factor? Oh, wait, I already know the answer, ’cause you’re a dumb fucking bean munching South American who’s unable to even troll he’s that fucking dumb.
          See? I’m hitting you on some truths. Not myths, truths. You eat beans, you’re dumb, your name is Diago, you’re pissed off you weren’t born white, you can’t get laid with white chicks unless you rape them. How am I going?
          HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Gay cunt.

        3. Hold on, are you under the impression that Carson Diago is my real name? So basically not only are you a fat lesbian, but you are also dumb as shit LOL.

        4. Wow you reeaallly don’t get trolling, do you? Even after I explained it to you. Come on, it’s not that hard, Diago. Well, maybe for you it is. I even gave you a couple of pointers. F-

    2. You little wankers are really going to have to stop watching porn if you think that’s what normal women want. Get out of mommy’s cellar you geeks.

    1. If you want to see something really funny read a pua blog. Look at the stupid terms these omega goofballs invent.

  6. I have often suspected that the obesity problem in America (at least female obesity) is partially due to transferred pleasure-seeking impulses.
    Most women would be willing to remain thin if they could bag/bang alpha males, but since they cannot, they seek a substitute form of orgasmic pleasure.
    The expression looks like this:
    5 minutes of alpha > 500 caramel lattes > 5 years of beta
    Some men would like to eat steak every night, but can’t afford to, so they make do with burgers much of the time, same idea.
    This is why many women will not date a beta, even though they are currently not able to gain even 5 seconds of alpha attention. The inability to gain attention from a male of sufficient quality means that they are sidelined, and seek alternative visceral experiences.
    As their weight increases, they likelihood of alpha attention diminishes, so they resort to more attention whoring and overeating. As long as they can’t get an alpha, they might as well stuff their crazy-hole with fried chicken.
    Besides, Billy the Beta will still shower them with compliments on facebook, so why worry about that incipient (or fully manifested) muffin top?

    1. I always laugh at pathetic Beta orbiters hovering around the chicks where I work at. It’s hilarious to see them in action. They think by talking to these girls and being their emotional tampon that they might actually see some action. Of course, these guys never do.
      As you mentioned, there are plenty of Beta orbiters on Facebook, too. I have a really hot friend who gets all kinds of attention for every whim she posts about. She takes a dump and these guys practically want to come smell it.
      I never want to be one of those guys. I’d rather go without than shill like they do, hungry for crumbs off the table that these girls never give them.

      1. Bravo. I now have the policy that I don’t even compliment or “like” any woman’s pic on FB under any circumstances. The way men behave toward women on FB is pathetic and an embarrassment to our sex.

        1. I wouldn’t go THAT far (though I don’t do much on mine and only have family and very close nationwide acquaintances on it), but there are PLENTY of losers who pat themselves for getting rid of their Facebooks when their timeline is full of drama and other nonsensical bullshit.
          Fair enough, but the (Mirror) Law of Attraction says that “like attracts like”. If someone complains that their Facebook is dominated by losers, well…I have some bad news for you–you’re not exactly a winner in life.
          Attention whores with 75 selfies in a bikini where it looks like they just stepped out of a shower soaking wet just to pose? Stupid bitches who think they can’t be judge for their stupid behavior? Stupid chicks who can’t figure out how to keep a guy happy?
          Not on my Facebook.

        2. Agreed. If I had a personal FB account I would feel like an attention whoring eight grader, but I don’t have any issues with people who do partake in social media.
          Things like Facebook and related technologies are useful if you are using it for marketing purposes to promote and generate a user / customer base. It’s only then it has a purpose.

        3. nice,
          I just run advertising on Facebook, so I can make money off you hardcore alphas who seem to know all about it, yet don’t have a FB account…..

        4. It’s handy for keeping in touch with friends and family when everyone is spread around the country and world.

    2. Love this equation lol:
      5 minutes of alpha > 500 caramel lattes > 5 years of beta

    3. This is very true… especially as they get older it looks like they just give up on their weight and trying to find a guy… usually it is the lesser to moderate attractive girls who were able to have fun but not get alpha commitment. I guess since they know their time is up they would rather do and eat what they want than work at staying fit just to keep an average joe. I feel bad for guys who don’t have game or any alpha compensating traits to pull decent women… even seen decent looking guys that can’t pull you know things are messed up.

  7. These are the ways a lot of girls today express the word “NO” lmao
    Kk = Curve
    Oh = Curve
    Idk = Curve
    Lol = Curve
    I be busy = Curve
    Soon = Curve
    Ima let you know = Curve
    I didn’t see your call = Curve
    I didn’t get your text =Curve
    Ima try = Curve
    Let me call you back = Curve

    1. What’s even better is when you take a look at an average woman’s POF profile and see how creepy THEY are.
      Four kids from three different babydaddies (a chick like this wanted to date me…thank God I didn’t take that described “good woman” up on that offer), surly bitch attitude, loaded with trashy tats, and wants (drum roll please…):
      “Just be normal, semi good looking, take care of your body, be active, be funny, love kids, be a gentleman, have hobbies, tell your mom you love her, be SINGLE ( please?), and message me if you like what you’ve read.”
      No, damaged goods asking for Mr Perfect ain’t creepy. Noooo, not at all.

      1. The fact that she even believed she could date you means that she thought you were some beta boy loser so I’d keep that to yourself.Like goes to like.

  8. “Man up.” Male definition: “A command from a man to another man to act in accordance and in furtherance of one’s masculine nature.”
    Female definition: “A command by women for a man to act in a manner which benefits the feminine imperative.” Ex. To marry a single mother with children from three different deadbeat dads. To accept a less qualified female being promoted over you in the name of gender diversity.

    1. Never met a woman who says, “Man up.” Their version is, “Be a man.” If a chick said, “man up” to me I’d think she’s a dyke.

  9. You’re right about what females think a nerd is. These pua guys are the guy in the pic on the right. Fugly looking, no money and playing kid video games in the cellar while jerking off to porn.

  10. ” Fit ” = No where near it!!!
    ” Kind and Generous” = Male Automatic Teller Machine

  11. >Caring what women think of you
    You hetero dudes crack me up
    You’re right about them only calling white guys douchebag though, strangely enough it’s never happened to me. I do get “creeper”, which I take as a sign of being right.

    1. ah! That’s what I felt here but couldn’t place it. Approval seeking. I’m a breeder but I honestly cannot remember last time I genuinely cared. Unless it’s family it just does not bother me what women think of me.

  12. Hm. A lot of what you’ve got here is spot-on…even your definition of a nerd. However you call society emasculated for “protect[ing] the weak at the expense of the strong.” I thought that was the whole point of society.
    The opposite – allowing the strong to take what they want at the expense of the weak – is the exact opposite of society. That’s just the law of the jungle.

    1. You make out like the law of the jungle’s a bad thing. I, for one, think that “society” could do with a decade or two of natural selection.

      1. Really? When would you stop? More importantly, how would you stop?
        I’d wonder how are you so certain that you wouldn’t end up on the side that’s selected against, but that’s a matter of personal perspective. I’d be much more worried about wrecking the whole damned thing.

        1. Who cares when you stop or not. I’m an anarchist at heart. Joker quote, “Some people just want to watch the world burn.” That’s me.
          As for me being selected against, odds are, not likely. But if that’s what happens, so be it. I’m not a precious snowflake – to quote fight club.
          But, yeah, if you’re against law of the jungle, then you’re probably kinda weak (personality wise) and wouldn’t be able to handle living without crutches. Could be wrong. Whatever. Just sick of pansy-assed-humanitarians.

  13. Ironic: An existential fear of meaning which takes refuge in the disconnect between appearance and substance.
    Geek: An indulgent self-evaluator who claims intelligence, confidence, individuality, and fashion sensitivity per force by the oddity of their obsessions.
    Tattoo Lover: 1. Future victim of domestic abuse. 2. Masochist.
    “If you wanna know more, just ask”: There’s nothing more to know.
    “I don’t care what people think of me”: 1. “I’m a narcissist.” 2. One incapable of defending their way of life.
    Sarcasm: Insult masquerading as wit; passive aggressive criticism cum mockery that treats all seriousness as a thing of scorn.
    “I want someone who can hold a conversation”: “I have nothing interesting to say, so the burden of meaningful discourse is on you.”

    1. Actually, your “sarcastic” definition would better fall under “sardonic.”
      That seems to be a trend on ROk’s website.

  14. I like military men: I want free benefits and access to a whole base of cocks to ride while you are deployed.
    you’re such a nice guy: you’re a beta. Keep orbiting.
    I’m laid back and easy going: I’m boring and unmotivated
    I know what I want: no I don’t.
    Tired of playing games: I am a drama magnet
    I’ve had my fun: I am actively looking for a beta. I have officially gotten off the carousel.

  15. Nicely done Tuthmosis. You ever heard of the Devil’s Dictionary? This is like a modern day version of that!

  16. I fell off the wagon these past three months and became this asian cunt’s beta tampon-pillow boy. I didn’t even know it was happening until it was too fucking late. To get rid of this sick psychosis truly take steel, unwavering will power.

  17. I fell off the wagon these past three months and became this asian cunt’s beta tampon-pillow boy. I didn’t even know it was happening until it was too fucking late. To get rid of this sick psychosis truly take steel, unwavering will power.

  18. This site actually makes me laugh. Although it seems apparent that you’re stuck in a perpetual state of woman-bashing, I can’t help but be open-minded enough to read your posts. I don’t imagine that too many women comment on here and if they do, I suspect that they probably try and attempt to find ways to criticize or praise your work.
    I can see that classifying life situations helps propel you to move forward in life, but you’d probably say I’m wrong in that assumption.
    It seems to me that you classify women as fugacious, easily replaceable because females share a common thread.
    I guess you could then classify yourself as lonely in a sense? Don’t ask me how I arrived at that conclusion, I don’t even know myself.
    If you think you know women well, how would you interpret me? If you think you know well the way that women speak from their words, how do you envision myself and my living situation?

  19. Tuthmosis is a horrible sexist infant and ( more than ) somewhat of a homophobic dumbass, with specialties in the support of rape culture and abuse, reinstating disgusting social stigmas, and the state of perceived ‘masculinity’ in straight white Americans.

  20. This entire thing is incredibly stupid and insulting, but I’d like to call attention to two of them specifically:
    1.) pansexual – pansexuality is actually a sexuality in which people are capable of feeling psychically, sexually, and/or emotionally attracted to a person of any gender, gender expression, or biological sex. It’s often confused with promiscuity and risky behaviours. In reality, it’s just another beautiful sexuality on the spectrum. Also, and I know I’ll get hate for this, but slut-shaming is bad. There’s nothing wrong with having a lot of sex and/or sex with multiple partners, as long as its consensual on all sides.
    2.) sex-positive – again, there’s nothing wrong with being described as sex-positive. Being sex positive refers to a movement where people are open about sex and do not regard it as something deserving of the “horrible” social taboo it’s been chalked up to being. Safe sex and consent are emphasized, as well as proper sex education, the beauty of sex, and usually the inclusion and acceptance of different sexualities.

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