How To Spark Sexual Attraction By Showing Your Desire

According to Mark Manson in his well-known book, Models: Attract Women through Honesty: 

Women are turned on by being wanted, by being desired. Suddenly, seemingly disconnected events that arouse women—a romantic marriage proposal in one instance, and a rape fantasy in another—make sense. Both indicate an extreme display of desire in her by a man.”

Women desire to be desired. Many healthy women have rape fantasies not because they literally want to be raped, but because those fantasies makes them feel as if they are submitting to a man’s powerful desire for her. This desire to be desirable is a little narcissistic, as it implies that since a man desires her, she must be attractive. This often fuels women’s egos to believe they are more attractive than they actually are.

Once in a night club in Taiwan I stood on the edge of the dance floor contemplating whether or not I should go home, because I had already had a fun night. I noticed a girl dancing not far from me. A French guy started dancing behind her, trying to get her attention. When he did this her movements became even more exaggerated. I could actually see her ego swelling. I laughed to myself at this scene and then looked away from her.

Almost instantly she was dancing right next to me, pressing her body up against me as her ego begged for my attention. The more I ignored her the more she struggled to pull my attention to her. Finally she couldn’t take it anymore and tried to kiss me.

She wasn’t ugly on the outside, but her neediness turned me off. By basing her self-worth on male attention and her ego’s need for validation I just didn’t feel interested in her. Although I hesitated when I realized this, I let her kiss me for an instant before pushing her away. She immediately ran away with her prize. A tiny piece of male attention made her feel like an attractive, desirable woman.

Women get accustomed to free attention and easily become frustrated when they don’t get it.

Women of every level of attractiveness get thousands of messages on Facebook and other social media from men giving away free attention. They comment on her photos and beg for her approval by complimenting how “hot,” “beautiful” or “sexy” she is. These messages fuel her ego and make her feel desired before she has even earned this male attention. She then develops an entitled attitude, in which she expects men should desire her and give her attention, but she feels absolutely no obligation to give any value in return.

Your attention is the most valuable commodity you can provide a woman. When you give it freely you are implying your attention is very cheap. Attention should be earned. This applies to all forms of attention you could give a girl. Even if you argue with a woman it implies that on some level you care about her opinion.

When should you express your desire?

Would you ever walk up to a random girl on the street and start the conversation with, “Hey, I just had to tell you, you are the sexiest girl I’ve seen today!” or even something a little crazier, “hey you are sexy, will you come home with me?”?

I’m sure some of you would. I’ve started conversations a few times by pointing out I find a girl sexy with mixed results. Many girls just walked away, and a few were pleasantly flattered by the forward compliment.

Of course, the exact words you say are not as important as the vibe you give off when you are interacting with people, but the point here is that stating to a woman you find her sexy or desirable before she has earned your attention devalues what you have to offer.

Letting a woman know you find her desirable is best after she has earned your attention. She may not consciously realize exactly what is going on, but it will feel much more exciting to her to be desired by a man whose attention she has earned than to feel desired by random beta guys who throw away their attention without her first working for it.

How do you let her know you want her?

I was once on a first date with a girl and after a couple hours of getting to know each other, I stood in front of her, looked into her eyes, a sly smile on my face, and I stepped even closer, inches from her lips. Invading her private space, I asked a simple question, “So what do you want to eat?” And I was just hungry and wondering what we should have for dinner.

But later, after I took her home for the first time, I asked her, “so when did you first think about kissing me?”

You can probably guess she said it was when I was giving her that intimidating look and asking what was for dinner. Even though we had only been hanging out about an hour at that time I made her feel like I wanted to eat her for dinner. And she loved it. Even subtly implying my desire for her was enough to trigger arousal.

One time I had just met a girl at a small party and after convincing her to sit next to me and give me a massage, I leaned in, pushed her hair aside, and smelled her neck. After I took her home that night, she later told me that it was when I smelled her neck and complimented her scent that I first sexually aroused her.

You can be as subtle as you want. After she has earned your attention you can also directly state exactly what it is you find sexy about her. For example, say you have been on a date for three hours, you’ve had a few drinks and took a walk in a cozy park. She is sitting next to you and you tell her, “I just noticed your long legs are really sexy.”

Your entire vibe should imply that this is a man-to-woman interaction. You can both verbally and nonverbally imply you want her sexually. But ultimately if you want to become intimate with a women you need to be able to express your desire for her.

Read More: Effortless Attraction

58 thoughts on “How To Spark Sexual Attraction By Showing Your Desire”

  1. Good Article. If you don’t let her know that you are attracted to her eventually she is going to assume that you aren’t attracted to her she will just friend zone you.
    So that means that in the early stages of getting to know a girl you come across that you are attracted to, you might as well let her know that you are sexual attracted to her one way or another.
    In order to have sex with a girl she has to first think of you in a sexual context so sex has enter the conversation sooner or later.
    Rather or not she likes you , either way it is better to do so than to not do so since not doing so you will be just always be her ‘friend’ and always wondering rather or not she is attracted to you.
    Playing it safe and not saying anything about how you feel about her because you are afraid you are going to get rejected isn’t going to get you anywhere and will in fact ironically guarantee your rejection.
    So in review:
    Choice#1) Keeping quite about your attraction to her in order to avoid rejection =Guaranteed failure and no chance of success which ironically you were trying to avoid by doing so .
    Choice#2) Telling her you are attracted to her=Chances of success and chances of failure.
    The best choice is obvious.

    1. Total agreement here. Now for those just beginning down this path you don’t even have to verbalize it in some kind of formal way.
      Imagine, how would you behave around this or any girl if you felt completely entitled and that you could do whatever you wanted?
      What would you do/say?
      Whatever your deepest most immediate desire is regarding her sexually you need to act on that..
      For me personally I am very direct. I’m an ass man and If I like a girl’s ass then thats pretty much where I’m heading any conversation towards. Usually if we get to that point then I’m already touching her ass and maybe more.
      You make your desire known not just through words but every part of you moves in concert to achieve your goals with boldness. This elixir is the well these broads keep comin back to.
      As with anything you will only get better at this by practicing.

    2. Not so sure. I have banged plenty of women to whom I exhibited a “not giving a fuck about them” attitude. In my opinion it makes them want you more but you seem unobtainable.

    3. This is not always true. I met a guy online we exchanged photos, he is gorgeous and goodlooking. We chatted over email for a few weeks until we met. He seemed very interested and we also talked on the phone. We we had our first date we had a dinner and drinks in a pub nearby. He asked me was it okay if he could stay over as he lives far and has no car. He has just started a very good job at the hospital. I was not keen on that but I said sure. Im am one to wait for sex. So we met, he was great looking, very polite and nice. But he said he was a bit late as he has to drop something off to his ‘ex”. They supposely run a business together but broke up. So it seems to go well but when we were together he did not ask much about my life which surprised me. Then we came back hungout , listened to music. He seemed content. We made out……..then he said I want to do oral on you so wen to the bedroom. This was probably not a good idea. So that happened quick, then I did him. He said wow if this if the first I cant imagine when we get to know each other more (like making it sound we would be together). We had alot of chemistry bu the is 12 yrs younger than I am. At 200 am he gets up, says hes going outside for a smoke. Comes back in a panic he has to leave, he hopes Im not mad and I get up as I wanted to hug him goodbye, I was shocked. He left without doing that. He left his bag and jacket and not a peep since. I have no idea what went down. I did not birng up anything bad, I am attractive, very clean, we had chemistry. I dont get it. I emailed and later called him its over a month not a peep for him. Strange thing is he gave me his email, his cell number, and his address as they have a dog business and he told me to look up his ad that shows him home. Why would he give all this personal info than take off? He also told me where he works!

  2. I always found its good to make compliments in an exaggerated way or with a look that makes her wonder about your sincerity. You come off as a creepy stalker saying things like “You are the hottest girl I’ve ever met.” with a serious look. I remember one girl going on about how this Italian guys brother wanted to marry her. What a perfect compliment..over the top and zero chance of a girl accepting.

      1. Its always better, otherwise its like you are putting her on a pedestal or are too into her.

  3. What a lovely article. Flies in the face of all the playing hard to get/being a challenge stuff that we have been brainwashed for over a decade now that turned women into bitches and guys into pussies. It’s time to revert to being proud of our sexual interest instead of being ashamed of it and learning how to express it the right way and at the right time, instead of allowing a few dates with the entitled and the uptight alter our behavior with everyone else.

    1. But it also adds to the confusion. What the hell are you supposed to do? Act like you don’t give a shit or tell her outright “I want you”?

      1. Yeah. It’s very tricky I find. The fact of the matter is, we have to approach. This tips our hand. If all a woman wants is validation and attention, she can keep it at just the right distance the whole night. It’s a very difficult one to ‘not lose’. If women had to approach, very different story, very different power dynamic.

        1. If the woman keeps her distance the whole night end the date as soon as you can and never call her again. I did this myself just a couple of weeks ago.
          Don’t put up with her bullshit.

        2. Better yet if she keeps her distance AND is an absolute cunt get up, walk out, and leave her to pay the bill. You get some awesome hate texts especially if you added a few grey goose martinis to the bill.

      2. Good question. I believe it much depends on who you are, who the girl is, what the dynamic between the two of you and your cultural context (city/state/country where you live). As a rule, the more feminine, traditional/submissive girl prefers to be pursued and appreciate an aggressive guy. The modern “independent” woman would be more into games due to being “too busy”, and not being as nurturing/warm.

        1. Actually I understand now. I missed the main point: she has to earn your attention first.

        2. Exactly. you have to be able to read her and pick up her attitude so you know which angle to take. SOme respond much better to the distant type of interest and others respond to you making it known you can’t keep your hands off them. The problem comes when you have 2 or 3 going at the same time and they are all different! you have to quickly change your game with every text haha.

      3. I tell women that I want them, then I ignore them. She will be on your balls later on.
        Edit: it’s a numbers game, but use discretion and pick girls who will be winners. i.e., talk to her first.

  4. Yeah I agree. I have found showing obvious sexual interest early works much better than friendly ‘getting to know you’ stuff. Even if its obvious joking around. I had this great flirtation with this one chick I’d only just met by saying I wanted to get her pregnant, right down to choosing the babies names. She loved it, it was easy to get a second date.

  5. Is the reason you found the girl in Taiwan to be too needy because she was being so attention hungry with random guys? Because a girl being that into a specific guy sounds appealing. Shows she’s interested and willing to put herself out there to show it.

  6. Key phrase here being “when she’s earned it”. Essentially arguing for shortening the length of your aloof game, something I’m on board with. But someone who’s new to game may misinterpret this and come off as needy due to communicating that desire too early. That sets up a really unfavorable power balance where she has something she knows you really want, it puts you on the weaker side when you should be dominant and leading the encounter. And even after making your desire plain, you should maintain a push/pull dynamic to keep things interesting for the both of you and make sure she doesn’t see you as “got” which gives her allowance to do whatever and get free food/attention out of you.

  7. This is the REAL reason women, despite all their talk of empowerment and equality, REFUSE to approach men or only give vague indicators of interest. Without it being socially ingrained in men to approach, no validation from attention.

  8. I’ve always found this one tricky (and at times amusing). Remember last summer in Japan, having generally struck out for the night making my way back to base and dropped in at the local bar. There was a very trashy, average American girl there, who it turned out later, was not quite right in the head.
    Unbeknownst to me, prior to my arrival at the bar she had been moving around the room trying to get attention off any man she could. She slid up from behind to me at the bar and started staring at me out of the corner of my eye. I turned, looked, smiled and politely nodded. A few moments later, she’s parked next to me again and I think, “ok, typical easy US girl wanting to hook up”. She starts touching me and I move up stairs to play beer pong and she follows. After the game we start making out. She’s very average but Im wasted and I figure at least I’ll get a blowjob. I go to the bathroom for a minute and she’s gone, back downstairs. I shrug and move off to another bar literally 50 yards up the road. She chases after me and I figure maybe just cat and mouse. I make out with her in the toilet and then she says lets go upstairs and ill give you a blowjob. we get upstairs and its all excuses and just general cockteasing. i could see this weird gleam in her eye, a reflection of a brief fleeting moment in her life where she had power and validation.
    the TLDR – here’s a very average girl trying to get some validation and she thinks that leading me on for a few moments when im just trying to blow my load, is validation of her awesomeness. how stupid are women sometimes? i can’t cop how they think.

      1. depends where you live. Im east coast Australia. You can get a 9-10 hour flight, return for around $900-$1000. Americans I’ve met from the West coast have mentioned prices similar.

  9. Re: ”Women fantasize/desire to be raped.”
    Define ‘rape’. The definition of ‘rape’ seems to change annually. It pretty much includes ALL sex. So yes pretty much all healthy women want to re raped of banged, whichever term you prefer to use. Women could do their part to neutralize the negative accusatory version of the word ‘rape’ which is over used and abused, having little meaning or validity anymore. Feminists and feminist legal workers want to prosecute all heterosexual sex as rape crime. . . BUT IF ALL women referred to all sex as rape it would wear out the strength of the word. Just like blacks began calling each other ‘NIGGAS’ essentially taking the steam out of the word itself, women and spouses could begin saying things like ”rape the shit out of me” or saying to your spouse ”Honey I’m home. You want me to rape your ass now or after dinner?” Let’s wear the shit out of this word boys and girls. . . GO !

    1. I wonder how far they can push the envelope before people realize it’s bullshit. They throw ‘rape’ around more than sex now. I think theyre obviously turned on by the thought.

    2. Rape is when someone forces sex on you that you don’t want. And sometimes saying no but trying to be polite and not just throwing him out doesn’t work. And sometimes, you just go along with it because that way you’ll get rid of him quicker than if you tried to make him stop. but sometimes you think, no, I am going to try and make him stop and then he’s all surprised because all the obvious ‘no’s’ weren’t obvious enough?
      Some men are just plain delusional they feel a certain desire and they project that onto the woman and ignore everything she says because they can’t imagine her not wanting him.
      So rape: it’s when a man wants sex but a woman doesn’t but he ignores her and continues on. Sometimes the woman fights back, sometimes she doesn’t want to get hurt so she just lets him in order to get rid of him quicker. She’ll usually just lie there seemingly uninterested, inside her head she’ll be waiting for him to get it over and done with.

  10. This article is bang-on, Maxim. I especially enjoyed the emphasis on not being too subtle, which is a trap men can easily fall into.
    Without ever saying that’s what you’re doing, always be trying to escalate towards sex as quickly as possible. Don’t just sit there and listen to woman crap on about stupid shit. Always be looking for opportunities to playfully touched, and if you’ve done that a few times, stroke her hair or brush her ass. Like this article said (very well, mind you, because it takes the correct state of mind and a correct read on the woman to consistently pull-off), once she’s earned your attention, ramp up your directness, if you want.
    If nothing else, know that a woman will never bend over and ask you to fuck her. You, as a man, must make your intentions clear through somewhat indirect ways initially (never literally ask, “can we fuck already?”-, but don’t be a bitch and continually hide your interest completely). Once you’ve got her buzzing, make the buzz become a drone however you wish. Remember: men are entirely responsible for any and every escalation that takes place.

  11. This article is good. I’d like to see more men applying this information in committed relationships versus flings though.

      1. Women better give men a Damn good enough reason to commit without half-assing it, then… because, judging by what we see around us, there is precious little.
        Sure, but why would they stop doing what they do, if they can get away with it every single time?
        Western society doesn’t encourage long term monogamous relationships anymore. We can point the finger all we want at either gender but individually none has a solution.. so what now?

  12. In my experience, I’ve found that being subtle by slightly teasing a girl works. You have to plant the seed and water it as the date progresses. If successful, half of the work is done and they get to the point where they want you and are dying for you to make the move.

  13. Great article. This is why I first open with: “hey…how’s it going?” first before I give her any compliments, because I need to first screen to see if she’s friendly. The more stuck-up she seems to be, the more I resist verbally expressing my desire and rather show that I want her via sexy eye contact and body language. A woman’s physical nature, no matter how beautiful she looks, cannot resist being aroused in close proximity to a masculine man and kino during the interaction.

  14. I agree with both Mark Manson and Maxim Adam. Showing desire should be encouraged for both genders. It seems everybody is stuck in middle school wondering if he/she really likes you. I bet even the suavest of the bunch still has difficulty telling someone they actually like them.

    1. Agreed. I believe in speaking exactly what I feel, and walking away from those who are disingenuous or manipulative. Nothing is more of a turn-off than being with someone who doesn’t reciprocate an emotional connection.

  15. This is my first ever comment on this site, but i just wanted to ask all the readers something:
    “Letting a woman know you find her desirable is best after she has earned your attention. She may not consciously realize exactly what is going on, but it will feel much more exciting to her to be desired by a man whose attention she has earned than to feel desired by random beta guys who throw away their attention without her first working for it.”
    You said here about not letting her know we find her desirable until she has worked for it. Can you not frame your open with something that is closely related to whatever “earned your attention” in the first place.
    For example, she has a really well put together fashion and she is owning it, or something along those lines. Or she just looks like shes having a good day and it caught your eye.
    I have always personally preferred going direct, because its a style that I find suits me. But I have to play a lot of numbers to get the results I want.
    My question is: is there something in this regard that I could be doing to improve my game?

  16. The best way to create attraction is to have a fake wallet with fake money and to drop it accidentally where there is woman. Anyway, woman in America in 2015 are evil. Not worth running after. I will wait that they will come to me, if there is nobody then good for me that mean no troubles. *If she run at me I will still be very suspicious and make rigorous research on her to find out if she is legit.

  17. lol. You let her kiss you for an instant then pushed her away? More like you tounge fucked the shit out of her like every other man in the universe would have done. If this even really happened.

  18. “Many healthy women have rape fantasies not because they literally want
    to be raped, but because those fantasies makes them feel as if they are
    submitting to a man’s powerful desire for her.” – That there explains why 50 Shades of Grey is so appealing to women. Bill Burr had a funny bit about it too, just can’t find the video to it right now. But if you’ve seen it, it’s spot-on about women’s “rape” fantasies.

  19. Am I the only one offended by your extremely minimal insight into women.
    I don’t know where you spend your free time or what types of people you do that with, but the women you claim to understand in this article seem to be extremely lacking in personal identity, have no self-worth, are shallow, vain and egocentric. Mindless bimbos, placed solely on this planet for the pleasure of man.
    Your inclusion of the ideas that ‘Women get accustomed to free attention and easily become frustrated when they don’t get it’, ‘Women of every level of attractiveness get thousands of messages on Facebook and other social media from men giving away free attention’ ‘Messages fuel her ego and make her feel desired before she has even earned this male attention. She then develops an entitled attitude, in which she expects men should desire her and give her attention, but she feels absolutely no obligation to give any value in return’ REALLY pisses me off.
    As an everday, ordinary girl I DO NOT need a man to make me complete, define my level of sexiness, prop me up with testosterone so that I may stand straight, or any such ideas of ridiculous, dick-stroking emanation.
    My relationships with men are mutually beneficial to myself and them. I have always been able to compliment a man on his looks, choice of cologne, smile, humour, sensitivity, consideration and personal attributes I find appealing. Funnily enough, when a man reciprocates these things I find him MOST appealing and desirable.
    Taking an interest in (no expectation of entitlement or attention) someone, empowering them through treating them with respect and overall decent relationship behaviours, are a few free tips I offer to those in need of advice for making yourself attractive in character and spirit. Lustful and direct physical attraction most definitely can play a great role, but it’s not quite the driving force for what all women want!!!

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