Don’t Brush Off Your Failures

One of the following has almost certainly happened to you at some point: you got rejected by a girl when things seemed to go well. Or a girl flaked on you. Or she blows you off, cheats on you, lies, or flirts with some other dude. You may have been quick to brush her actions under the rug, rationalizing that she’s a bitch, but are you willing to ask yourself if perhaps you might be doing something wrong too?

Many women will cheat on you if given the right circumstances, but it doesn’t exonerate you from your responsibility. She might do any of the above for an obvious reason: the presence of a guy who turns her on more than you. It means you’re losing demeanor and dominance over your domain. Unless she’s a psycho or the town’s designated orifice, when a woman’s attraction takes a nosedive it is, more often than not, your failure.

Don’t brush it off, don’t rationalize it by saying it’s not your fault. 9 out of 10 times when a woman is losing attraction for you it’s because you are not the dominant figure you used to be. So, you have to up your game. Keep your outcome-dependency under control, flush out your bad body language, and suppress negative thinking.

Also, don’t underestimate competition and don’t overestimate your game unless your confidence is built on a solid foundation. If you think you’re ultra confident but you’re not getting any tail, you’re doing it wrong. The only accurate unit of measurement for success with women is penis in vagina. Anything else is feather stroking your pasty ego.

You can never stop playing the game if you want to be a part of it. With emphasis on playing. Don’t take yourself too seriously, unless you’re warranted to do so. When she breaches your trust or crosses a line, it’s your duty to nuke the hell out of the woman or dump her if it’s called for. Respect is non-negotiable. If you don’t respect yourself, no one else will.

You are the mixed result of your experiences. Not the sum, at least not until you understand those experiences. And then your journey has just begun. You’ll have to refine that gem and start polishing every facet of you. This will take a long time, the rest of your life to be exact.

Take a mental note on every slip-up, be honest with yourself about it and correct it. At the end of the day, you should better yourself for no one else but you. Most often than not, the main reason someone fails is because he’s not trying hard enough. Betas are quick to blame others or external factors for their failures. Alphas see an opportunity to learn from failures. Here are a few things you may internalize if you see fit:

1. Don’t take yourself too seriously.

2. Failure is an effective learning tool. If you can learn from other’s mistakes, that’s even better.

3. Follow your own set of rules, don’t bend them for others.

4. Don’t rationalize your mistakes to save your ego. Aim to become as ego-less as possible. A big ego is a sign of insecurity and vulnerability.

5. Educate yourself to keep emotional thinking to a minimum and become as outcome-independent as possible.

6. Assume responsibility for your actions.

You can be your own worst enemy or your own best friend. The choice is yours.

Read More: The Biggest Hindrance To Success With Women Is Ego

65 thoughts on “Don’t Brush Off Your Failures”

  1. Short and to the point. Failures are easily the most vital aspects of life. As long as you are alive there will be room to improve and enrich your life further. I wouldn’t discount the rage or even displaced responsibility when you fail. If you are only looking for success you will strive to be safe. Safety is comfort. Comfort leads to stagnation and ultimately a boring life. You can learn a lot from a failure, from the error itself to your own response. It isn’t always pretty but it is a part of experiencing life to the fullest.

    1. I agree with your statement. Have lived this way my who life. Took 18 months to get in the Marines, first 6 months in the Iraq war in tanks in 2003, fought my command to get embassy duty, fought to become an MP. Had many failures and shortfalls but picked myself up. people tell me to accept fate or destiny, fuck that. Be a real man and fuck fate and destiny in her ass and take charge. Look at history and you see that this is the case with many famous men, they do not choose mediocrity. Look at Abe Lincoln, James Carnegie, Henry Ford(went bankrupt several times before getting it right).

  2. “We learn wisdom from failure much more than from success. We often discover what will do, by finding out what will not do; and probably he who never made a mistake never made a discovery”
    ― Samuel Smiles

    1. Got his book “Character” a while back, still working towards it on my book list but from what I’ve read of it it looks to be a great Manospheric read.

    2. Good choices come from experience.
      Experience comes from bad choices.
      The engineer’s phrasing is:
      Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment destroyed.

  3. Problem with this mindset is it is always the guy’s fault he didn’t get laid. If some cunt won’t get turned on unless she is almost beaten to death, then are you going to do something that goes against your value system?
    The majority of contemporary females are seriously fucked in the head and I fail to see how doing things equally as sick just to get yout cock in her is a good thing.
    I xan undetstand putting one’s vest foot forward to optimize your outcome, but the who PUA community brxame a pathetic bunch of idiots who, in their quest for success to get theit dicks wet, failed to take into account thr decline of females morales and attitudes (via feminism) and essentially went down the rabbit hole.

    1. Some very good points here regarding female behavior. Here is pretty much my take on what’s out there for men, today.
      I, personally, swing for the fence (meaning I consider myself a prize so that’s what I look for…someone that’s worthwhile). In the mean time, I do practice a little game, flirting etc…but it doesn’t mean I’m taking one of those chicks with “worms in her head” home with me.
      Part of what the author said was “follow your own set of rules….”. If you found out that the chick wasn’t worth your time or is a little “off” then (by your rules or my rules) that would be the deal breaker.
      Always work on yourself to be the prize but always be honest with yourself. Some good stuff here in this article.

    2. We all have real wisdom when we can acknowledge the difference between the times when we fail ourselves and when others fail us.

    3. It’s true that a lot of stuff happens to us that’s beyond our control, like the moral decline of society brought on by feminism. What we can control is how we deal with it. See Epictetus’s Enchiridion.
      As for the prospects with women, most men do need sex and it rivals our hunger for food, and if you don’t fancy eating slop off the street or going for a dumpster dive, then go when the food’s still fresh and certified organic.
      That means exploring foreign countries like the Phillippines and other places were women are are still the way Western women used to be, and Western men can still play the game with the old rules that worked well up until their grandfather’s generation but fails miserably now that those rules have been superseded by feminism.

  4. Neanderthal Man, this article is pure gold. I may copy it and turn it into a pdf to re-read when I’m off base. Many men visit this site to make a life of their choosing, and not the one dealt them. This puts much in perspective and is inspiring.

  5. I agree when things go badly it’s at least 50% my own fault, but the 50% is often that I chose the wrong girl in the first place. I overlooked some obvious warning signs that were there from the start. I’m starting to become much more choosy before I get involved in any way with a female. Respecting myself means not losing my mind simply because she’s young and hot. If her morals are disgusting then she is disgusting. I refuse to respect or give anything of myself any more to these types of women.
    On the other hand, I’m willing to compromise a bit on some of the superficial stuff if a girl shows signs of being a decent human being. Ironically, this is the opposite of what feminists think a guy like me would believe.

  6. Could you elaborate on emotionally thinking? are you saying dont get sappy or speak from the heart in public places or social media? or dont take the negatives of getting blown off to heart and get emotional?

    1. When you are about to react to something in your life, take conscious stock of what it is you are reacting to. In the moment this is hard. But you need to. In every interaction remove the idea that a person likes or dislikes you and know they are reacting to you as you are reacting to them. Together you create an interaction. By removing emotional thinking, you slow down thoughts of ‘he doesn’t like me’ or ‘why did you have to insult my intelligence’ and distill the reasons why something was said. The core of emotional thinking leads directly into ego and the need to be right. Emotional thinking is very defensive and also severely limits what you can learn, since some of that energy is being used to defend yourself.

        1. Either by totally random chance, or because some force put him in my path, depending on your view of the universe .. 🙂
          Actually this fellow was making some tour of sorts across Europe, organizing little seminars about Hinduism and similar stuff I believe. I forgot how exactly we got talking, but I had just gone to the store round the corner, and we spent about an hour talking about some very deep stuff. He even managed to extract a donation from me, and compensated me with a nice, pocket sized hardbound copy of the Bhagavad Gita .. haha. Quite a fascinating man he was, I have to say.

        2. I tend to lean towards this thought: the world will reveal the truth to you when you are open to hearing it’s message. Would say the brahmin met with you, right on schedule.
          That’s pretty powerful stuff. What have you done with this knowledge since? Did you read the Bhagavad Gita?

        3. Yes, there certainly is wisdom and truth in the saying “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear”. I did skim a bit through the Gita but certainly not with the seriousness it deserves. There’s no question that it contains a lot of wisdom. Time spent pondering it will be time well invested. I’m thankful for our conversation here that reminded me of it 🙂

        4. You’re welcome. You’ve reminded me of my often neglected studies of spirituality. Books are the same as teachers in that they can wait for you to be ready to accept them. A book I’ve had that I’ve yet to finish is a gift from a former college professor, The Wisdom of the Serpent. It offers a detailed breakdown of many myths in the world, introduces them, and offers illustrations as to what about them relates to core concepts in humanity. All in all, very informative book. Thanks for reminding me of some of the other spiritual practices used throughout the world.

    2. Non emotional dependent thinking-
      The ability to detach yourself from having an emotional reaction to something taking precedence over your analysis & decision making in the heat of the moment.
      Think Sherlock Holmes at a grisly crime scene. Sure, it’s horrendous but he’s able to decipher evidence with his judgement unimpaired by emotion.
      Difficult to be sure but i suppose not impossible for the rest of us.

      1. That’s pretty much what I did on both military deployments.
        I kept the emotional thinking out of the equation knowint some terrible things would be experienced and would deal with it when I got stateside.
        When I got home, most of those feelings were reduced that it did not affect my rational thoughts on my everyday dealings.

        1. Thank you, Frank rook, I pretty much adopted this way of being from my upbringing.
          Grew up poor in Philadelphia, PA, raised by other relatives due to my mother passing while I was at a young age and my father choosing his girlfriend over his children ( which I hold no grudge btw), fueled how I am today.
          I typically learn from other peoples mistakes and that was how most of my life lessons went.
          My motto is “If you do no wrong, you have no worries.

  7. Sometime it’s the guy, sometimes it’s the chick. I had a girl tell me once (I had just dressed her down about her behavior), “You do everything RIGHT and I’m so MEAN to you!” while crying deep, racking sobs against my chest.* The problem wasn’t me, it was her being fucked in the head, exacerbated by a cunty, no-man-having, two time loser (as in “divorced twice by age 26”) bitch friend pouring poison in her ear about what a dick I was.
    Of course, none of this kept me from going over the game film. It’s also not a bad idea to go over it with a red pill buddy, or just throw a situation out here on ROK (or Reddit or CH) for an analysis.
    *She was super smart–as in “degree in physics” smart–and often times smart girls come with difficulties, b/c All That Brain Power can be used by the Hamster. Ugh. The worst thing that can happen to a smart girl is to hook up with a dumb guy, so they are extra-paranoid about it. She was, bless her heart, trying her best to be submissive, but I had to not only handle her resistance, but also parry the blows of the Loser Friend.

    1. Damn bitches, with their prolific problems that spurr to their friends, to their family, all of them with shit that we have to face & handle.
      An old man once told me (marriage-wise) :
      ,,When you marry a girl, you also marry her old drunken uncle, her diseased mother and their problems & debts. So before you do, check her blood (see where she comes from, family type, friends ).” That decision you make for life, she makes untill she can find better grounds.

      1. All VERY true. If you hook up with a chick from a fucked up family, you have to make sure she’s in it for the right reason. I worked with a woman who married her husband at 19 to escape her family, but she totally got it right–works, but takes care of their home, kids, makes sure the husband is happy, kids fed & watered etc.
        I don’t recommend trying to find a diamond in the rough, but if you do, you need to Lay Down The Law about what amounts of financial assistance, if any, will be provided to loser relatives, b/c those MFers will bleed you dry if you let them. And once that’s agreed to, don’t budge, ever.

      2. My grandmother, born in 1900, died back in 93. I would go visit her every now and again. She would always have a few beers cooling in the fridge. After a few she would start quizzing me on what girls I was seeing. I will always remember on one such occasion I mentioned a girl I was seeing. She asked her name and where she was from. On hearing her name, second name especially, she sat back in her chair for a little while. After about a minute she leaned towards me and said, “I don’t think you should see her again.”

    2. Of the girls I’ve dated some of the book-smart chicks have been the most out-of-this-world insane…
      Their hamsters are running on rocket-engines. Their problem is they are smart enough to know they make no fucking sense, but they can’t control it.

      1. Depends. The one I cited was Lost In The Maelstrom, but I know three others, of the top of my head, who are entirely susceptible to logic. Of course, they are both foreign born (a Russian, a Ukrainian and an Indian).

        1. My friend is still trying to break a smart girl.
          Needless to say it’s going horribly. Especially now I think she has caught on, so she’s making a mockery out of his wishes.
          I.e she’ll clean the kitchen while naked in an apron, because he told her to do it. And if he wants sex she’ll reply, “but I thought I was to clean ‘ze’ kitchen?”

        2. Answer: “You are. But first there is a knob you must polish. With your mouth.”
          Answer2: “The only reason for your mouth to be open, right now, is because you want me to put my cock in it.”
          Bear in mind, insofar as she’s cooperating but giving him shit (tests), she’s likely just “bratting”, the cure for which, for first time offenders, is a light-to-moderate spanking.
          Frame must be maintained at all times….
          À bientôt,

        3. And that’s the problem…..he’s asking for sex instead of just taking it or letting it “happen”.
          Women won’t admit it because they don’t want to be perceived as the bad girl or naughty girl…but she wants it to happen, too.

        4. So true! My wife is uber smart and there are days I feel like I’m training a fuckn wild mare. Constantly I have to hold my frame.

        5. Pro tip: if a woman is wearing only an apron cleaning your kitchen, she is initiating sex. Don’t ruin it by being obtuse.

    3. Yep, good one. Always bring the experience to ROK…good place to go over that “game film” and compare notes.
      The man space.

    4. Good story. I find that being the man in the relationship simply means being the stable one. Stand fast by your principles and be the rock that stabilizes her randomness.
      Case in point, my main girl had her birthday last week. She told me that some of her friends and colleagues wanted to organize a party for her, and would I like to come along. Well, that’s something I try to avoid, knowing how much of a nefarious influence a girl’s friends can often be. I much prefer our time together to be just the two of us, and her attention to be only for me. She poked at me a bit about being ‘so unsociable sometimes’, but I just laughed and told her we’ll make up for it with some really good time together the following day. She even hinted that her friends sometimes Her friends still insisted on having the party though, so she went along with them.
      That same evening, I’m at home and she calls me on the phone. I answer with “Hey, how’s the party going?”. Her tearful reply “It was shit! I just left .. can I come over and see you please?”
      It turns out that her ‘friend’ who hosted the party is a real psycho. Unstable, paranoid, narcissistic, manipulative .. you name it. She got drunk, then decided she wanted to smoke some pot, and tried to convince my girl to ring and meet a dealer on her behalf. Can you fuckin believe that. My girl told her “No way, I don’t do that shit. And I’m not meeting some shady dealer and getting in trouble because of you”. Then the psycho picked a fight with her boyfriend over some silly stuff. Ended up slapping him in front of everyone, at which point my girl was like “I better go now .. thanks for the really wonderful party!” LOLZ.
      Bottom line, she is now even more grateful for our enjoyable, stress-free time together, and saw how I was right all along in not wanting to poison it with outside influences. Be the rock and stand by what you think is best. It usually pays off.

      1. Nicely played. Better for you not to have been there at all. Similar thing happened to me in college. One of my girlfriends was a hottie who tried to pretend to be “alternative”–she listened to the Cure and Siouxsie and the Banshees, but didn’t do anything stupid to fuck up her beauty–anyway, she had these loser friends, and was always trying to get me to go their parties, which I made the mistake of doing once, before I knew what a shitshow it was going to be. So the next time she asked me to go with her the convo went like this;
        Me: “Why would I want to do that? They’re losers.”
        Her: “They’re not losers!”
        Me: “And why do you want to go over a 8pm and stay for 6+ hours?”
        Her: “They have a hard time getting girls to come to their parties.”
        Me: “Right, because they’re losers.”
        So the next time LoserFest came up on the schedule, I declined. She whined, stamped her feet, held her breath, and I told her to have a nice time. So I stayed in that night and she called me every half hour or 45 minutes, which started out ok, but I could tell that the party started to suck for her after about an hour and a half, and got intolerable shortly thereafter. Why? Without me there to protect her, basically every dork there wanted to take his shot at nervously asking out the girl they thought might be a “Nerd Queen”. So basically she was getting harassed by guys who she knew, on a subconscious/biological level, were beneath her, and who were growing bolder with each tumbler of skunky beer they were drinking.
        So the next phone call was her, pleading for an extraction. So I hopped in my car, drove over to the house–which they insisted on calling the “Haus”–and brushed past the two nerdlings guarding the door. Three guys had her cornered–I remembered one was wearing a fedora* and they all were rocking zit farms on their faces–so I walked over and paused for a minute while she looked at me, pleadingly. I waited a couple of minutes, smiled at her, and then reached past them, grabbed a hold of her and threw her over my shoulder and carried her out of the house and back to my dorm.
        And that was the last time she ever went to a party at LoserHaus. ;D
        *Really, a fedora. At 19. And I don’t mean a cool one, like Usher/Bruno Mars/whoever. I’m guessing there was some severe premature hair loss he was trying to cover up.

  8. FRANKly (hehe), i think the content of the article has value beyond gaming.
    Having strong presence of mind (battlefield & situational awareness) & taking ownership & personal responsibility for thoughts & actions is wisdom as old as the first scratchings on cave walls.

  9. ohhhhhh shiiiiiiiit.
    did ROK just say this “are you willing to ask yourself if perhaps you might be doing something wrong too?”
    that’s it not the wimminz fault?
    wow. has hell frozen over?

    1. I think this article is saying ‘take responsibility for not acting the part exactly how you need to act it, to hold the minuscule attention span of the modern woman, because if you drop that act for a minute and show yourself as a vulnerable human being with flaws the shallow slut will despise you and go spread her legs for the guy who acts the part better, even though it’s all bullshit.’ That was my interpretation, did you read it different?

      1. Never expect a woman to take personal responsibility or accountability for the “failure” of a relationship (and I’m talking only her side – not the whole thing).
        Men need to take notes, learn from it and move on.

  10. Note that learning from your mistakes doesn’t mean perpetually wallowing in your pain and failure.

    1. So true but I have a hard time overcoming this. I find myself becoming emotionally attached to girls I barely met and when i get rejected, I dont know how to get over it. Its stupid, i know, but i dont know how to deal

      1. If they don’t want you they’re not worth worrying about. If you’ve gotten into their pants or close to it, that’s a victory. Try prostitutes if you can afford quality ones — much of the attachment is due to the need for pussy, not to real companionship.

        1. Thanks man, but i want to have real companionship and i want to better myself for that reason. this website really helped me understand a lot of things but i want to take the next step to better myself

        2. Heed my advice for the gold that it is and follow it to the letter: Read and apply the knowledge in Models by Mark Manson and No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. Start off with Models. It the best piece of advice and best book I can recommend from someone you’ve never heard of.

  11. You make some logical points about losing your Alphaness when she has lost interest in you. However, after consuming my red-pill (after my gf fucked 3 dudes behind my back) I am bold to say that a SLUT is a SLUT and you cant change that my ROK brothers!

  12. Always be true to yourself. Dont let your ego hinder your progress. Strive towards candor. When(not if) you fail, cry or mourn and let that feeling remind you to better yourself.

  13. If not having enough game and maintaining appearances is enough reason for a woman to cheat or flake or leave you then either a) you’re seriously lacking in real substance, it’s only the faux appearance that attracts them, or b) women are shallow heartless creatures that flit from one shiny thing to another and have no value worth pursuing. I realize that game will get you women, but it’s just a game. It’s all about being fake. You pretend to be something you’re not to get women who are pretending to be something they’re not. I don’t want fake women and I don’t want to be anyone but who I am. I like who I am and if that’s not good enough for them then to hell with them. I don’t got time for that BS. They can sit at home on a Friday night and wonder where all the good men are. I’m right here ignoring you while enjoying my life.

  14. For a section called “masculinity” there certainly is a lot to be said about women. A man does not gain experience with women through words. Wasting countless hours and tens of thousands of words trying to trick ourselves into being confident around women is not called “game”—it is called autism.

  15. Long time reader, first time poster. Great article but it doesnt do me much.. Hope to get some feed back from the community about something bothering me for a long, long time. Guess im best described as a beta trying to become an alpha. I consider myself pretty successful, not bad looking, and I can talk to girls alright. Problem is i never seem to get anyone interested enough in me no matter how many times i put myself out there. its gotten to the point where i can almost not be able to justify trying anymore. I know its a bit pathetic, but I really need some advice or suggestions on how i can get out of this repeating pattern. Anything would help.

    1. You may be friendly and outgoing, but, apparently, you are not having sex as much as you would like, and are wasting scarce time on fuitless interactions. It seems that what you must do is to sexualize interactions right away – by physical touching and verbal innuendo to the point of being rude. If this repels women not interested in sex with you, then you have reserved precious time for those that are.

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