It’s easy to get distracted. Back in college I would peruse Facebook. Watch the news. Play video games. Talk shit with my roommates.
I would do anything to distract myself. From what you ask. From myself.
Was I uncomfortable in my own flesh? Maybe. Was it the path of least resistance? Quite possibly. At times I still fall into the above pattern. And so I write this article as a reminder to myself.
Do You Avoid Yourself?
With the rise of smartphones and social media, we are becoming more and more detached from our own bodies. Constantly plugged in and over-stimulated, we find less and less satisfaction from reading a book, or from spending time alone in silence.
And when you do find yourself with a free hour or two – what do you do? Open your smartphone? Turn on the TV? It has become all too common to seek these forms of… entertainment if you will. Distractions, really.
When I fight the urge for instant stimulation and instead take a deep breath and slow down – I always feel more energy, more alive.
Focusing On Yourself ≠ Attention Whoring
Bitch to your friend about your day at work. Send a tweet about the meal you just ate at. Post a new picture on Facebook.
No these things don’t count. They are the opposite of the kind of focus I am trying to communicate. Seeking approval and bragging are not equivalent to focusing on yourself. They indirectly focus on others and their thoughts and emotions. Furthermore they are beta behaviors that signal weakness.
3 Ways To Focus On Yourself
1. Meditate – Being alone with your thoughts is so unnatural to some people that they immediately flee and seek outside stimulation. Sit for some time alone and feel your breath. Become comfortable being alone – doing nothing, thinking nothing.
2. Read – Nothing stimulates my imagination like reading a book. Rather than watching images or videos rapidly progress with no time for thought, books encourage contemplation and calmness.
3. Exercise – Exercise is a fundamental way to allow your body to express itself and release pent up energy. Whether you chose to dance, lift weights, or play a sport – vigorously using your body turns off the mind and allows your body to flow.
Focusing on your feelings, emotions, and energy seems like a burden at times. But doing so will only lead to stronger and more satisfying experiences.
Read More: You Were Born To Follow
Painting
Painting is like an ultimate. It is a highly intimate place to be with yourself. Working out is great but doesn’t make you face yourself, it is further detachment.
For me it’s either a walk in the woods or a no destination motorbike ride.
I find it’s very hard to be interested in the lives of my friends unless I’m doing a good job focusing on myself. Once you start working out, you become interested in other people’s workout regimen. When you’re not getting laid you don’t want to here other people’s sex stories and vice versa.
true
I find it’s very hard to be interested in the lives of my friends unless I’m doing a good job focusing on myself. Once you start working out, you become interested in other people’s workout regimen. When you’re not getting laid you don’t want to here other people’s sex stories and vice versa.
4th way to focus on yourself : art (draw, paint, play piano, anything creative).
I can go either way. Sometimes it’s fun to hang out with my roommates, neighbors, or buddies and do stuff, but sometimes, I just want to get away from everybody and disappear for a while. I think it’s good to be able to appreciate both.
For me it is the gym. It’s like a temple. Phone in the locker and head in the game. One of the few places I can detach from meaningless shit.
Don’t walk around with earbuds in, music pumping through. Spend that time thinking instead.
or go for music without lyrics (classical)…it’s the lyrics that usually grab your thoughts
Or not thinking and being present and observing. You can learn a lot just by looking and listening. Who knows you might see or hear something that sparks a business idea. Or a song. People not paying attention to/ caring about other people or their surroundings is a major cause people being worthless and crappy.
That too. Be Zen.
People avoid themselves for one reason : loneliness. You don’t even realize it but the reason is people need quality social interaction and they can’t it.
Back in the day loneliness wasn’t an issue because socializing was easy : you could start a conversation with anyone with no effort. Nowadays people are cunts and dicks so you just stay home and go on FaceBook. No amount of meditation or online whoring will replace good social interaction.
Once upon a time I was sitting in a club, off hours, working on some drawings. One of the waitresses noticed and came over.
“What is that?”
“I’m designing an 18′ boat for sailing the Atlantic solo,” I replied.
She thought for a moment and asked, “Won’t you get lonely?”
“No,” said I. “I’m excellent company.”
You don’t get it. Let me try to put it into sequential logic.
You yourself ARE an interaction.
Just like the way when you just DO and interact it feels good…
Meditation utilizes that principle (“You yourself ARE an interaction”). Just BE. Don’t put expectations on yourself (just as you wouldn’t in any good social interaction).
Just be and observe the spontaneous interactions.
I think this might have something to do with the introvert/extrovert divide. Although not perfect as a concept, it helps explain differences in the type, frequency and extent of social interaction individuals need/prefer.
Myself, I’m fine spending time with my own thoughts, don’t own a smartphone or iPod or whatever people use to make themselves deaf and blind to both their inner world and the one around them, have never felt the need to join Facebook and can go for extended periods without social contact (even though I do have a social circle to spend time with, should I feel like it).
However, I would not be opposed to a friendly stranger striking up a conversation e.g. on the bus, especially if they weren’t completely fixed on inanities (most people seem to be, though). It’s true that that just doesn’t happen much, anymore.
For me, ‘good social interaction’ is above all about quality, not quantity. Different strokes for different folks.
Reminds me of a Roosh post,” The Hour”. That fucking post changed my life and set me on the path of self improvement
Both the good and the sad part about us, humans, is that we can replace “The Hour” with “20 minutes” as so many of us don’t even devote that much time to doing something truly useful and productive.
Swimming is a great way to do all of the above. For one thing, no one can stop you and talk to you. You are alone, even though others may be swimming next to you. You are in a repetitive routine, stroke, stroke, stroke, breathe, breathe, breathe, technique, technique, technique. Calmness sets in as you get better at it.
Nothing like swimming really, for all your physical needs of strength, conditioning, endurance, thinking, self-reflecting, and perseverance all exist below the surface; in more ways than one. 🙂
I actually love swimming as exercise, shame it’s too cold out now.
Meditation… it’s why most people can’t stand it.
Some people see immediate benefits from meditation while others see little benefit despite years of meditating. I’ve been meditating for 10+ years and the benefits have been marginal. However, I still insist on doing it every day; I just feel better when I do.
Love the distinction between focusing on yourself with attention whoring. Too many people confuse the two. Attention whoring might just be a sign of inability to truly focus on yourself.
this is a great article if somewhat short….
you really have to kick into something anything, multiple things at once…
people get amazed with stories i tell and skills i learned and ask me how i have all the time for these things…
no TV ? doh!.
thirst for knowledge
doing rather than thinking… .
TV makes a person terribly passive… because you are involved and your brain starts to translate that experience to a real one, whereas you are only a spectator.
4. Listen to music.
Some nice music really helps me relax.
B-but that’s so selfish and mean! Don’t you have EMPATHY for others???
Just kiddin, self-interest is civilization.
Hell of a good article – one of the best on the site.
Read AYN RAND. Start by “The Virtue of Selfishness”. A real eye-opener, and a great gift to piss off leftists types.
the biggest problem i see is when people (including women, actually they are the worst culprits) go around pleasing others, living to make others happy. why? you came alone and will leave alone. families break apart, friends disappear, YOU always stay with you. why not focus on yourself only? in high school (i am now 37), i decided i didn’t want to be part of cliques or clubs. i had an incredible time in college. the only friends i had were sex partners (girls). that’s it. if i met a male buddy, it was to get something done, not to impress him, and not to give a shi* about what he was wearing blah blah blah. *I* was always priority in my own life, not some standard set by some stupid piece of paper that spells out vision or mission. go f* yourself. i live for myself first, then everyone second. this leaves me with no resentment. when you have regrets or do things for others, you expect things back, even if only adulation. i expect myself to take care of me.
For me, the most important thing is to please the guy in the mirror. Once that’s done, the rest will fall into place.
I often like to spend my time doing mathematics and annotating textbooks for my fellow mathematicians to read. Really works the engine.
I thought at first this article was going to be about doing things for yourself rather than constantly trying to please others. Both messages are important. Meditation is excellent.