What The Hell Is A Clitoris?

On Sept 8th 1998, Mark McGwire stepped up to the plate in Busch Stadium, and blasted a home run off Steve Traschsel to set a new Major League record for home runs in a season.

1998 was a great year for the United States, the economy was booming, unemployment was low, and new startup companies like “MCI WorldCom “and “AskJeeves” were expected to be industry leaders for YEARS to come.

During that record-breaking season, a Sports Illustrated writer had walked by Mark McGwire’s locker and noticed a bottle of androstein.  The reporter confronted McGwire about the new supplement, and McGwire willingly admitted that he took “andro,” along with “creatine,” to supplement his workouts.  Little did we know at the time that he was also injecting himself in the ass with testosterone, but nonetheless this article had kickstarted a supplement BOOM across the entire United States.

I was a sophomore in college at the time, and I was working out a typical muscle head gym in Brooklyn, NY.  After the article appeared about McGwire’s supplement use, so began the start of the “bulk’ era in modern bodybuilding.  Dorian Yates was just wrapping up his illustrious bodybuilding career, and we were witnessing the emergence of a future bodybuilding legend named “Ronnie Coleman.”  The “symmetry” look was out of style, the grunge era was all but gone, and guys in the gym were bulking up like monsters.

I can still remember the Monday nights at the gym like it was yesterday.  Guys were lined up six rows deep to use the bench press, creatine powder was spilled all over the floor in the locker rooms, and new bench press records were set almost daily.

Not only did the bodybuilding trends change over time, but also the sexual trends.  In the late 90’s the most common way of banging girls was with the “Power Bomb” method.  The “Power Bomb” method” was used my almost all the guys in the gym, and I enjoyed it because it was a really simple:

A) Get her pants off

B) Ram it in the hole

C) Start pounding away as hard, and as fast, as possible.

The name of the game was to ejaculate as quickly as possible, and the best part was that we were so dehydrated from the creatine, that we hardly produced any seminal fluid.  When I would ejaculate  it was like shooting a gun,  and the only thing that  would come out was a flag that said “BANG!”

I became so good in bed in the late 90’s, that I was able to ejaculate in 12 seconds flat!  I was so good that my girlfriends used to brag in school about how fast I could cum.  And like I stated before, the best part was that there was little to no mess afterwards because of the creatine.

Unfortunately, I got in an long term relationship in 1999, or like we say in the manosphere an “LTR,” and I was with the same girl for  almost five years straight.  When we broke up in 2004 I went back out on the dating scene, and I was totally lost and confused.

Not only were most of the guys at the clubs skinny and cut, but I tried to use the “Power Bomb” method on the first girl that I banged after breaking up, and it completely back fired. After we watched a movie in my apartment,  I laid her down on my bed, ripped her pants off, and I jackhammered her for 17 seconds straight before I ejaculated.  It wasn’t my best time ever, but I thought that 17 seconds was MORE than satisfactory.  I was hoping to go under 15 seconds, but the alcohol was kicking in and I couldn’t blast off quick enough.

For some reason this girl never called me back, and I was in complete shock!

What went wrong?

I’m bench pressing really good, I’ve been supersetting my shoulders with my calves, why didn’t she call  me back?

Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to start feeling my away around.

I told one of my old training partners in the gym what had happened, and he started laughing at me.  He said “Are you still using the Power Bomb technique?”  “Nobody uses that anymore, these girls today want you to stimulate the clitoris.”

“The clitoris?”  “Are you fucking kidding me?’ I replied.  “I haven’t heard that term used since junior high sex ed class! I like to bang my women the way I play basketball, one on one with little dribbling.”

“Hah, it’s not the 90’s anymore dude. I banged this girl for 45 minutes last night, with at least 15 minutes of foreplay. You need to start stimulating the clitoris if you want to impress the ladies.”

That year I learned a valuable lesson: You need to keep up with bodybuilding and sexual trends.  Whether it is with pubic hair, bench press, or where you blow your load.

Today the only move that I saved from the 1990’s is called the “Tony Danza.” It’s when I’m banging a girl and I start yelling at her “Who’s the boss??  Who’s the BOSS?”

“Oh, you are Captain!”


“No bitch, its Tony Danza…”


Read Next: American Women Are Mad They Aren’t Courted Anymore

25 thoughts on “What The Hell Is A Clitoris?”

  1. how bout an article on g-spots, and how to make her squirt.
    perhaps maybe female opinion on our junk, cut or uncut?,size ,etc….gota know how to please women these days

      1. wow, fucking, wow. this is disgusting. who cares what they want? oh, of course, because women are just a hunk of meat that can be fucked whenever you want. no, no, they don’t feel pleasure themselves and, even if they did, why would it matter? women don’t matter, they only exist for men to “jackhammer”.
        you are disgusting. please revaluate your life decisions.

    1. “perhaps maybe female opinion on our junk, cut or uncut?”
      UNCUT. Not only is cutting babies up evil and barbaric (and they die every year in the USA because of cutting gone wrong), the natural, intact, whole penis is so much better in so many ways, from angle, to thrust, to rhythm, to feel, even to look.
      There is a great website by a female doctor with videos that show the difference between cut and intact sex and the reason why intact feels so much better for both partners has to do with the ergonomics of intact vs cut anatomy. Because millions of nerve endings have been cut off of the cut penis, the man has to exert himself more and thrust harder in order to feel even a fraction of what the intact man feels from a simple movement of his hips!
      I’m searching now for that site or you because I did not save it. Will post it if I find it. It was very interesting and I have to say parallels my own personal experiences with both a natural and unnatural (cut) penis.

  2. if 12 seconds is your thing though you can probably find a woman who loves that about you

  3. plus if you jump through a thousand hoops for a chick in bed you better enjoy doing that cause they will expect that all the time forever if you stay with them and as most of us know it don’t work like that for every chick there is a dude tired of fucking her

  4. so really your perma chick you should do the 12 seconds and the chicks you fuck around with and don’t plan on keeping you should do the exploration with makes sense the way of thinking back in the day

  5. Captain Power, its not that sexual trends have changed from the 90s to the new millenium, its that you and the demographic of females you were having sex with grew up. Back then you were a teen or just barely out of your teens. At such young ages females are not completely aware of their own sexuality. There’s a lot of confusion and fumbling around from both parties and no one is a skilled lover. Thinking back on my teen years, like most females I masturbated a lot and was able to bring myself to intense orgasm but in combination with a 2nd party would not know what it would take for him to bring me to intense orgasm, since I would be used only to myself, my own rhythms, my own routines.
    Later, as I gained experience in sex with another humans besides just my own self, I was able to discover what it takes for two people to create a memorable sexual experience AND multiple orgasms for both (had to pay for some seminars and do a lot of practice exercises for that one – all great fun).
    Point: teen sex is bad sex. As we mature so does our sexuality.

  6. One of the joys of sex is controlling her multiple orgasms. I love playing her, teasing, withholding, then dominating, wearing her out so she no longer has the nervous energy to resist or consciously respond.
    THEN I get to blast!
    It’s the deference between chug-a-luggin’ a quart of cheap malt liquor and sipping a cold martini or two.

    1. Have you written an article on this? Complete with diagrams and how-to videos? I’m just saying there might be a market out there for such sage-like advice throughout the entire manosphere.

        1. Already one step ahead. AND I know where the clitoris is – I feel as though I’m on top of it already. I want to ask for the next step, but I can’t shake the feeling that you’re trying to dodge the questions, because you’re all bluster. I’ll be more inclined to believe once I see the pie charts and YouTube links to your tutorials.

  7. The “power bomb” ? 17 seconds to nut? Is this guy for real? This has to be a satire.

    1. He’s either kidding or rationalizing.
      Serious, coming in 17 seconds is called premature ejaculation. If you’re coming too quickly, try taking a Sudafed or other antihistamine before your assignation. The histamine nervous system controls orgasm and antihistamines dampen down the reaction. Too much though and you won’t be able to cum at all though, even with working stiffy.

  8. Girls know how to please guys by default, you guys take this long how to figure out how to please a woman. You lack serious game.

  9. I hope the “SMACK” is the girl smacking you in the face for yelling stupid, cheesy nonsense in bed before she walks out on your premature-ejaculating ass.

  10. It’s that little bumpy thing at the top of my slit that resembles a pencil eraser. When rhythmicaly rubbed by your, well any body part will do really, for about 1-5 minutes (I must admit I’m not as skilled as our dear author, my best time being a full 23 seconds), will cause me to experience a kind of ecstatic seizure, during which I will squeeze anything which happens to be inside my vagina at that time, and possibly drench whatever surface is beneath me in spurts of liquid joy. Afterwards I will typically be relaxed and in a good mood. This serves no practical purpose, but it’s a fun little trick and easy enough to accomplish, in my case anyway, though I hear some women’s clitorises (clitori?) function more like a Rubik’s cube.

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